Every so often a heated debate happens on social media revolving around motherhood. Breastfeeding vs. not vs. where it is OK and where it is not flares up occasionally. Leaving kids in hot cars comes up every Summer, as it should. And other topics arise as we all stumble through motherhood. I am of the opinion that there is no bad motherhood decision if you are truly taking care of your kids and they are safe, happy and healthy. You can introduce all the studies in the world but I think any well meaning mom that treats her kids right is being the best mother she can.
But I also think that the internet and social media has given voice to those who are very passionate and – dare I say – narrow minded about certain issues. To the point that shaming perfectly good mothers because they don’t follow the same lifestyle and beliefs is OK in their mind.
The issue these days seems to be whether or not a mom should homeschool. While I generally applaud those who have the patience, the time and the financial means to keep their kids home and give them a quality education, I also think that it is perfectly fine not to homeschool as well. I think both homeschooling and not have benefits to kids that are unique to one and not the other.
Homeschooling moms, as I understand it, can offer a controlled environment that allows them to focus more on the education of their own kids. A teacher who often has a classroom full of children, all with different learning styles and discipline issues, may have a harder time focusing on one child and their total needs. Homeschooling moms also can have a more real life curriculum. I know many who take their kids to museums and places around the globe so that their kids get an education outside of the classroom.
I am a send your kids to school mom. My kids attend public schools and they do very well in the environment. I am a stay at home mom, I guess, but I also run a full time business from my home (this website). I can barely keep my home decent, my kids happy and attended to and my business running well without giving up almost all pretenses of sleep. So to homeschool for me would be a strain that would only hurt me and my kids. In addition, I truly believe that kids who are exposed to different personalities, lifestyles and lessons in life have a more well rounded upbringing. But that is me.
This debate is getting heated though, whether it is better to homeschool or not, and I have watched as amazing mothers have been virally bashed and yelled at because they send their kids to school. Comments like, ‘We homeschool our kids because we actually like spending time with them!’ filter into perfectly normal conversations and really can hurt to read.
There is a popular argument that crime in schools is out of control and so people homeschool to keep their kids safe from shootings and more. While I completely understand that emotional decision and sometimes wish I had the skills to make that a reality for my kids, I would argue that homeschooling does not guarantee safety. All you have to do is read about the Stay family in Houston. A homeschooling family with 5 children that were murdered, execution style, in their home, with both parents home, only one surviving.
Or Andrea Yates who murdered her sweet children in the wake of a serious mental break while being home all day every day with her 5 kids, homeschooling the older ones.
Granted, these are EXTREME cases and it is not the norm. But, despite media coverage, neither are school shootings. Especially in the younger aged schools.
Tragedy is going to happen. Whether it be a terminal illness or a car accident, no matter what decisions we make, bad things happen all the time. It is the sad fact of life. It bothers me to no end that people think that I am willingly putting my children in danger just because I send them to a public school. I bet if you ask any teacher, they would say they treat my kids as their own. Always putting safety first!
Homeschooling is an amazing thing. I honestly stand and applaud people who are making that sacrifice. But just because I do not do it does not mean I am a bad mother. I am not careless, I am not selfish, I do not want my kids to go away so I don’t have to deal with them and I don’t expect teacher’s to raise them for me.
I send them to get the same things homeschoolers want to give them: an education that is quality, well rounded and beneficial to their future.
I should not be bashed for doing something differently than another mother. Especially when the desire for success and happiness with my kids is the exact same as any homeschooler.
I applaud women who homeschool their kids…my daughter and I wouldn’t make it a day! LOL. I am also a SAHM and am very involved in her public schooling. We are blessed to have a great school system and she flourishes in it. To each their own. I’m with you that as long as you take care of your kids and they are happy and healthy, then you’re doing an awesome job!
Thank you!! And I do too. I simply don’t have the patience or knowledge to do it. Plus, I work from home so we all would suffer! Thank you for your comment!
I have so much respect for homeschooling moms. It’s not for me and I personally could never do it.
I do too, trust me! I also have the same respect for moms who don’t – we all are making good decisions so we all should be supportive!
Good on you for standing up for what you’re doing – or not doing, for that matter. We do what works for us, and nobody has a right to judge that. Personally, if I had to homeschool my nephew, I’d probably kill him!
ROFL!!! I understand completely!
I can’t think of homeschooling my kids. It’s so much work plus I live in a top neighborhood for schools so that’s a bonus.
Yep, I moved here for the district because I know I could not do it!
I will definitely be putting my son in public school – homeschooling seems like too much work for this momma! Props to all of the homeschooling moms out there.
