I only met her once, in passing, and I am sure she had no idea who I was.

I did talk to her online, a few times, in my early blog days, regarding writing on Scary Mommy and for my own blog where she freely gave me good advice.

But despite my lack of knowledge of her personally, she impacted my life, my career, and my outlook in so many ways.

Jill Smokler was one of the original mom bloggers. Bold, honest, sincere…her real life, no apologies to anyone. And with that she captivated so many. She was a safe landing place for moms who were in the depth of it all, a confidant in the late night when breastfeeding kept you up past your body’s limits. A stranger who felt like a friend in the throes of three babies having tantrums at the same time on a day when the patience level was beyond passed.

I remember reading her blog, pregnant with my third child, nursing my second and attempting to teach my oldest that nap time was a luxury. She could relate. I was not alone.

As I started my own blog, I followed her even more closely. I wanted to see how she spoke on social media, how she handled both kind and unkind comments, how she collaborated and how she kept it fresh.

I wanted to know her for some reason. There was just a quality about her that made you want to read and know everything she did. That is what made her successful. Her brazenness was honestly wrapped in a warm package of humanity.

When Jill opened up about her marriage, and shocked the world with her admission that her husband was gay, and she knew for years before she announced the divorce, she presented it in a compassionate and accepting way that helped the hearts of all of us women who have been through divorce. Especially those of us who had hard divorces that turned us into single mothers. Her raw emotional nature let all of us in to find a familiar

When she stepped away from Scary Mommy, it also brought an end to an era of sorts, at least for me. I had already put A Day in Motherhood on the back burner to grow ADIM Media, my marketing company, but felt like her stepping away was an indication that I may never come back.

But then, I remember a social post from her talking about feeling lost and a little confused on what to do next. She was painting a wall in her home that she had purchased, and shared her honest thoughts on who she was. She talked about not understanding the next steps after being a founder for so long, and a wife for so long. I read that post and immediately internalized it as if she had written it just to me. As if she were in my mind, feeling the loss and confusion I had as I embarked on new steps, walked away from old ones, and found myself drowning in doubt and uncertainty.

If a woman I viewed as so intelligent and so successful could also feel that way, maybe I was not as lost as I thought. Maybe I was normal and just transitioning and trying to figure it all out.

These are the people we need. These are the people we can relate to. The honest, brazen, unashamed women who shaped us through their words for more than a decade. The women who inspired even when they did not know they did.

Jill was diagnosed with brain cancer a few years back. I read her announcement and my heart hurt. I did tear up thinking of not only the battle she had ahead, but of how it is unfair that someone who didn’t even know how monumental they were in my life, would have such a steep uphill battle to climb.

Who will I trust to turn to now as my children head off to college. She has 2 in college, as I will next year, and I would be looking for her raw honesty as I deal with letting mine grow as well.

Who will I turn to now that I am dating again? I know she spoke frankly about her dating life after divorce and I looked forward to the days that I would relate. I can now so who do I turn to.

Clearly, this woman who had no personal connection to me whatsoever, impacted me in a great way. Many great ways. Through every stage of my life, every complex and confusing emotion, every joy and highlight, every challenge and depth of despair… she was there. Jill Smokler was someone to look up to, someone to be inspired by, someone to relate to and someone to pray for. She was a force far beyond what she may have known.

At the age of 48, this wonderfully admired woman, passed away. It was announced this morning.

As I shed tears and prayed for her children, I felt her impact once again. As I sat to write this post in the midst of a very busy day being a founder myself, to show my gratitude and admiration once more time. It is my first post in almost 6 years.

Thank you, Jill. I think I can speak for all of the OG bloggers, YOU made a lasting impact! Rest in Peace. You did well.