Last night was the biggest mommy screw up of my mommyhood experience. And I have a LOT so you know it is huge!
You already know how exhausting our bedtime routine is. And if not, please feel free to catch up, shake your head, and send coffee after reading Bedtime Ain’t for Sissies.
So yesterday, after being up with Katie past 11pm, being up with her from 2- 3:30am, and then having her wake up at 7am, I decided she needed some serious sleep. If only to save a day of major frustration dealing with a very tired child!
I gave her a small dose of melatonin. It took four hours, but she finally fell asleep on my floor and slept until 3pm. She so needed it!
But last night, of course, she was in no way ready for bed at 7. Or 8. or 9. Or 10. In fact, at 11:45, when I thought she was asleep in her room, I went to check on my kids, and her light was on and she was putting on a fashion show.
Grrr…
The routine of putting her in bed, kissing her, and walking away among protests started. At about 12:30am, she seemed to be really asleep.
I came into my office and typed and listened for a while.
Convinced she was asleep, I turned on my nightly guilty pleasure of murder and mystery on the Investigation Channel.
I went back to work and turned my head every once in a while to see that the episode of human debauchery I was watching was kind of bloody. Man bludgeons girlfriend and new boyfriend, blood everywhere.
All of a sudden, I hear, in a tiny little scared voice, “Mommy, I am scared! I don’t want to watch them killing people.”
And then true, genuine tears from my four year old.
Apparently, Katie had managed to come out into the living room, through two doors, without my hearing a thing, and curl up on my couch to be witness to my very grown up program.
My heart dropped through my feet, smashed through the tile and foundation of the house, and kept sinking to infinity.
I can not believe my little, innocent girl, who I have protected as best I could from anything that would scare her and be imprinted on her little brain to recall at the darkest times of the day, saw the reenactment of murder.
A huge, massive, big fat mommy screw up!
I tried everything after that to calm her down and get her back to sleep. She did not want to sleep in my room. She did not want to read books. She did not even want to talk about Rapunzel. She just wanted me to sit and hold her, every once in a while telling me she was scared, whimpering a little, asking why the man was so bad and why the lady did not get up after he hit her.
I fought back tears and desperately searched for a rewind button that I could push in her head.
We sat until 2:30am when she finally fell asleep in my arms.
What do I do now? How can I possibly fix this? She remembers every little thing. And I have a feeling her nightmares will worsen now that she has this in her head!
I don’t know how to handle a screw up this big.
I suppose, one day, she’ll just forget it. But until then, please send all coffee and patience to my house. Because my big fat screw up will probably lead to even more big fat terrible exhausted posts about the joy of bedtime!
**Originally Published 06/01/2011**
She will forget about it soon!! I think it will bug you for MUCH longer then it will bug her!!!
I sure hope you are right!!! ;)
Aw poor Mama! You will get through it and so will your little one. Lots of mommy hugs and kisses will fix it all! Isn’t it wonderful to be that person to someone else? When I start to lose patience with my little one my husband tells me “Her only crime is loving you too much.” Talk about the instant fix. So Katie’s only crime is loving you too much! And she STILL loves you too much.
Thank you so much Kristi!! I need to remember that for sure! I am praying
this does not have the affect I think it will! I really appreciate your
reading and commenting!
Oh no! Maybe talk to her about how it’s just a tv show? I don’t know!
Though p.s. I think we’ve all had much bigger mommy screw ups, so don’t beat yourself up too much!
LOL!! I KNOW I have much bigger screw ups! But I don’t want to be the
reason she is scared, you know? I did talk to her about how it is pretend
and that nothing happened to the people and she said it was mean and she
wanted to tell them to be nice. I hope it makes an impact that cancels out
the rest! Thank you so much for reading!
Lori
Sounds like you both had a rough night. I’m hoping that, like Ducky said, she forgets about it. But if she doesn’t, you will be there to comfort her and tell her that that bad man is gone forever. The sad truth is that she will be exposed to the violent side of human nature at some point, but hopefully she will be a little older and better able to manage those feelings. Even watching the news can be a scary experience. As far as mommy fails go, I think you’ll both be just fine. She’ll probably just need more reassurance and some talking about it to get over that fear.
