Yesterday, it is 109 outside – in the shade – and the melting Texas heat gave way to air conditioning and ceiling fans on full speed. And despite the kids having every toy ever made by man, the boredom factor set in quickly.
By the time the afternoon rolls around, it is time to give them some ice cold milk and put them in front of a show. The other alternatives just seem too harsh: make them clean the gutters, build me a fort of sticks… anything to keep them busy!
I tucked my three girls in, hit play on the DVD player and left the room.
It was an amazingly peaceful 5 minutes.
And then they wanted popcorn. And more milk. And cried when I said no more milk. And then squealed in delight when I gave them the popcorn.
But they never really settled. At least my oldest two didn’t.
I finally did put them to work cleaning the living room. Then instructions were to see who could pick up the most toys and put them in the respective rooms. Winner got bragging rights!
As the older two were fighting over which toys to pick up, I went looking for my two year old, who had been surprisingly silent.
I found her, curled up, hands tucked under her face, legs entwined, sound asleep on my bed.
I could not resist.
I climbed up next to her and watched her sleep.
She is so beautiful.
Her eyes were dancing to the rhythm of the perfect dream, her lips puckering in response, and her little hand jumping at an interval of impact. One side of her hair was matted down with summer sweat, her curls stuck to her little face, reminding me that it is time to have her hair cut once again.
I breathed in what is left of her baby smell. The lingering scents of a new diaper, the baby lotion that had not washed off with her playing in the water in the sink, and the unmistakable smell of baby shampoo, left from a morning bath meant to cool her off.
It is almost over, this time of her life that can be defined as baby. Technically a toddler, I soak in her chubby legs and dimpled hands, praying that the camera has caught her images enough that when memories are smothered in my mind, photos can bring them back.
And I let a saddened tear of time fluttering by, unable to be caught and contained long enough to appreciate it, slide down my face. I’ll miss having babies. I’ll miss this baby.
I have learned that before I know it, I will watch her head off to Kindergarten, cry in my lap over a broken heart, and watch her walk down the aisle to the start of her family. It will all happen tomorrow, in the blink of an eye, while I am paying attention to my oldest going to Kindergarten and my middle daughter learning how to write.
But yesterday… yesterday I pretended like time stood still. Like I had all the time in the world to enjoy what is left of this precious time.
Yesterday… I watched her sleep.
**Originally Published 8/6/2011**
Wow! You totally struck a nerve with me on this one. I’m feeling the same thing with my kids. I have four. My oldest going to Kindergarten and the youngest is 3 months and my middle two, twins, just turned 3. They are growing up just way too fast and I’m trying to soak in every second with them as possible. I keep telling my husband we need a pause button on life.
Thanks for sharing!
Thank you so much for commenting :) Yes, they grow up way to fast. And while I watched her sleep, I marveled that she is already 2! It is amazing just how much they change!!
I’m sitting here with tears in my eyes, having just finished reading your post. My “baby” just turned 2 and I’m scared. Scared that I might have missed something, that I didnt take enough pictures, that someday I’ll forget what he was like when he was small…the sounds of his voice, the smell of him. I want to stop where we are and take in each and every moment because even if I have another, or maybe another – he will always be my first baby, my little boy…and no other child will be quite like him. They grow up too fast!
This is beautiful and I just want you to know that! I think it’s an amazing bond we mothers have..we may not know one another but we *know* each other because we’ve been there, too. My boys are 4 and 2 and they’ll be starting Kindergarten and Preschool this fall..I long for another baby, but I don’t know if it will happen and I often catch myself looking at my 2 year old with tears in my eyes thinking “this may be the last time I have a toddler”. Even if I do have more children at some point, my boys will continue to grow. Oh how I miss holding my 4 year old on my chest when he was a newborn. How I miss my 2 year old’s first little giggles as he watched his big brother dance and sing. Everything about this motherhood thing is bitter sweet…sweet because we are blessed to feel the feelings that it brings, bitter because those moments in time can’t last forever.