Lol – agreed!!
Wow. I have missed this. I really hate mom shaming on any topic. This is one that would upset me a lot though. I know that the teachers at my kids’ school are much better equipped to handle their education than I am. I shouldn’t be put down for that.
Agreed – none of us should be!
I’ve thought about it in the past, but it just would not be beneficial in many ways – more than keeping them home for schooling purposes. If I ever NEEDED to, I’d cross that bridge when I came to it. Otherwise, public school – watch out for my kids! lol
My goal is to teach my children Respect, Relationship (the importance of healthy ones), and Responsibility. I cannot imagine taking on the Spelling, History, Social Studies, Math, and Language Arts. Ack! I don’t have in in me. And, I highly value the social interaction and multiple opportunities they receive while attending public schools. I applaud others who take on the role of teacher, but if they judge me on my decision to send them to (gasp) public school, well, I can only hope that they will teach their children NOT to be judgmental.
I agree – enjoy your choice and don’t judge others
Each family has to decide what’s best for them. Homeschooling is definitely not a piece of cake and things are far from perfect. Also, I don’t have the patience, time, or financial standing to make an ideal situation but we make it work somehow since it’s what’s best for us. Like you said, the main thing is that your kids learn and that your family is happy :)
Exactly – respecting each other is key
I know many moms who homeschool and many that send the kids to private or public schools. The irony is that where I am; I considered homeschooling for a while and was frankly bombarded with “are you crazy? Homeschooling is horrible! You can’t do that to your kid” . VERY little support for homeschooling families where I came from.
So it is still a very much two way street still.
That being said, I didn’t homeschool because I have far too much going on right now I know I couldn’t dedicate the time needed for my kids to be effective. We just moved and still unpacking and getting things settled. They want to go to public school here to make new friends and get to know people. So that is what we are doing for now. We will re-evaluate when needed to make sure it is still the right decision for the kids.
I think that as long as the decision is made for the best interest of the kids; that is all that matters. A mom that CAN dedicate the time to give wonderful education to her kids is awesome to homeschool. A mom like me that can’t do that; the best decision is public school. Neither should be shamed or put down because the decision is different. It’s all based on what is best given the life situations each person is placed in.
I homeschool my son, and my daughter went to public school. As someone who used to teach at a private school, I think that what you choose to do should fit both you and your children. My daughter would go crazy if she had to stay at home with me and her brother, but her brother needs the extra attention I can give his work.
I know that I could not have homeschooled. I am not a teacher of young children my nature. I applaud anyone who can, I wouldn’t bash anyone for their choices either way.
Even if I wanted to, I could not either! LOL
No one should be bashed. I don’t feel that my bachelor’s degree (not in teaching) qualifies me to ready my children for school… so I will be sending them to public. But I have friends and family who homeschool, and their children are doing well, too! To each their own :)
With all due respect, many teachers only hold a bachelor’s degree, and an education degree isn’t one of the more challenging degrees to obtain, intellectually speaking. I’m not bashing teachers or anyone else, I’m just always surprised when people say they don’t think they are qualified to teach their own kids.
Live and let live is the only way to be. What’s good for one isn’t always good for the other, and nobody needs to be judging anyone else over it.
I think everyone needs to mind their own. You are the only one that makes decisions for your children. Any one else isn’t entitled to an opinion about how you parent. Live and let live.
Yep, I am with you!
I was just talking to a fellow mom about this. I am in awe that so many can home school and wish that I could, but between you and me; I am happy when my kids go back. They get a new environment and they have all thrived in it. Meanwhile I get my time…
Yep, I agree!!
I think I COULD home school, but I don’t WANT to. It’s definitely a personal choice and each family has to weigh the pros and cons of both options (if they are options for them) We all do what is best for our families, in our individual circumstances!
Yep, I don’t want to either!! And I love going to the school and seeing them thrive too
Not homeschooling your child doesn’t make you a bad parent at all! Homeschooling has its benefits, but so does public schooling! It’s really just a decision for the parents to make for what fits their family best.
Yep, I agree :)
Yes! I’m all about everyone making their own choices, and everyone should respect other peoples choices too. Amen! also – homeschooling isn’t for me either – no patience. No patience. Kudos to those that do it, but I know it’s not in the best interest of my children or myself – I know me and … well, no. lol
LOl -i am with you!! Come on school days! LOL
It’s unfortunate when moms judge each others parenting. It’s important to do what’s best for our own families.
