Only serious applicants need apply.

Job description probably will change on a minute by minute basis.

Your boss may be cranky, irritable and in dire need of coffee.

I am hiring Flies on the Wall.  I need responsible, unbiased flies to listen to how my children and I communicate all day and report back.  Honestly.  You must not be fearful of being swatted if your opinion is not cared for.  Nor are you allowed to eat my food.  And I would appreciate it if only a few of your eyes watched me at time.  More than that is just creepy.

Because clearly what I am doing is not working.  And I need help in learning how to get my children to:

1) Clean up after themselves

2) Stop telling me no

3)  Stop pulling each others hair

4)  Stop screaming

5) Stop whining

6)  Come when I call them

7)  L I S T E N

They are not bad kids. Quite the contrary, actually.  But, clearly I do not possess the skill of “child speak”.  And I adore them so maybe I let them get away with too much because I don’t want to break their little hearts.  And it is possible – maybe a tad – that I lack consistency.  Also quite plausible that I placate them and they have learned that if they don’t do something, Mommy will eventually do it for them.

So maybe I need to hire a parenting coach.  Or someone to swat me every time I cave and don’t follow through thus causing them to continue to not take me seriously.

But funds are low and I need someone to talk to – so flies are my only option.  There is no application and, most likely, I will not require a background check.  If it does not work out, I’ll just shoo you out.

So, leave your fly resume below and we’ll talk.  Or just fly in the open door that my kids never close.  I welcome your advice and input.

*Photo borrowed from with permission