Thank you Lisha! I am hoping with a day of fun positive activities, that
tonight she will not recall it. And if she does, I don’t mid holding her
again. Thank you so much for reading!! ;)
I’m sorry that happened. I hope you can forgive yourself and know that you aren’t at fault. Heres a *hug*. I hope she forgets about it soon. You are a great mommy!
Thank you so much!! ;) I appreciate it!
oh poor little angel!! Don’t worry mommies love and hugs will fix everything with a little dash of time and yes lots and lots of coffee!!!
Aww- thanks hon! She has not mentioned it again so hopefully it has been forgotten!
I’m so sorry! That really stinks. Something like that could happen to any of us though. Just comfort her, tell her it wasn’t real and there is no reason to be scared. Hopefully after a while, it will sink in and she’ll move past it.
Thank you Crystal! She had a hard time last night but I finally curled up
with her in our bed and she went to sleep! Poor boo :(
NO one is perfect. My dad let us watch movies we shouldn’t and I made it out ok, at least this was an accident. Forgive yourself, like I have forgiven this toothefair for falling asleep and leaving the toothe not onece but twice.
Stumbled your post and liked it. Won’t you stumble my celebrity interview!
I will – coming to see you now! Thank you! Yes, my foster parents took me
to see Friday the 13th when I was sick. I am still traumatized!!
I’m a new reader from the Blogfrog!
I hope things are better with Katie! This really wasn’t your fault- you didn’t purposely let her see the program. My parents were watching one of the Gremlins movies when I was little, and I came out and saw a part (still vividly remember it) and it gave me nightmares for years. But it certainly wasn’t my parents fault- I don’t blame them at all for it, and I eventually did get over it. I got nightmares from Disney’s The Rescuers (Medusa really freaked me out!), so you can tell I was an incredibly sensitive child.
My DD is only 21 months old, but it can take me hours to get her to sleep as well. I’m grateful we are still nursing, so I can use that, but it can still take a long time, and I’m dreading weaning. All I know is that I’m quite sure no college student has ever had to bring her mom to school with her so she can sleep, so I know someday, this will pass!
Oh boy…I feel for you, but don’t beat yourself up too badly. These things happen (in our own unique ways) and our kids turn out fine. This will probably turn into a funny story that you tell for years to come, after she’s all grown up. Truly!
Stumbled you!
Thanks for linking up!
Kristin :)
Stumbled you post. It will get better. Kid bounce back pretty easily:)
I was watching Rocky Horror Picture Show in grade school and look how well I turned out! No, don’t sneer – she’ll be fine, she has you!!
-:¦:- Stumble Through Thursday: Brain Necklaces on Etsy -:¦:-
Oh no! That’s something that would happen to me. I’m sure she’ll forget everything soon.
I read once about the best thing you should do when a child hears or sees something they shouldn’t. You just say something loud and silly. I think the point was that they would remember the loud and silly thing instead of the other.
I shout out “peanut butter and jelly sandwiches!” at least once a week. My kids always look at me like I’m crazy, but it seems to work.
Though, I’m not so sure that would have worked in this scenario–maybe next time. :)
HAHAHA!! I love it!! She has not said a word about it so I am hoping my
telling her it was pretend unscared her!! Thank you for that advice, I will
be using that! We’ll all be yelling it now! LOL
As a nine year old, I somehow got hold of a copy of the book ‘Pet Cemetary’. Somewhere between the picture of a cat, and the miss-spelling of the word ‘semetary’ on the bright purple cover, no-one noticed that it probably wasn’t a childrens book. I, of course, decided that I had to read the entire thing. I turned out fine.
LOL! Now THAT is a scary book! She seems unphased so far so maybe I just got lucky! Thank you for reading and commenting!!
The same thing happened when my daughter was about that same age. She would sneak out of bed and hide behind the couch. It wasn’t until she started asking questions that I realized that she must have seen more than one episode.
She is 19 years old now. She has a passion for fighting for those who can’t fight for themselves. Would I go back and prevent her from seeing that show? Absolutely! However I’m grateful that she channeled what could have been ugly into something positive.
You can channel that episode into something inspirational. I think Mr. Roger’s used to say that his mom told him whenever something bad happened to look for the helpers.
Thank you!! I am glad your daughter turned things into a positive! At now 9, I think my daughter has recovered, but I do still hear her sneaking in sometimes! LOL