I give up. Literally, I lay down, hands out in front of me, nose to the ground. I can’t win. I concede to the masses. Accept my fate. Wave the flag.
After the year I had last year, I am opening up more and putting myself out there more in life, online and in my ‘real life’. I am trying new things, taking more chances and trying to make this year the best it can be. I am exploring being a better mother, woman and blogger with an open mind. The groundwork is there. I have amazing children, great friends and people that respect me. Both online and in person.
What I have discovered, however, is that the more I put myself out there, the more I open myself up for judgement and to be accused of being judgmental. I suppose that is to be expected but I am surprised by the instant negative reactions to things. In reality, I am expressing a concern but if it is not agreed with, I am suddenly ‘judgmental’ and ‘mean spirited’ instead of just concerned or curious. When did this happen? That an expression or opinion of a different viewpoint suddenly became a serious fault on the one expressing it?
For those who know me, you know that judgement is the last thing I administer. Lord knows I have made enough mistakes in my life that any judgement I pass would simply be laughable. Throwing stones in glass houses just does not appeal to me. I don’t look down on anyone, don’t think I ‘deserve’ anything I have in life and hit my knees with gratefulness many times a day at my blessed life.
Sure, I have personal, human responses to things. I tend to pop off at the mouth and then think about it later. I apologize A LOT for one little person – sometimes warranted, sometimes not – and I genuinely feel terrible if I inadvertently hurt anyone’s feelings. It bothers me for weeks, even if the misunderstanding has been cleared up.
Seriously people, there are responses on Facebook posts that were made years ago and I STILL well up in tears sometimes when I think of them.
For those who don’t know me, you might understand why I am overly conscious of other people because of the unorthodox life I led as a kid. A child of severe abuse, I was adopted at the age of 8 and still am baffled as to why I was chosen to be – literally – saved. I KNOW what it is to be desperate and scared and lonely. Loss is a central theme in my entire life and I fear it every day.
But I am constantly amazed that I can say something, post something or comment on something and it can be taken so far out of context that I am suddenly lacking social tact. Last time I checked, it was OK to express a concern about something and it be a genuine concern, not a slight to the person or situation mentioned.
Is this the way we are now? Quick to judge and call others judgmental? Quick to make an issue out of something that was a statement or genuine concern? Is it a lack of character to see things differently than others?
I have a pretty thick skin for the most part. I try, before anything else, to see someone else’s point of view on things. And even if I don’t agree with them, I still walk away agreeing respectfully to agree to disagree. The purpose of opinions and viewpoints is to expand the conversation, not the attack on another for not agreeing.
Maybe social media is somehow leaking into real life. That ‘I can hide behind my words on a computer screen’ mentality is lifting the veil of social interaction and awareness. Or maybe I just feel like I am being attacked unfairly. Either way it is, it is how I am seeing things.
So please don’t judge me.
I was there, I saw it and I think you said nothing wrong. Some people are sensitive because of their own situation or issue and that is not your fault. It’s easy for them to criticize you from the safety of their homes and project their crap on to you. But seriously, as a blogger myself, you just have to laugh at people who have the luxury of this kind of time and energy. I’ve been told that I didn’t love my daughter because I choose a c-section and that she would grow to be a psychopath because i only nursed for 3 weeks.
Omg! You have not!! Wow! All 3 of my daughters were c sections. They seem fine. Aside from the Facebook thing today, in person, I am getting the same type of reactions. I just wonder how people are supposed to express something of they have to be ready immediately to defend it.
Maybe because you’ve gone for so long holding this kind of thing in it’s suddenly shocking to those who know you. That just means keep at it, growing your authenticity, and everyone will learn to get used to it. I’m been an (overly) outspoken person my entire life. Nobody is surprised anymore. You are allowed to grow and change, especially after a divorce, don’t let a few ruffled pearl clutchers stop you from finding your “you”. It may take time and in the end you will, more than likely ,look around and see difference faces surrounding you than when you started…but that’s ok. In fact, that’s great and as it should be.
