I can fully admit that there have been many times in my life that other people’s opinions and thoughts of me have made great impacts on my decision making and even self esteem.  As I have aged, others opinions  – especially judgmental ones – have less and less impact for me, but there are times when I still rely on them.

But, let’s face it, I am human and other’s thinking less of me for decisions I make are hard to take.  


None of us want to make decision for our children that could be wrong or harmful. We all want our kids to grow up happy, healthy, self confident and assured in our love for them.  Sure, we all know that there will be stumbling blocks along the way, but by listening to other’s, we can avoid some of the pitfalls they have experienced.

But there is a vast difference between healthy, welcome opinions, and harmful thoughts that stem from a darker place in the human mind.  Does it really matter if you potty train at 2 or 3?  Or even 4?  Does it really mean you are a bad mom if you use the TV as a babysitter on a hot summer day?  Are you really a terrible person if your kids eat at McDonald’s once a month… or even week?

Probably not in the long run.  But the judgement of others can make a mom feel inadequate.  And that is just not fair.

I can say that I have been hyper sensitive to what people think of my through my divorce, my single motherhood and how I am doing and the way I am handling it all.  People say really nice things to me but I know that I am being judged by others.  It is inevitable.  And when I get around certain people, I tend to walk on eggshells.  I try to put on airs and act like I think  I should be in front of them.  And it is all to try to adjust their opinion of what I am doing.  And it is stressful.

The other day I had daytime television on in the background while I worked.  A psychic was talking to a woman about something I can not really remember.  But something he said stood out and implanted on my mind making me think.

What other people think of you is none of your business.

I had to think about that for a few days.  What did that mean?  Did it mean that I needed to stop worrying about what other people thought of me?  Or did it mean that no matter what I do, I can’t change the way people are viewing me and my actions.

Or was it a really good out for those of us who are struggling in parts of our lives and need an excuse not to care so much that we are?

I have gone back and forth over the last few days wondering how I could apply this one sentence to my life.

I think that in the end, none of us can change the way other’s think about us.  There are people we will never be able to please.  People that we will always annoy.  People that we will consider our friends but who will always carry judgement of how we do things, decisions we make and the opinions we have.

And there is not a darn thing we can do about it.

Living life is hard and easy all at the same time.  Raising children is rewarding and frustrating all at the same time.  And doing it all under the watchful eyes of others can make it sometimes more stressful than it has to be.

So I think I am embracing the man’s words and blocking out the constant tape in my head that plays “What do they think of me?  Do they like me? Am I am good mom?” and just do the best I can with what I have.

It is really all I can do anyway.

Because at the end of the day, when I lay my head on my pillow, all I want in my head are images of my children’s smiles, my boisterous laughter at a great joke a true friend told me and a mental pat on the back that I made it through another day with my head held high and my values firmly in place.

And at the time, I really don’t have room to change someones misplaced thoughts about me anyway.

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