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I was at the store the other day, lazily walking down the aisle, trying to figure out what to get my kid that has everything for her birthday. Along the way, my She does not need that, she will live without that, you are spoiling her, but OMG she would look freaking ADORABLE in that! internal arguments were interrupted by the very loud cries of a child a few aisles away.
I, long ago, gave up the hypocritical annoyance of having my Saturday morning interrupted by a child’s tantrum. Especially since all three of mine have treated other patrons to it on more than one occasion. I actually smiled and walked on, really, really glad that mine were past that stage. For the most part.
But the loud, protesting, tantrum continued, impossible to ignore even in my grateful reverie.
I, though, kept on my path, dictating to myself that a 7 year old was clearly over the Dora section, and moved on to find a You are the coolest mom in the whole wide world! gift.
But the screaming tantrum was persistent and I could tell that it was getting closer to scene. I passed the tantrum scene on my way to the What to get your 7 year old when you are competing with an ex-husband who will be competing with you, no matter unhealthy it is aisle, and passed the GRANDmotherhood who was in the store with 4 boys clearly under the age of 8, trying to calm her 2 year old Grandson into compliance even though he really, really wanted that Lego set.
I felt for her. I really did. I have been there. Fighting the inconsolable child that is screaming your inadequacies to deal with them all through the store.
But I was the only understanding one, I think. Because as I passed, I heard from a woman with a child in the seat in her cart to her friend, She need to take that child home. I am trying to shop in Peace here!
Uhhhhhh….. really?
REALLY?
THIS is how we support each other?
We listen to another woman trying to get a child under control and we chastise them for it? As if none of us have ever been in a situation where embarrassment paired with a complete and utter loss of what to do with an inconsolable child leaves us sitting in a store aisle praying no one can hear them?
I turned back around to the aisle where the screaming child and Grandmother sat, three other boys noisily done with it all, begging to go look at the other toys on the next aisle.
I saw she was on the little boy’s level trying to get him to calm down and walked on, not wanting to interrupt what she was trying to do. I heard her telling him that he was to shape up or she was going to take him to the car, nothing in hand, and take him back home where he could throw all the tantrums he wanted.
I don’t know what she said next, but the aisles were suddenly quiet, his tantrum calm, releasing us all from the knowledge that it could have been our kid.
I heard the same woman with the child in the card say FINALLY, Thank God! loud enough for anyone to hear and I was livid again.
When did raising a child and teaching a child to behave become an outdoor activity that would not bother another person? Last time I checked, it took patience, calmness, rationality and a great deal of self restraint to raise a child. No matter where you were!
I shook my head and headed out of the toy section, deciding my 7 year old needed nothing here, and passed the Grandmother, 4 little boys in tow, now looking for books that they could read to each other.
I stopped and said, Good Job! It is tough to get an upset child calm and you did awesome!
She blushed a little and said, These are my grand babies and I am trying to give their moms a break. I just wanted everyone to stop staring!
As I walked away I thought it was ridiculous that ANY women – mother, grandmother, aunt, sister, caregiver – should be embarrassed that she had to parent in a public place. I think we have to parent everywhere! Even when others might be disturbed.
Now, listen, I have been at this for 7 very short years. And I have learned that when one of my kids decides to throw a tantrum, vacating the premises immediately is the best option. And I have done it enough that my kids know the punishment. But this Grandmother was trying to do a good thing for her daughter. And the women with the cart needed to HUSH IT and fast!
Supporting each other is more than just flowery, embellished stories at a playdate. It is more than a glass of wine when we can get away with our best friends. It is a universal support of moms, caregivers and more no matter where and no matter when!
Let’s stand together and support women when they are having a challenge raising kids! Whether we know them or not!
Have a story of motherhood that you want to share? Email me at lomargie@gmail.com with ideas and more!
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This is such a great post. Many parents forget that their kids have misbehaved in public in one way or another. I definitely struggle with keeping my three in line when I’m out in public on many occasions. However, for the most part they do rather well, but I do still get loads of nasty looks and comments from time to time.
One day Zeva was screaming her bloody head off when she was about 8months old in the grocery store, and I apologized to everyone around me. They all laughed and told me I didn’t have anything to apologize for. They jumped in and helped me get her calmed down. Those ladies were a God send to me that day because I was one tired cranky wore out Momma with a very full cart of food, and two boys eager to get shopping done too.
I love your story!!! Thank you for sharing it! Kids are kids and it bugs me that moms are not more supportive! Thank you for sharing!
Too many parents judge other ones when really, it’s none of their business. Great post.
I like to give moms/granparents or caretakers in that situation a sympathetic smile and say “been there, it’s gets better.” They need support not scolding!
I think that no one has a right to judge anyone,If you do not know their situation just keep out of it and on your way simple.Good for you saying what you did for her probably helped her feel a little better.