You’re awesome and I appreciate it so much!! I am a little less ‘accomidating’ after the divorce, I will admit. Maybe that is coming through :)
I read the post, and even though I have issues with wearing anything with sleeves unless it’s seriously freezing, and know many who do, I didn’t find the post judgmental at all. I’ve read a lot of what you post on Facebook, and I’ve never seen anything to be offended by. I think that people are being silly and judgmental themselves.
Thank you Melanie! I admit, we here in Texas are not used to 20 degree temps so I automatically think everyone should have the ability to be covered. So I just wished he had a coat. But, a lot of readers were right. He could just not like them. It was certainly NO reflection on the parents at all!
I read that post too, and I felt as you did. My first thought would’ve been for the child too. Is that really so bad, to be concerned for a child? That’s better than not giving a darn about kids. That being said, I actually had a blogger who I USED to follow make some extremely judgmental remarks about my religion, and on Christmas Eve morning, no less! I asked them, “Where’s the peace on earth, good will toward men?” That one hurt badly. Something that I hold so dear, so sacred, was trampled on carelessly by people. They were probably within their rights to state their opinions, but oh my. Some of the commenters resorted to needless taunting. I tried to make a comment about how, as a blogger running a business with sponsors and advertisers, that you’d think that she’d be concerned about offending a chunk of her readers. She gave me the whole “it’s my blog so I say what I want and my readership is fine because look at the traffic numbers I get.” Totally smug. Little to no apologies.
Okay, so anyway, I think that it was kind enough of you to just say to your readers, “Hey, you have a point. I never considered it that way!” I don’t know why everyone had to go on and on about it. It was the proverbial beating a dead horse. So good for you for admitting that there might be other viewpoints, and extra brownie points for being polite the whole time! We readers really appreciate that!
WOW Karen!! I am stunned that a blogger would say that to you. No blogger I know would ever be so disrespectful. I, for one, am grateful for every reader and every comment, even if I don’t agree with it. I am so sorry you had that experience. I so appreciate your taking the time to comment and be a reader! I am glad you can see what i was doing :) Thank you!
You’re very welcome!
It is sad to think about how people can be so judgemental. It is even more sad to read the intensity you place with the rants of strangers. All I can really offer you is my thought on receiving comments from people. I place major consideration with the intent of another’s “concern” or “comment” regarding my life. If they personally know you, it may be more likely that they are coming from a place of concern,. If they do not personally know you, it is much easier to be judgemental. It took an auto accident in which I broke my back and neck, among other injuries. I should not have lived through the various injuries nor ever have walked again. At the time of my accident, I was 28 yrs old. I had recently come to terms with the realization that I was gay. For my entire life I was raised to believe that homosexuality was a sin and that it was a choice and that “those people” would go to Hell. I had yet to come out to anyone but a couple of friends. I feared losing friends and family bc I knew that they held strong beliefs against homosexuality. During my recovery I reaized that if I was worthy of receiving the miracles placed upon me, then I was worthy of being true to myself. Life is truly a gift and “living truly” is a responsibility. It took the next year to recover and after recovery, I came out to my family. This was harder than the recovery in some sense bc so much pain for others was being caused by my truth. It was truly a test of love, compassion and courage, I still battle with the judgement vs. Concern issue. It is trying at times and I often wonder why He would create me in such a way. I have no answer. What I have learned though, is that we are given ONE time around in this physical realm. We can alter our actions to suit others or we can be true to ourselves and make the most of our lives. At the end, while looking back on our journey, the heaviest of burdens will be that of regret. Wiould you regret most disappointing others or disappointing yourself?
What I tell my girls all the time… “Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.” ~Dr. Seuss
A very good sentiment exactly! Thank you
Yes
Big No Non-cents Nanna hugs to you.
There are self centered jerks everywhere who try to make their things look bigger than they realyl are by pointing at other people for admitting to being human. I gets to all of us on days when we are vulnerable as humans. wink! Oh the things my imagination can do those ___! All of the crap they dish out can be found at the end of the day on a search engine- they will get theri just rewards. There are no -do overs ’cause the inter-net aint forgiving!
I agree and thank you! In the thick of it, it can be hard. But later on, it really is all on them!
“In the thick of it” you can’t see the forest for all the trees sometimes.I will chose to be human any day even if it means it cry over comments.
Yep, I agree :)