‘She will hate you when she is 20 if you don’t do this for her now.’
That is the comment the doctor told my friend in front of her daughter at the last visit. What was she referring to? Hormones to make her daughter grow at more ‘acceptable’ rate for society. Keep reading, it gets even better.
Should doctors give parenting advice?
Sitting on a swing with my dear friend, the sun warm, the wind blowing, we chatted about as our children played. With seven little girls between us, we were the majority on the playground. In between, ‘Don’t do that!’ and ‘I’ll help in a minute.’ was good, adult conversation. The kind that you have with good friends that allow you to complain a little, uplift a little and talk a little about the things you don’t get to talk about when the kids are right there. Stuff that gives you that knowledge that you are not alone in this motherhood thing. Stuff we all need to talk about.
For months now my friend has been seriously conflicted about her older daughter. At 10, she was growing at a very, very slow rate. She is the height of my 8 year old and her 7 year old sister is catching up to her fast. She has always been small on the growth chart, if she made it on at all. With all of my kids being in the lower 10th percentile for height and weight, I don’t think there is a thing wrong with being short. I am 5′ 1″ after all and my best friend is 4′ 11″. You work with what God gave you and make it an asset, making society bunk the ‘norms’.
But this doctor she has been seeing has been pushing her to really consider hormones for her daughter. She wants her to grow more rapidly so that she looks more like the other kids. My friend wants data. She wants to know how many inches she could even gain. What the long term affects the hormones will have on a 10 year old and how should she expect her daughter to react to the treatment. My friend already seriously struggles with her daughter being on ADHD medications and is always looking for a better alternative to those as well. We simply don’t know the long term affects for sure and, like any mom, we are weary of cramming things into our kid’s systems without fully understanding the benefits and risks.
At the last appointment, my friend voiced her concerns and the comment she got spat back at her was, ‘She will hate you when she is 20 if you don’t do this for her now.’ On a sunny day, at the park with children playing with carefree joy, I believe my face turned redder than the sun in anger when my friend relayed the comment. It deepened in color when she told me her daughter, and mother, were right there in the room when she said it. I thought, should doctors give parenting advice?
Forget the totally unprofessional comment made in front of the totally inappropriate audience to be listening to it. Forget that the mom has been truly conflicted about the decision and up all night many nights in a row researching such a treatment. Forget that society’s standards are the very last thing we should ever be pushing on our kids to conform to when it comes to looks. This comment was rude, wrong and completely unacceptable from a doctor to a parent. She had no right giving parenting advice at all. Much less to a mom who is clearly responsible and trying to make the best decisions for her daughter.
How dare she!, was my reaction. Who the HELL does she think she is? followed closely behind. Shaming a mother into subjecting her daughter to a myriad of drugs that no one really knows how will affect her is completely against what a doctor should be doing! A doctor’s job, as I understand it, is to educate and answer and to lay out all of the options. It is not to spat a comment in poor taste at a confused mom in front of her perfectly normal child who happens to be shorter than most.
But when she then told me that the doctor, in addition to wanting to drug her kid to grow, wanted her to take her for learning disability testing, I was really irate. This child has 2 A’s, 2 B’s and a C, which is a 77, by the way, and has always done well in school! Sans some attention issues from the ADHD, she is a wonderful student! All of the teachers love her and the mother has not gotten any real complaints since they found this latest combination of nutrition and medication. But the doctor thinks because she is small and has ADHD that she possibly has a learning disability too. She wants to systematically ‘rule it out.’
Again, this was said in front of the child.
Learning disabilities? Hormones? Unacceptable comments to the mom in front of the child?
I relayed to my friend that I did not care how ‘highly rated’ or ‘recommended’ this doctor was, she was a flat out quack! And I am a pro-science, doctors have more education that me and should be respected, kind of mom. I told her that I would never go back to that doctor and would seek second, third and fourth opinions before I put my child, who is still developing, on anything to make her a few inches taller. Nor would I subject a child doing fairly well in school to testing that could only segregate her further from her peer group should they find an inkling of evidence that she may learn differently than other kids.
Days later, I am still angry for my friend. She left upset, almost in tears and more confused than ever. Plus she had the added stress of explaining all of the doctor’s comments to her daughter. Who by the way, uses her small stature to enhance her gymnastics which is flat out amazing for a 10 year old! You should see her medal wall!
But what do you think? Do you think the doctor was out of line in her comments? How do you think the mom should have reacted? Do you think the mom should be concerned about a shorter child and do you think the learning disability testing is as necessary as the doctor suggested? I really want to know what you think!
