I suppose it is that time in life. Where the little one becomes the bigger one and she starts to understand consequences. Therefore, she starts to try to get out of trouble before it finds her.
This evening my children were playing nicely while I was doing the dishes. I was listening as I wiped down counters and loaded the dishwasher loving the fact that my kitchen window was open and an almost springlike breeze was drifting in. They laughed, they screamed with glee, they chased each other around. It is one of my favorite times of the day.
Somewhere in the chatter I hear, “Mom, Sarah cut my hair!”
I sort of ignored it knowing full well that Sarah, of all of my children, would be cutting no one’s hair since the Great Haircut Debacle of 2012 where both Sarah and the little one, Megan suffered the awkward, lopsided haircuts that they treated each other to. It took a fill six months to get their hair back to a reasonable shape and they heard over and over and over again why they should not cut each others hair. With child safety scissors, mind you. Don’t tell me those don’t cut hair!
In any event, I go about my business thinking it is big sister trying to rile up middle sister so that she and little sister can start the cry fest that befalls this house every night around 7:04 pm.
And I hear it again, “Mom, really, I’m not kidding, Sarah cut my hair!”
I tell Katie to come see me so I can inspect said hair cut and ascertain the damage… and to hopefully call her bluff and scold her, once again, for blaming her sister for imaginary acts!
As she came bounding into the kitchen, I could hear the other two playing in the playroom. Katie came from the bathroom. Surely Sarah would have accompanied her with an excuse if she had cut her hair.
But sure enough, right on the side of her page boy haircut was a chunk missing. Not terribly noticeable – unless your her mother – but definitely cut.
I asked her if Sarah really did cut her hair, doubting that my super smart, super sweet middle daughter would want to deal with the consequences of cutting another child’s hair, and Katie promised that she did!
Somewhat frustrated, I called Sarah into the kitchen! She came running in with a super sweet grin on her face. She was not wearing that “Oh no, I am caught!” look. Nor were her sparkling eyes showing signs of distress knowing she had broken a rule. I asked her if she cut sister’s hair and Katie chimes in with, “Yes!”
Sarah genuinely looked confused. She said, “No, I didn’t do it. I know I didn’t. My hand did not have the scissors!” I could tell she was telling the truth. There was no stress there… no signs of being cold busted. So I asked the little one, “Squishy (she’ll never outgrow her baby nickname), Did you cut sister’s hair?”
“No, Mama, I di-int do it! It weren’t me!”
Nothing but truth coming from that child.
So I turned back to Katie and I asked, “Are you telling me the truth? Did you sister cut your hair or did YOU cut your hair?” Even before the tears started, the nose wrinkled and the mouth opened to wail in protest, I knew I had caught my six year old lying to me. Straight to my face, no remorse until she was caught, throwing her sisters under the bus without a care, lying.
Furious, I asked her what she thought she should lose for lying to me. She said her tablet and I agreed. So I grounded her from screen time for the entire next day. She was devastated.
But so was I.
Of all the things I can not stand as a person, it is being lied to. I lied as a child and I still feel guilt about it. Lying accomplishes nothing and it achieves the opposite of what the ones who lie are trying to get. It is a well known rule with my children that lying is a grave mistake in my house.
So, really, I was shocked. I could not believe that my 6 year old had contrived to be so mischievous and unconcerned with creating an untruth from scratch. And I am not sure what to do about it. But, as sad as it is, I now will have to question everything she blames her sisters for. Because she could be lying! She just proved it!
I know she is testing her boundaries, learning her limits, feeling around for the severity of consequences. It is part of growing up. It is part of challenging authority. We all go through it.
But I have to admit, the first time it happens, it hurts the mommy heart just a little bit. Another sign that my little baby is growing up way too fast…
And now I have to worry about trusting her. And that bothers me just a little more.
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just a day? should have been longer. i’m glad you caught her in the act though
Really? Longer. Hmmm… that never occurred to me. How long would be good?
I have to agree with Stephanie. A day is not very long. Probably depends on the kid and how big of an impact it makes. My kids are <5 so I have to worry about injuries. This would have been a triple offense for us; using scissors unsupervised, cutting hair, & lying. We would do a week no tv/electronics. I'm not a huge proponent for the kids watching tv anyhow.
I have a seven year old grandson that we have custody of and he lies constantly. He will be caught and still lie. We have punished him, no tv, no outside, and taking toys away and nothing has worked. We have had talks with him and even other family members have talked to him and that hasn’t worked either. Not sure what to do anymore. It’s very hard.
Oh Katherine,
That does sound hard. I hope you find a solution. I am very frustrated right now so I can not imagine how you are feeling! ((HUGS))
I have a 6 year old son and an 8 year old daughter both of which are caught in lies often. (blaming the other one on purpose to not get in trouble, it never works yet they still do it) but any way when they lie tablets, DSs and TV time are gone for a week. It has only been a few months that I have used this as the punishment but the liying has since drastically been cut back with both of them.
I have started with a day when they are younger…mine is 6 also…but days can be tacked on if behavior continues. I think it is ok to be mindful of their age, and what is appropriate for their ability both to remember what they did to deserve the punishment, you don’t want punishment to be out of spite or mean, you want it to teach a lesson and be a clear consequence of the behavior, if it fulfills that goal then it’s great…but if the behavior continues then punishment will escalate also :) Good job momma…raising good, responsible kiddos is HARD WORK..and what “works” one day on one kid, might not the next..but it will all be worth it someday! :)
This is not a consequence after the fact…it’s a prevention: We used to play the “lying game” so they would understand how one lie turns into more than one. My kids were like 6-8 I think. I would ask a question and they knew they were to answer it incorrectly. Then I would ask detail questions which would make them have to come up with more incorrect answers (lies). In other words, “What a tangled web we weave once we practice to deceive.” They loved the game but I think it also taught them a great lesson. May not be for every child, but it was great for mine. Example: Me: Did you clean your room this afternoon? Kid: Yes (they pretend they didn’t). Me: Where did you end up putting all those books? Then they would come up with an answer. It would get more and more difficult to keep up with the lie.
My 4 year old cut my 2 year old’s hair all the way down to the scalp. A year later and it’s just now starting to grow back. I took that very hard. She looked like a chemo patient after we were done at the salon. I’m actually a bit suprised that you’re more upset about the lie than about the hair. In the long run the hair will grow back and you have to teach your kids not to lie… it just takes so long for the hair to grow back. People still mistake her for a boy. It doesn’t look like your child cut off too much but, honestly, I’d be much more upset about the hair and the fact that she was playing with scissors. I’d get mad about the lie in a less dire situation. She was just trying to self-preserve. She knew what she did was wrong and didn’t want to get in trouble. Although you have to teach them that it’s wrong to lie, I can see how a child would want to avoid getting in trouble. It’s all about testing their boundries. I wouldn’t take it as a personal offense. Kids are born wild, it’s our job as parents to civilize them.
Tough one. When my kids have lied to me it hurts my heart too and I question my parenting – what have I done to make them think lying is ok? Am I raising amoral children? Yes, I know in my head that’s an overreaction, but in my heart I have those fears. Consequences are good, I also remind them of this instance the next time I’m questioning them and am not satisfied with just asking once. “You know, I wouldn’t be wondering if I can believe you if you hadn’t lied to me about…” Good luck!!