I was not going to write about this but the more time I spend thinking about it, the more I have to get it off my chest. Because sometimes, you just have to speak up. I have to say, Judging Me as a Mom Does Not Make You Right!
Last night I put a status on my Facebook page about the toys my kids had taken away for spending over 2 hours rejecting my request that they lay their exhausted heads down and go to bed. I didn’t think much of it and figured most parents could relate. I don’t personally know any parents who don’t use this tactic to get their kids attention. After all, it beats a belt to the butt which is what I got at my kid’s age.
The post sat there gaining a few comments from my regular, loyal pals and then comments got a little less positive. Apparently, the post was shared by another blogger in a group that has a very different viewpoint on raising kids than I do. The comments to me called me everything from selfish to mean and nasty to a thief for taking my kids toys from them. My parenting of children was compared to handling a conflict with an adult – namely my husband, which we all know I do not have.
First of all, it is evident that none of the people commenting have ever seen a post of mine in the last 5 years and secondly, how is being mean and hateful to someone you don’t know based on an opinion you have being an open minded, raise children with kindness parent? Judging Me as a Mom Does Not Make You Right
I am an equal opportunity parent. If you want to homeschool, unschool, freestyle parent or anything else, you have my full support. It is what is great about America, you can parent the way you see fit. As long as you are not mentally, physically or psychologically hurting your child and your best intentions are at the forefront of your decisions, I applaud any parent that has responsible, respectful kids.
But for those of you Judging Me as a Mom because my children – who get toys almost daily as part of my job and who have a playroom, a kid’s library, an entire shed as a playhouse outside and an acre of land to play on – lose something to learn a lesson I see fit for them to learn, I say you went too far. Sending me from anger to tears to true sadness simply because you do not agree and using your computer to spat hateful opinions at me is not OK. Calling me names and telling me I am mean and nasty for a parenting style that is not abusive or regarded as harmful in any way – other than in your opinion – is not only short sighted, it is somewhat ignorant.
Yes, I realize I will be hammered for that last statement.
But how else am I to take it? How am I supposed to take personal attacks on my parenting for a choice I made in attempting to teach my kids that what mom says is to be heard and respected? Am I supposed to just say, ‘OK, you are right. I should sit on the end of their bed – that they are jumping on which is against the rules – try to reason with three tired and overly excited children – who are throwing toys at each other which is also against the rules – and explain to them that their bodies will be so thankful if they would just lay down and go to bed?’
If that is what I am supposed to do then I guess you can just think I am a bad parent. Three kids 8 and under, exhaustion from not having a bedtime at their dads for 10 days, extra exhausted because it took me until MIDNIGHT the night before to get them to bed – they lost nothing then – NEED to learn that when mom says it is time to lay down and be quiet, it is time to lay down and be quiet.
See, those of you judging me, you don’t know that bedtime is at 8 here and that by the time they lost things, it was 10. You don’t know that I spent an hour trying to calm them, reading to them, helping them count backwards and so on. You don’t know that I consider myself to be a pretty lenient parent when all is said and done. You don’t know that I am a single mom supporting three kids while working from home and spending any spare time learning and trying to understand how to be a better parent.
You don’t know anything about me except that I posted on my page about my kids losing THINGS in order to get them the valuable sleep that my kids need.
For those who called me selfish, I fell asleep 5 minutes after they did. So I did not put them to bed so I could have time to myself. I also got up at 5 am so I could work and be done so I could spend their vacation days with them. I also got up at 5 this morning.
For those who called me mean, ask me about my early childhood and the pain I suffered at the hands of my birth parents and then tell me again that losing a toy for a few days is mean.
For those who called me a thief for taking the things I gave my kids for Christmas until they can behave correctly and earn them back. Let me show you the 15 other gifts each one got that are still under the tree, yet to be played with.
For those who think I am raising selfish, rude children who care nothing about others, read my Facebook page. Learn about our days of kindness that we do, learn about how we give back, learn about the compliments my kids get because they have manners and use them everywhere we go. Pay attention to my #GratefulGiveaways and learn a little more about who I am as a person. Not a single post on a page full of other amazing things.
I am a good mother with tried and true methods for raising my kids. I will not apologize if they do not mesh with yours. I will not be forced to change them because you disagree. I will listen to constructive, well meaning advice. I will open my mind to suggestion and decide if the method works for my kids. I will always strive to be kind, generous and respectful of you.
I simply ask the same in return.