It really is… support is needed on all fronts
I think of homeschooling the same way I think of blogging, politics, sex and many other topics – “to each their own”. I send my children to school. I think it’s the best decision for them and that’s what matters, not what other people think.
AGREE!! And good examples!
I couldn’t agree with you more on this. I can see the benefits of both but there is so much value in having social interaction as a child. It would be great to do both.
Yep, there are definite benefits to both
I love that there are moms that homeschool but I don’t think I have the patience. My children look forward to going to school each day and interacting with their friends too.
Mine do too! They are counting the days!
All three of my children attended public school. Although there are pluses and minuses to kids being homeschooled I don’t think it’s fair for someone to shame another because they don’t follow the same parenting principals. To each their own! I do like that my kids got the opportunity to interact with a wide variety of kids. Kudos to moms who don’t have to work outside the home and have the time and patience to teach their kids in their own homes. Lori don’t beat yourself up on this issue, you’re doing what you think is right for your children and that makes you a good mom.
Thank you Dee! After meet the teacher last night, I know school is right for my kids
There is far too much judgey-judgey business that goes on with parenting choices. If it works for your family, and everyone is safe and healthy, that’s really all that matters. I loved public school; I would have hated homeschooling. We’re still undecided about what to do for Bubbles, but it will be based on what’s best for the whole family.
I agree!! The judging is sometimes out of control!
I have two in public magnet schools (ages 11 & 7) and I just started homeschooling the others (ages 9 & 7). I don’t understand the bashing that comes from both sides. What is perfect for one family (or child) may not work for another. So far homeschooling has turned out to be a lot easier than I expected (thanks to the internet) but it is certainly not for everyone. Now, I have to mention the fact that I have never once been criticized for sending my kids to school but I have been verbally attacked several times in recent weeks over the homeschooling two decision. The sweetest neighbor on our block practically screamed at me in the middle of the street and the fights with family members are intensifying. This decision was not made lightly. I did a ton of research on socialization and educational outcomes for homeschoolers before heading down this path. I just did not expect the push back to be so harsh.
Your saying “I truly believe that kids who are exposed to different personalities, lifestyles and lessons in life have a more well rounded upbringing” is no less hurtful than when you hear ‘We homeschool our kids because we actually like spending time with them!’ In general, people need to think before they speak. People tend to be insecure and second guess their decisions all of the time. This reminds me of the working vs. stay at home debate. People need to accept that what works for one family doesn’t necessarily work for all families. Hopefully, people will show more love and compassion to each other. Whichever way you choose, life is a challenge.
I sent all 3 of my children to private preschool and we were all looking forward to public grade school. Kindergarten was good for all of them but then problems began in First Grade for my second child. He had a congenital medical condition which required a lunch time dosage of medication. The school district said only a district nurse could give it to him that I couldn’t come at lunch time and administer it. Well, the nurse showed up about 30% of the time. She was covering several schools and my son would sit in the office waiting for her to show up and miss lunch, his medication and playtime. He had been in speech therapy since kindergarten. I also had the same speech problem as a child and had to learn to read by using sight reading not phonics. Our district refused to allow him to learn sight reading unless we paid his kindergarten teacher $20hr after school to teach him. We did that and he was reading at 5th grade level by First Grade. However, his First Grade teacher considered it a great bother that he needed lunch time medication and was in speech therapy and she began telling me that she thought he might me mentally retarded, yes, she said those words. I paid for IQ testing which he scored at 145. There was no apology from his teacher, she was just mad that she had been proven wrong. Meanwhile, my oldest daughter in the 2nd Grade Gifted class was encountering problems from her teacher who had her own son in her class and wanted him to score highest and was throwing away my daughter’s tests and homework. It became so bad that I had to make copies of everything my daughter turned in and take it to the office. This teacher’s husband was a top administrator in our school district. My youngest was doing fine in Kindergarten but with my son and oldest daughter being treated poorly, I made the decision to homeschool. I have a graduate degree English and a teacher’s credential. I worried about their future educations if they didn’t stay in the public school system, so I enrolled them in the home school program our district offered. I had a supervising teacher, textbooks, lesson plans, field trips, once a week meetings. I taught all three children at home. We did it for 4 years until my oldest entered public high school and my two other children began middle school at a private Christian school. Today my oldest is beginning graduate school, my youngest daughter just graduated with her B.S. in nursing and my son is finishing up college. We all remember the homeschooling years and it gave us extra years together everyday to bond. If I hadn’t felt that two of my children were being treated unfairly and my son’s health was endangered by not getting his medication, I wouldn’t have homeschooled them but it worked out.