As a mother one of the toughest things you will ever do is challenge your daughter. Mothers and daughters are often at odds as they grow up and it is most often because the mother is trying to save them some type of pain. Any loving mother wants their kids to have it easier than they did. It is natural and logical in every way to a mother. The problem is, the daughter is not seeing it through a mother’s eyes. The daughter is seeing it through the child’s eyes.
Getting those visions in sync is the biggest key to solving mother daughter relationship problems I am finding. Making that happen is a tricky thing indeed. Here are some tips I have come up with that can help you along the way:
Pay attention to your own words before you say them.
It is rather easy to blurt out things on the spur of the moment and they make perfect sense to you. The truth is, the majority of what we say could be said better. We have to take the time and consider what our child is likely to hear. We have to ask ourselves what message we are sending with the words we are delivering. Sounds like a ton of work, right?
Not at all. A few extra moments of time to smooth out our delivery can be the difference between an hour of discussion and a quick and easy request.
Listen carefully to what they are saying and then hear them as a child
This is something that I am still working on but I am getting better. Our voice as kids is still inside us and we can still tap into it when we try. The key is to take a few moments to soak up what our daughter is saying to us and hear it through that voice. Chances are they are trying to tell us something or deliver a message that is garbled by our own experiences. We are filtering everything through a grown up existence full of experience and correction. They are often speaking from a very different place.
Learn the art of compromise
We as parents can compromise and not lose our authority in the least. Many parents think that compromise is a sign of weakness when it is actually a strength that our world needs more of. The key is to know when to use it. With mother daughter relationship problems, you are often looking at a number of issues. Concede some issues that are harmless and that you know you need to work on. Give in on some things to show that you are fully aware of your own shortcomings and they will be far more likely to listen to the things you won’t concede or compromise.
Taking the time to invest in your daughter’s concerns is key to working through these problems. If you can do this, you will be building a future of communication that will benefit you both.
What ideas do you all have to solve mother daughter relationship problems?