I would say that my life has gone from crazy to insane in the last 5 months. The blog is growing, kindergarten started, and pre-school, and for the last four weeks or so, I have been plagued with extreme exhaustion and illness. Turns out my Thyroid is all out of whack again and it is taking a little while to fix.
But, despite it all, I have managed to make all of my kids school events. And extra curricular activities.
Last week, however, I had a conflict. I had an event for my blog that I was very excited about. I’ll be posting about that later. And then I got a note in Katie’s folder saying that her ‘birthday’ would be celebrated at her school the exact same day.
The school has a great thing called “Books for Birthday’s”. Basically, you pay a fee and once a month they have all of the kids in the library for a movie and ‘celebrate’ the kids birthdays for that month. And the parents are invited. It is a great fundraiser for the school (you give the book back after 2 weeks with a Happy Birthday note from your child inside). Since Katie is a summer birthday, they did hers in September.
Well, of course, the date of the school event landed right smack in the middle of my blog event. So I had a choice to make.
And it was a hard one. On one hand, I am doing something good for myself and blog by going to the event and making contacts. On the other hand, this is Katie’s kindergarten year and I am the homeroom mom and on the PTO. I really should not miss it.
After a lot of thought, I decided that I could not cancel the blog event since I had replied yes way before the school event. Canceling would have sent them trying to find another blogger last minute. Plus my husband was already taking the day off to handle carpooling and Megan while I went to the event. So, couldn’t HE just go to the birthday event?
He was thrilled at the chance to go so the issue was settled. And though I had intense guilt leading up to that day, and almost shed tears when my husband pulled out of the driveway to take them to school, thus leaving me to head to my event, I told myself that she would love her Daddy being there so much, she would not care that I was not.
I had a blast at my event and I relaxed about the school party because I knew my husband had it taken care of. So when I arrived at the school to pick Katie up I expected excited conversation about her day.
And that is NOT what I got.
Her first question to me? “Mommy, how come you did not come to my birthday at school?”
Ouch…
I tried to explain that I had a meeting but stumbled on my words. It seemed so… false all of a sudden.
“Mommy, you missed it and that made me sad.”
Ouch squared…
So, clearly she has gotten to a point where she expects me to be at things and if I am not, it obviously upsets her. Even if I send a great substitute. And rationalizing that if I worked outside of the home, I would miss a lot of things, does not make me – or her – feel any better.
So, what would you have done? Blog – ie: my work – event or school event? Did I make the right decision? And if so, then why do I feel so incredibly awful because I missed a school event for my child?
Tough one. I can see how this must be upsetting you. As the mom to a freshman in high school, I promise you that there will be many more events that you will miss – due to illness, work, or just conflicts. Especially when both kids are in elementary. (I think they secretly schedule parental invites to clash with each other!) It’s good for her to know that Daddy can be there, too. I highly suggest that you and your husband take turns going to these things so that she gets used to it. She may not know who is going to show up, but she’sll know that someone will be there!
I think you made the right decision and shouldn’t feel guilty at all. Yes, it’s a toughy and you’re going to want to be there for everything, but as she gets older and more things happen– it’s just impossible to be there for ALL important events. Dad is a perfectly great substitute and eventually your little girl will learn that. I aggree with ALicia that alternating with dad will make this kind of thing easier for the kids in the future.
But also take it as a teachable moment. Sometimes things don’t go as planned or aren’t as we hoped they’d be, but that doesn’t mean that it is now “bad.” It’s just “different.” And with the right attitude, different can be good. :-) The earlier that’s learned, the better off the child is.