It is getting old.  The hatred, disregard for human life and the march towards complete civil upheaval that seems to decorate our news screen every single minute of every day.

I was blissfully unaware of terror attacks and the inner working of the people that give their lives to protect us from terror cells and the true evil in the world until 9/11.  And it took YEARS for me to be able to look up in the sky, see a plane, and not expect it to blow up right overhead.

But in the wake of so, so many school shootings – Sandy Hook being the most recent mass massacre – and now the explosions at the Boston Marathon, I am now spinning out of control again in my expectations that bad things will happen right in front of me.

And it pisses me off.

To be truly blunt.

I am trying to raise three happy, healthy, optimistic, hopeful kids here and current events are making it harder and harder.  Yes, I have my faith in God and the believe that all things are as they should be, but I can’t be alone in my thoughts that their innocence is  lost a little more every time there is a tragedy in this country.

And I am not just talking about major ones that loop the news channels for days on end.  Kidnappings, murders, rapes, beatings, and on and on and on.  It seems our society is inundated with nothing but complete hatred and disregard for humanity as a whole.

Granted, I realize that a lot of events are showcased on the evening news right along with the latest Hollywood break-up as a form of entertainment.  And I know that they are most likely discussed because the event or crime was so heinous that it had to be shared.

But what about the ones that are never reported?  The little kids that go missing that no one ever knows about?  The elderly that are neglected and taken advantage of.  The murders that happen on city streets that are so commonplace that no one sees the ‘necessity’ in sharing the details on national television?

As my rant continues and my anger over what we are doing to one another grows, I am fully prepared to admit that I have totally lost that safe feeling that ‘It can’t happen here.’

It CAN happen here and it does.  Just the other day a man stabbed 14 people at a college down the road.  My elderly neighbor was robbed last month and in the neighborhood next to us last year, a rapist of children was loose.

How can I tell my kids that I will protect them and make sure nothing bad happens to them when I clearly can not watch them 24 hours a day?  Sure, I can home school   And I am sure people will tell me that that will guarantee my children’s safety.  But the 8 year old killed yesterday was not at school.  And I refuse to lock my children in my house and never let them out.

Besides, have you watched the news?  Home invasions are on the rise as well.

So, the question is… am I simply suffering – once again – from the belief that I can not do anything to stop someone who wants to harm me, my children, my friends, or perfect strangers standing in the street?  Am I causing my own grief by seeing headlines and Google pop ups while I work?  And how do I avoid the texts and emails from people who want to make sure I have heard about events like this?

On the flip side, shouldn’t I be informed so that I know what to do in an emergency situation?  Shouldn’t I know what is happening in the world?  I will have to explain it one day to my kids, won’t I?

I suppose I am just overwhelmed, irritated, frustrated and at a loss for clear words, once again, to explain to myself why things like this happen.  And until we know why, I probably will always wonder how someone could be so vain and so selfish that they would take the lives of others just to satisfy their own insanity.

Until then, I will lean more heavily on my God and my Faith and I will draw strength from the innocence of my children’s eyes.  I’ll use their happiness and hope to fuel my own.  And I, like every other American, will go about my business as if nothing has changed.

Except for all of us… something has.

Because no matter what comes in the future, part of my psyche will always be waiting for the next attack and praying that it does not happen to anyone I know.

Maybe I am the selfish one.

Find more Motherhood Posts at My Recent Writings