It has been a while since I have sat down and purged onto my computer screen. Shared my story. Engaged with you guys, my trusty online pals that always seem to know the right things to say. I am not talking about the products that I incorporate into posts, those have not stopped, but I am talking about my story and my truth that I have shared with you for almost 9 years. The simple answer is that I hit a wall. I hit that place every writer does where it seems like nothing you say matters. But today, after weeks of sitting down and trying to write with no avail, I can finally put fingers to keyboard and reconnect with those of you that bother to read my words. Because I miss you. I miss your support, your love, your screen-ship, if you will. Crawling out of Writer’s Block won’t be easy. Understanding how I got into it might be a little easier. So here goes. Where have I been and how I am crawling out of Writer’s Block.
The Health Aspect
If you follow me on Facebook, or this blog for that matter, you know that about 6 months ago I had quite the scare. On the advice of some really beautiful, healthy looking ladies at my new gym, I went to a wellness doctor that they recommended. I thought I was going to improve my overall health, skin care and hair care. Maybe I would have fingernails that could actually be manicured for once.
Instead he ordered a full panel of blood tests. When I say full, I mean FULL. Back came the ‘results’ and the phone call that scared me to the very balls of my feet. He said that I needed to stop exercising or doing anything strenuous because I was on the verge of a stroke or heart attack. You can read the whole event, which is one of the last personal posts I wrote, on the blood test and the thought that my kids would be motherless.
That started the spiral. It turns out, in the end, that I was fine. I had some elevated numbers but the test is just a marker. It is not meant for diagnosis or panic. I had a thyroid condition that, paired with my workout regimen, caused it to elevate. After countless visits to an MD, a Cardiologist and more doctors, I was fine. The wellness doctor meant well, I am sure, but he was the wrong source to rely on for actual medical advice.
I felt like a fool and kept it to myself. That started the writer’s block.
The Kids Aspect
I have the best kids in the world. I do. They are your typical set of sisters. The fight, they laugh, they play, they complain, they annoy each other. They also have challenges that come up everyday that I am supposed to be able to fix.
My 11 year old started 6th grade right around the time I started to fade here. My lover of all things school came home every day saying, ‘I hate my school.’ She was having a hard time getting started, which is not unusual for her. But now she was hearing things in the lunch room. Things I thought I would still have a year or so on to explain.
Sex. Racism. Sexual Harassment. Vulgar language. Inappropriate comments. It was all there.
Apparently there was a group of boys that had either ‘seen something they should not have or had a big brother that was telling them things’ that they should not know, according to the administration. They were unruly, gross and scaring the living daylights out of my 60 lb, short little 6th grader. She came home every day asking questions about things she had heard.
‘Mom, what does it mean when a boy tells you to spread them?’
‘Mom, what is an affair?’
‘Mom, what is sexism?’
‘Mom, what is rape?’
I had not even explained the basic details of sex yet and now we were thrust into this journey of growing up too fast together. The conversations almost always ended with her in tears, terrified because she ‘wasn’t ready to know these things, Mom.’
I battled endlessly with myself. What was I supposed to do? Here I am, a writer about motherhood and I was totally lost. I was in tears too. I didn’t feel she was ready either. But, here we were, having major conversations literally every day.
The school dealt with the boys as best they could. Parents were called in. In school detention was utilized. But I still have a scarred little girl that I worked so hard to protect.
Just this sucked the mojo from my story and caused me to go quiet — er.
The Life Aspect
About the time all of this happened, I started a social media management company named ADIM Media, LLC. I have done the task for years but, on the advice of clients, I decided to make it formal and to try to grow it.
Grow it did and I now am the proud manager of many pages of local and national businesses. I LOVE it and I love the interaction with adults, the conversation and the creative aspect of coming up with fun content for clients I love.
I vastly underestimated the time it took to start and maintain this business on my own, however. Here I was maintaining blog responsibilities and ADIM Media work, which are two full time jobs, all at once. I.was.exhausted.
So, in September, I hired the best in house assistant I could ever be blessed enough to find! With training, blogging, social media planning and everything else I do in a day, life just got overwhelming.
An overwhelmed writer is a quiet writer.
Now, months later, I see the light. Andy, my assistant, is amazing. With her help, and the help of my virtual assistants that I value immensely, I am finally able to sit down and to let my brain start working again. Instead of doing what is required, I can now do what I love most.
So here it is. My break with Writer’s Block. My reemergence into the thing that I crave. The stories that I have been aching to share.
I welcome it back with open arms.
I hope you do too!