Such a great reminder. Sometimes we are so quick to judge. I think it was wonderful for that grandma to do something nice for her daughter.
I hate when people are judgmental as it is, and it’s even worse when hey are judging parents or grandparents. Sometimes people just need to mind their own business!
I think I’ve probably felt supportive at certain times and judgy at other times. I can’t deny it; I’m not perfect. It probably depends on my mood whether I’m tolerant or not that day but ideally, we should definitely be supportive of each other. At the very least, keep your judging to yourself. ;)
When I hear a kid cry, I can’t help but smile. I know it’s hard for the parent AND the child. Total empathy from me.
Very good idea!! I think way too many people think their kids are perfect. We have ALL been there and done that..geez!!
Oh I just hate people who judge. So wrong and since when do we go to a store for some peace. lol
I have been in this situation (the one with the screaming child, and the one observing the screaming child.) I’ve definitely told the other moms that I’ve been there. It happens and honestly, a screaming child isn’t going to prevent me from having an awful shopping experience…unless it’s my child throwing the tantrum!
I know before I had my daughter, I definitely looked at screaming children differently in the grocery store. But you can’t judge others, even though that’s out first instinct!
No story of motherhood (yet), but I’m loving reading yours and everyone else’s stories.
Some women – like the one being a witch in the store – are just low class brats. (I’m keeping this rated G). We have all been there and we will all be there again at some point. I bet her own kids are little monsters 24/7 and she left them at home and that’s why she was shopping in peace!
I wish moms would support each other more. I have seen really spoiled bratty kids too on the flip side of that, but I never judge
I really like your attitude! We have all had children act like this in stores, on the street and at home. We all need to just shut up and let people handle it as if it is a normal part of life, because it is!
Sometimes I just give other moms the “I have been there” look. I try to keep our public scolding to a minimum.
I can’t stand the judgement. Everyone has been on both sides – witnessing a tantrum in a public place and being the parent who everyone stares at while their child screams or cries. It’s ridiculous and uncalled for. If she didn’t like it… couldn’t she have just walked to the other side of the store for a bit, out of ear shot and returned when the “peace” was restored. Ugh.
This is a great attitude. It would be a much easier place if more moms supported each other.
I have been that Mom with the child throwing a tantrum in the middle of the store or crying on the plane. I just can’t understand people who judge and have no compassion.
Such a great post…I really feel sorry for the lady that was so judgmental…I am a Nana – been a parent for almost 40 years….she will find a day when she too is in need of understanding and support. It was very nice and supporting of you to tell the grandmother great job…we all need to hear that more often. Being a mom is a hard job but the most rewarding job in the world.
I’m pretty good about not judging moms in the store. I have four kids, so at some point or time, I’ve probably been there/done that. :)
I am kind of a little self conscious when I take my toddler out. I’m always afraid we are one meltdown away from public embarrassment.
I’ll admit, listening to a kid screaming in a store does grate my nerves, even though mine have done it also. I would NEVER say anything out loud to the parent. I just grab what I need and try to get away as fast as possible lol.
I used to be that judgmental before I had kids. NO more! I totally get it now and will even go out of my way to help
Thankful that I have not had any meltdowns yet. But I would never make anyone feel bad. They could happen at any moment and any time. We shouldn’t judge!!
Kiddo is 9 and she has had very few meltdowns and never that were an all out temper tantrum. She has known since a very young age that she is not allowed to ask for things she wants because she is a special child with 8 grandparents and 4 parents. That means, shes gets a lot of special ‘just because’ gifts through the year and a ton of Christmas and birthday presents. As she got older we taught her how to appreciate what she has because so many did not have anything. We donate and volunteer. She now donates her toys without us requesting. If she wants something she feels no one will buy for her, she saves her earned money for it. I do take her to the $1 Store and let her pick out a thing once in a while. For her, its not the price, but that she’s just picking out something. I know she looks forward to those days. In that rare occasion she does ask for something, we address the situation and move on. I am pretty blessed that she is such a great and understanding kid and that we all communicate for her well being.
My kids are mostly past public meltdowns now. That woman needs to learn a little motherly solidarity
People are so quick to judge these days. I would be so embarrassed if my son went all-out meltdown in public that I wouldn’t want another mom to just make it worse.
I see moms judging way too much and I really hate it. Why can’t moms just be supportive of each other?
Amen! We all do things differently but in the end we are all moms. With the same goal of raising awesome adults.
I am lucky that my kids did not throw very many tantrums when they were young. I never judge other parents as it is not my place to do that.
I can’t believe how rude and supportive some people (both men and women) can be. I try to be encouraging as well. You did a great job uplifting another mama girls! Way to go!
What a great grandmother. My heart went out to heard reading this. Shame on that woman. It’s so sad that us mommies do this.
Never judge another mother because we NEVER know what is going on in her life. Plus we never really know how our kids will react in certain situations