It can be tough being a mom. I am talking beyond sleep deprivation, messes that never end and children who never.sleep! Guessing what to do sometimes in situations can be just as hard.. and much more embarrassing!
We got an invitation to a tea party birthday party a few weeks ago for one of Katie’s ‘BFF’s’. We could not have been more excited. Katie talked about it almost daily and when she got Strep Throat, was worried she’d miss it.
The day came and, as usual, we had 75,000 other things going on. I had been up the night before until 3am folding laundry and getting ready for our new housekeepers to start, my husband was trying to install a doggie door and we had no gift. So I took a lightening shower, threw three daughters in the car – promising to change them into proper tea party attire later – and headed to the store for a present.
Now, the party was actually for twins. But only one of the twins was in Katie’s class. So, on the invitation the mother had written that no gifts were necessary but if we got one to just get for the one child in Katie’s class. I went back and forth on whether I should get two gifts since they do see the two together at neighborhood functions and such. I decided in the end to honor the mom’s wishes. Deciding that mom knew best -and was probably trying to eliminate present overload – we got one gift. One card. And put one name on it.
By the time I got my three girls home, put the gift together, gave them all time to write their names – could you Puleze hurry! – on the card and double checked the address, it was time to leave for the party. Messy hair and unmatched outfits and all… and the kids did not look any better either.
I get to the party with all three girls and immediately realize that I should have only brought one. There simply was not space at the table for my two tag-a-longs. So I called my husband and had him come get my littlest one. Privately scolding myself for not knowing that Katie is now at that age that when her name is on the invitation, it is meant just for her, I went about chatting up other moms and pretending like I had a clue and praying one little girl would not show up so Sarah would have a seat.
And trying to divert attention away from the fact that my girls were the only two not in tea party dresses and not wearing pretty bows in their unkept hair… that was hanging in their eyes. The party went on, I met some really fantastic moms, chatted up the host and ignored the fact that I felt like I should have prepared for this better.
And then it was present time. And on the gift table sat pair after pair of matching bags and presents.
And my one bag.
I racked my brain trying to think if I had made the ‘one present’ thing up in my head. I was sure I’d seen it. I remembered making a mental note. I swear I was right. But no one else seemed to get the note. Or maybe I was missing the mommy alert telling me that that was just ‘talk’?
The girls opened set after set of presents, growing ever closer to mine. With every one I felt more and more uncomfortable. Thinking hard about the things I had at the house, I wondered if I should jump the fence, run home, find a toy still in tact, throw it in a bag and return to the party, second gift in hard, and pretend like it was there all the time. But I had forgotten my Superwoman cape at the dry cleaners and was sure that I would not be able to pull off such a feat without it.
I nervously talked to a mom next to me, dropping the hint that I was told one present. She noted that most of the guests were family and that – yes – the request was probably made… and ignored.
They got to my one present with the one name on it and there was a moment where the second present was searched for. I.was.mortified. And then the mom said it was one to share and they moved on.
My face red, I banished myself to ‘Birthday Party Foul’ school and racked my brain for the reason I could not have figured out that the party was for 2 so we needed two presents. I mean, I could have Googled the etiquette at least. I beat myself up almost to tears. I was so embarrassed.
I should have know.
This was the ultimate mom embarrassment. The point where I contemplated handing my uterus to my husband.
Clearly I should have known. And even after I asked the mom if I had read the card wrong and she assured me I had not, I still gathered my kids and headed home in complete shame.
Next time, 10 kids – 10 gifts. I don’t care what the card says. I committed a mom party foul. And I am still embarrassed about it tonight.
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Don’t feel bad, I do joint parties for my kids all the time because their birthdays are 10 days apart and I request that the parents only bring one gift for the child whos name is on the invitation. I dont think its right for me to ask my daughters friends to bring gifts for my son and my sons friends to bring gifts for my daughter. they do not have the same friends so i dont expect parents to bring something for each kid
I don’t think you committed a Mommy Foul on this one. You actually did what was requested by the host! Don’t be so hard on yourself.
I don’t think you committed a foul. I would have went with one gift too because that is what they requested in the card! I can understand family giving 2 gifts… you were fine!
Honestly if the card says 1 gift bring 1 gift. My family don’t listen either, and I would’ve had 2 seperate tables for the 2 seperate kids, so as to not draw attention to the people who listen and those who don’t. I think the other people fouled up not you!
Not bringing a gift for each child was a foolish request on the part of the mother – and playing games such as expecting people to ignore her directions is immature. But for the party-going mom to bring only one gift when she brought three children is questionable. I have twin six year olds and when they are invited to a party for a singleton, they each bring a gift. If one is invited to a party and the other not (as they are in separate classes at school) I ask the mom if the other may come along also, and again, they bring separate gifts. Never does one show up without prior approval, and never would one show up empty-handed. That is bad manners no matter what the invitation states.
I respect that and agree that I should have known better. I am new at this and learning every day! I have since talked to the mom – we are good friends – and it is all awash. Bad manner sometimes happen to people with no intention of having them! I pocket this experience and , rest assured, it will not be happening on my watch again ;)
Maybe we are a little more laid back in my little home town, but any parties my kids have ever had of their own or been to for friends siblings were included in party festivities. All mom’s don’t have some one to watch one kid while they take another one to a party and in my opinion shouldn’t be expected to find a sitter for brother or sister while mom takes one to a party. Every party of ours we automatically get extra treat bags just in case any extras show up. The more the merrier! As far as the gift, you did as the Mom requested so you truly shouldn’t feel bad…but I do understand :) My husband tells me all the time I feel guilty over way too many things!