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My very loyal reader, Vanessa Man, sent these stories to me. I am so appreciative of her honesty and desire to share her opinion of how mother’s treat each other. Read along and see if you can relate!

motherhood nation

A week ago, I put out a piece for Motherhood Nation titled: Put Yourself in HER Shoes. The response was overwhelming in the honest reaction of moms who are tired of being judged or ridiculed for not being like other moms. Read below for three examples and how they affected one mom.

First, I used to belong to a group [of moms. One time the manager of the group said that she had called the police at a Dollar Tree store because another mother told her own child to stop crying because it was stupid.  I had a very long and heated discussion with her on how she was very quick to judge how a mother treated her child on that occasion.  Just because they were having a bad day does not make her a bad mother and she never understood the consequences of her actions.  How much she could have ruined a person’s life just by passing judgment so quickly? In the end I left the group, and it wasn’t until other moms told her the same that she realized what she had done.  She only had 1 daughter and had absolutely no experience on dealing with boys.  I think she learned her lesson.

What do you think? Yes, calling a child stupid is unacceptable. But does it warrant police interaction and a possible fight with CPS?

My older son has ADHD.  When he was little we were approached by so many people that felt entitled to give their opinion on my very awful job as a mother.  I had no life for the first 6 yrs of my son’s life.  Every accident he had happened when I was trying to go to the bathroom while leaving my door open so that I could watch him.  I never ever took as much as a shower without another adult watching him because of fear of what he could do.  We had good days, but they were less than the bad days.  Yet, we were approached every single time we went out with the same phrase:  you need to teach your kid some manners.  What did they think I was doing?  Just because I was telling him in Spanish it did not mean that I was telling him to run around like a Tornado and leave the same results as a Tornado!!!  With time and the right medication my child is a model kid.  He still has bad days, but we are able to go places and he is able to behave like a normal child.  I, however, have not been able to overcome all the criticism that I have received and all the stares and hatred that I have received during these 12 years.  People feel that they have the right to say whatever they want without thinking on the results on the other end.  That is what that woman did.  They seem to forget that they were kids too.  And that even as adults we throw fits sometimes too. 

Who can relate to this very honest story? How do you think she can move on and heal from the women who did not bother to understand her situation before they judged her?

From Vanessa:

Thank you for sharing the story.   I have to say that even though the crying does bother people (see my story about being in her shoes), I do know how that woman feels, and how it feels to endure the stares, the murmur from people that seems to think that their children are perfect and everybody else’s is always wrong.  Now we are having restaurant not admitting kids, and even stores that are not allowing children in.  How are our children supposed to learn how to behave if they can never go out to learn to?  I was told once children stay at home with a babysitter until they learn to behave.  My answer was that my kids are not dogs, they go with me AND they have learned to behave.  I have a 7 and a 12 years old and they have gone with me to the best restaurants we can afford and behaved better than many adults.  They still have bad days, and when I see those coming we try to avoid going out.  But in the event that we have to, I get my thoughts ready to reply back to those that feel the need to express their obsessive, ridiculous, selfish thoughts out loud.  I still get embarrassed, but at least I give a piece of my mind back, something I learned a while back since they are so rude to come and say whatever they want. 

How many of us are on pins and needles when we go out worried more about what other moms will say to us than how our children will behave? How do you look at other moms? Do you judge or try to put yourself in HER shoes?

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