….wow…….just wow! No I don’t think the Dr had any right to say that! Dr’s are “brainwashed ” by pharmaceutical companies to sell the drugs they sell. If said child is going to be short, then she’ll be short! I’m short too! Nothing wrong with it. Personally I wouldn’t even think of this for my kids (who btw are all in the 90% and above for their high and weight but I’m not trying to stop them from growing!). As far as the learning disabilities go, I wouldn’t have her tested unless she was failing! Once kids are diagnosed it stays with them FOREVER! Extra one on one time, sure! Maybe a tutor if she needs it. ADHD has nothing to do with learning! (Several in my family have it!) Also, my sister has taken my nephew off of ALL his ADHD meds by using a specific recipe using Young Living Essential oils! Where there is a will there is a way! I’ll be praying your friend makes the best decision for her and her daughter!
I imagine you can guess what I would have said. Height is not an indicator of adult happiness.
New doctor!
Are you kidding me??!! Why in the world would a doctor advise a parent to give their young developing child hormone injections? If there is no true medical need for the injections, then don’t allow this doctor to give them!!!!!! If the only reason for recommending hormone injections is to make the child conform to societal standards of “Beauty”, then there is no need to even suggest them.
Also, if the child is doing well (ie passing all classes) in school, then there is no reason at all for suggesting that the child be tested for a learning disability!! BAD DOCTOR FOR THESE RECOMMENDATIONS!!!!!!!!!
These kinds of comments, especially in front of the child, are the kinds of things that start the self-esteem and self-image issues that plague so many people these days. If the child is healthy and well adjusted, then there is no need for any doctor to make such a comment at all.
If this young lady is short, then she will be short. There is no need to make a big deal about it. It sounds like the mother and daughter have found a constructive way to use her small stature in a positive and constructive manner with Gymnastics. Also, great physical activity is a great way to keep the ADHD in check. Good for you mom and daughter!!!
This young girl is perfect just the way she is!!! If God wanted us to look the same, act the same, and essentially be the same He would have made us so.
Speaking as a mother with a grown child, I would advise this mom to find another doctor in a completely different practice for a second opinion. I would also tell the new doctor what I was told and ask if there is any medical reason, other than being short, for my child to receive hormone injections. And I would ask if there is any reason they can see, other than a diagnosis of ADHD, for my child to be tested for a learning disability if she is performing well in school.
If the new doctor says “NO” to both questions, then I would file a complaint with the AMA against the 1st doctor. The complaint would be about exposing a young child to potentially dangerous and harmful treatments with no true medical need.
What that Dr’s talking about is growth hormone that comes from the pituitary gland. Our oldest son was legitimately growth hormone deficient, and was on growth hormone for 8 years until puberty and his testosterone kicked in at good enough levels to finish the growth process.
Unless the Dr. has done a LOT of specific testing (requires an overnight in a hospital with part of it in the sleep-study area) then I consider it malpractice to try to give it to a child. Having too much growth hormone can be just as dangerous as not enough. I seriously doubt an insurance company would pay for the GH without proof of the testing, and GH is NOT cheap–at all. Our son needed $5,000.00 of Protropin every three months. That amount is just for the medicine and doesn’t cover the endocrinologist, blood tests, syringes, and other sundry things that go along with this.
If the Dr. has a legitimate concern, then the child should be taken to an endocrinologist for the special testing and treatment that will happen if the child shows to be needing more growth hormone. IF the child IS growth hormone deficient, then it’s necessary to get the treatment–even if you end up in a study “trial” at a teaching hospital to get the medicine for free. Without the proper amount of growth hormone, height isn’t the only thing effected. You’re also talking about organs needing it to grow properly, or later on in life the child can have all kinds of problems caused by the heart, liver, etc. (you get the idea) not being the proper size for an adult.
IF the doctor is suggesting the initial blood testing to see if GH therapy is needed, then it’s okay, and I’d do the blood testing if I were her. But for a doctor to recommend any hormonal teasing just based on height without testing? Yep, that’s malpractice, and I’d be finding another physician. Pronto!
I forgot to say, ADHD itself is considered a learning disability, and testing should have been done when the decision was made to put her on the meds. Also, ADHD drugs themselves can stunt growth. She needs to look the drugs up that she’s on in a website like walgreens.com and read all the reactions and contraindications that are in the fine print. Ritalin I know for a fact says:
“THIS MEDICINE MAY AFFECT growth rate and weight gain in children and teenagers in some cases. They may need regular growth and weight checks while they use this medicine.”
Yuck! This is not right. If doctors want to provide parents with various reading materials to take home and read to help make informed decisions than great but right there in front of the child? He is definitely doing more harm than good at that point. Poor parents and shame on that doctor for feeding into a major social issue these days. Very informative post and more parents should read this so they don’t feel alone and know they have a voice in making