I have been through some things in my life that are probably out of the norm. Not necessarily any worse than other people. But things that I just have out there. Even as a little girl, I have used writing as a way to let those experiences filter through me and onto paper, lifting the weight that I had to endure.
When I started this blog, the sole purpose was to write. As it has grown I have turned it into much needed income. Especially now. And I have learned that I really love to give my opinions on things that could help someone else down the line. So the products and such are an outlet as well! And I truly truly LOVE giving things away and making someone’s day. Especially if I know what they are getting is pretty darn awesome!
But as I am starting the new chapter of my life as a single mom of three it is KILLING me that I can not sit down and write all about it. And I know some readers – thank you for your emails – are missing seeing something about what is happening too. But anyone who has been though a messy divorce knows that everyone tells you to hush up and keep your opinions to yourself until the last piece of paper is signed.
So I feel really sorry for you guys at the end of March!
But I think that I am feeling more lost, confused and unsteady because I can not write it down. Well, I can write it down but I can’t get support and opinions from readers who have been through it. You, who I have come to rely on for help, support and making the right decisions in my parenting and life are not a resource for me right now.
And it is frustrating. And I know for you guys too who want – as I have been told – more of the personal writings that used to decorate this blog almost on a daily basis.
I promise you they are coming back! And by the truckloads too!
But this whole thing has got me thinking. How do people deal with things when the avenues they have come to rely on are suddenly lost to them? Whether it be that parent that you talked to an hour every day that passed away. Or that best friend who moved away and even with texting, email and social media, that two hours away is an eternity. Or the neighbor who found a boyfriend and suddenly lost time for you.
How does someone cope when the stresses of their lives when what and who they turn to for advice, concern and honesty are suddenly not there?
Of course, there is God and He and I are tighter than I have ever been with Him right now. And I will forever be grateful for these challenges because they brought me closer to Him. But can one solely rely on God to deal with the complexities of stressors that change lives?
So here I sit, sentences jumping out my head, eager to hit the page, to be hear, to be read, to be understood. And I am blocked by a metaphorical brick wall that refuses to let me through a crevice for even a moment. This is a lonely place, I won’t lie. This emotional isolation.
Thank God I won’t be here long. Because just as pages in a good book are turned rapidly ending the story all too soon, so are the chapters in a bad one. At some point you get to close the book and put it back on the shelf to stay until you want to relive it in a different time in your life.
Until then…. I just needed to write something…
Find more Motherhood Posts at My Recent Writings