I am a mom. It defines me, it drives me and it inspires me to be and do better everyday. I do all the things I am not supposed to. I put my kids first, consider them to be my best friends and drop anything I have planned in a moment so that they can do what they need to do. I will spend my money on them before I will spend it on myself – evidenced by my hair which has not been done in almost two years – and I will bend over backwards to see their smiles even if it means it hurts me. My friends think I am crazy, my parents probably do too, and I am starting to wonder in how many ways this will come back to bite me in the ass as they get older. The truth is, I relish in motherhood and other acts of insanity. Like fostering a million dogs at a time. But I will get to that later.
Motherhood Insanity Act #1
I love my girls like nothing I have ever loved on this planet ever before. They are on my mind 24 hours a day. I suspect most moms can say that as well but I have to point it out. When they get hurt, I want to fix it.
When my youngest, Megan, turned 9 her dad got her a hamster. Cute little thing called Nibbles. I think I loved the dang rat more than anyone. I could carry it around in my hand, snuggle it and I liked having a furry pet in addition to my dogs.
One night, Megan did not close the door – and I did not check behind her – and our terrier foster dog did what his nature told him to. He knocked the cage down and killed little Nibbles. I was devastated.
What do I do? Do I chalk it up to ‘we should have nothing but dogs in the house? ‘ No.
I go out and get her 2 Guinea Pigs. Despite my better judgement. You can see my craziness below:
Insanity. Pure and simple.
Motherhood Insanity Act #2
Activities. Now look. No one needs to have their kids in 10 activities. I don’t, actually. I only have them in 7 or 8… that’s all. Perfectly reasonable, right? Three kids, 7 or 8 activities?
Want me to name them? Let’s see… soccer, volleyball, gymnastics, Destination Imagination, UIL Oral Reading, tutoring (not really an activity but I count it since I have to pick up at a very inopportune time), Annie rehearsals for the 9 year old (she got chosen to be in a high school play!!) and last but not least, The Dream Team; a club my oldest daughter started at her Junior High to do community outreach projects.
I know what you are thinking: No big deal! My kids are in more than that! I’m not insane… (or are you?) but when you are a single mom and running the kids to this and that every evening, it FEELS like insanity! So I am totally counting it!
Motherhood Insanity Act #3
I am seeing a gentleman friend. He is kind to me, kind to my children and even tolerates my dogs. But merging a man I have no intention of ever marrying, even though we have been seeing each other for over 6 months, has not been easy. My girls don’t ‘dislike’ him but I can tell there is a little resistance when it comes to someone else vying for mom’s attention.
As a result – and I am sure I will get yelled at for this – I have stopped inviting him to things where my kids will be involved. We have an exception coming up in a few weeks that was planned prior to this decision, but no more dinners out and ‘family’ functions. Why? Because it bothers me more than my kids are not gung ho, ‘oh I love this guy’, than it does to be without a person in my life.
For me, who still has major trust issues after what my ex did to me, it seems like a totally logical decision to push someone aside if my kids are not over the moon about it but all of my friends have told me I am insane. Completely and totally insane.
They are probably right. When this guy does not want to be pushed aside anymore, he will move on. I don’t blame him one bit. But as my girls age, I know that they will move on and I will be here, in my robe, petting dogs and cleaning up guinea pig poop.
Insanity at it’s finest.
At least I can admit it. That is the first step.