Today marks a major milestone in my life and my children’s lives. My three children are all in school for the first time since I started having children over 6 years ago.
Yes, my 3 year old started preschoool two days a week. And with my middle sweetie, Sarah, in her last year of preschool three days a week and my oldest loving first grade, I am kid free now two days a week for several hours.
As I drove home this morning after the excitement of walking them into their classes, helping little Megan understand the routine – Sarah is a PRO – and taking a million photos, telling them I love them 7000 times and listening to the rules and regulations at the morning meeting, I let the tears spill from my eyes. They were JUST born! How does this happen so fast?
I looked in the rear view mirror at my three empty car seats and it hit me. I was alone.
Totally alone.
Now what do I do?
Sure, I have a blog to write, a house that is way overdue for a deep cleaning, a car that needs vacuuming, a dog that needs walking, exercise that needs to be done. But I have all of that anyway when my kids are at home all day, every day.
Why do I feel so lost?
So – dare I say it…. lonely?
If I want to go home and sit on the couch for the entire 5 hours and watch bad daytime TV I can. If I want to lunch with a girlfriend and hit the stores for a day of shopping, I can. I don’t have anything holding me back. No kids to worry about tantrums from, no nap times to adhere to, no people to take care of.
And then it entered my over thinking, confused head that this might be why stay at home moms get such a bad wrap. Why people ask them what they do all day. Especially once the kids are in school!
What DO I do all day?
Is my job done? At least the reason for staying home done?
If I am supposed to be reaping the reward of six years of day in and day out poop explosions, siblings fights, sudden boo boos and kids that don’t sleep, shouldn’t I enjoy this little perk?
Instead, despite the fact that I will probably sit at my desk working the entire time catching up from the craziest summer in history, I feel guilty. Like I should be DOING something. Like I should be earning my title, proving myself, showing how hard Stay at Home Moms really work!
It is an odd set of feelings rolling around in my head, spilling the truth into my heart, and ultimately decorating this page.
Who am I now? On these days alone? Without a child to hold, a smile to enjoy, a tiny hand to play patta-cake with when I want?
And am I alone in my thoughts? How do other Stay at Home Moms feel on this day? This monumental thud of freedom that comes right when you think it never will? Or am I so engulfed in emotion right now that I am creating questions that really don’t need answers?
What are your thoughts? How did you look at your job as a Stay at Home Mom once your kids entered school? And how did you deal with it?
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This will be me next year except this has been my past 10 years. I have been seriously thinking of what to do next year. I do not want some small job that I only work part time. I will not have money to do endless shopping. I do not wish to go back to school. But, my purpose will be served as a stay at home mom and I do to feel the need to prove myself and bring in some contributions. I will be doing surveys and have also thought about trying to sell items on the internet that I make. I am quite crafty. There is always a chance that wont pan out. I feel your internal question…
There are a TON of ways to stay busy online and make some extra change! I bet it will be super weird for you, though!
All 5 of mine are either in school or out on their own. I still have plenty to keep me busy with laundry, cleaning, pets, paying bills, making meals…the list goes on. My time also gets redirected from taking care of only my own children to taking care of them and 48 other kids by volunteering in their schools, helping their teachers with “little projects” like sight word cards and such. You aren’t obsolete :) You are just facing the same change in routine we all face sooner or later as stay at home parents. And now your contributions become even more important, because you can help change the lives of a ton of kids and their parents, just by being you!
Thank you for your kind words! I am actually BUSIER since they have been in! This blog is 100% more crazy now that school has started! what was I thinking? LOL
I have a junior in high school and a fifth grader and I just now went back to work part time. I am off work in time to pick my younger one up from school and by the time my oldest gets home from school. Some days yea I felt guilty because I sat at home and only had a mental health day. Other days I worked just as hard as if I had a job with things around the house and volunteering at school. Just because the kids are in school does not mean you are absolete. It just means your roll has changed just a little bit. You’ll find that the kids are your children’s school will think you are the cool mom because you can be there for the field trips and coming to eat lunch with them just because. My youngest daughter’s friends argue over who gets to eat lunch with us (they get to sit in a special place when visitors come) because their own parents can’t (or in sad cases won’t) come eat with them. Chin up, you are doing the absolute best thing for your kiddos! :)
Thank you so much! The thing is, I have SO MUCH to do but I guess I just feel like I am used to doing it with them! LOL ;D I am getting better…. this is week 2!
Awww…this make me sad also. It won’t happen for me until three years from now, but that will be quite a change. Somedays I feel like I am going crazy and would LOVE to have just a couple of hours to myself. But of course, it will be lonely. When all three are in school full time I plan on volunteering at the school so I can be involved and know what is going all. If you are like me, you have thousands of photos that need to be scrapbooked or even printed out. That might keep you busy!
I PRAYED for these days and now I pray for the chaos sometimes. But just sometimes! LOL ;D
As a working mom, I had a similar response to the fact that my youngest went to kindergarten this year. I’ve always harbored a dream that someday, just maybe I could be a stay-at-home mom, even if only part-time. Now that both kids are in school, I realized that this dream is no longer a dream but now is a missed opportunity. Sure, I could be there when the get off the bus and home on summer vacation – but now, there is less ‘value’ in the opportunity. It made me sort of sad that I never got that chance, save for the part-time schedule I was allowed to work for the first three months after my maternity leave.
Yes, it was a very hard thing when I worked and my kids were in daycare. I feel very blessed that I got to spend the time with them that i did. I hope one day, you get that too! Because even in school you will all enjoy the time!
My kids are gone now from 7:50am-2:50pm Monday-Friday. My kids are in Kindergaten and first grade. I have some sites that I make money from, so that is what I’ve done while the kids are gone so far. Last year our now Kindergatener was in Preschool so I did have her 1/2 the day, but now I have no kids at home all day, plus my husband is sleeping while I’m home,because he works nights. It’s nice and quiet right now.
I bet that is fantastic!!
I did volunteer a lot at school last year, but now the school has hired another aid for kindergarten, so now they have 1 teacher and 2 aids. I do hope that I can go in their and volunteer sometime though.
That is awesome! I am the HRP Coordinator and the HRP. I suspect I’ll be much busier than I anticipate!
This
will be me in 9 days. My youngest of three children (ages 4, 5 & 9) will start pre-K, which is all
day. My oldest will start 4th grade. I will be home alone during the
school day, for the first time in almost 10 years. Everyone keeps
asking what I will do (or telling me I can “get a job”). I know I
will miss the kids, but I’ve decided that I’m going to take some time to
do some things I’ve always wanted to do (for myself), but could never
find the time for. Then, I’m going to volunteer some at the 2 different
schools. Then, I’ll work on some house projects. Then, (big) IF I
feel like it, I may sub. at the school. Not to sound boastful. I’m
grateful that I don’t have to “get a job” right now. I’m just going to
embrace this new season of life & not let anyone tear me down for
the way I’m doing it. I’ll feel good about the fact that my children will be able to come home to a clean house & a good meal, all provided by a mommy who is not so stressed out anymore. I’ll still be a SAHM & I will be able to contribute in ways that not everyone has the privilege to do. These are the things I’ve told myself & if I start to feel guilty, when this new season comes around, I’ll remind myself of these things.