I am an old fashioned type Mom, I guess. My girls wear bloomers under their dresses, wear one pieces in the summer, don’t have pierced ears and I really want my girls to wait until 16 to date. I don’t care of other little girls do these things, in fact, I think there is nothing cuter than a little toddler belly sticking out of a two piece. I just am not comfortable with my girls doing it. Blame it on my prudish upbringing or the fact that I am way behind the times in parenting, it is just how I am.
I also rarely give my children medication. Even Tylenol. I don’t know why, I just have a phobia that my kid will be the one kid who has a negative reaction to something that seems harmless and we’ll end up in the ER, being questioned by CPS, scared out of our underwear.
So when a friend suggested that I give my 3 year old, who is having major issues going to sleep and staying asleep, Melatonin, a supposedly nutritional enhancement to sleep, I bawked and arrogantly said I would never do it! Even though it triggered a conversation I’d had with her Doctor about the exact same thing last year, I told her never Ever….
Yea, we know how my never, evers go, don’t we?
After a full week or so of Katie being up past 11, not napping at all during the day and exhibiting behavioral issues due to insane exhaustion, I reluctantly picked up a small bottle of Melatonin at the store. I felt awful doing it. And on day 3 of passing it sitting on the counter without opening, I decided I just could not stomach it and made a note to trash it later.
Then today came. Even though, at 10 pm, she went to bed fairly easily last night, she was up 3 times overnight. Twice she had peed out of her Pull Up – yes, I know she is four and should be dry through the night… I’ll add it to my list – and the third time was a mild night terror. By mild, I mean 15 minutes of kicking, screaming and flailing about. I call it mild because they used to last almost an hour! Yes, yes – now you know why I have been exhausted for years and you can proceed with the “Oh my gosh! No wonder you are so absolutely nuts!” I’ll concur!
So today, as I am guiltily watching her push her little cart around the grocery store, head resting on the influenza infested handlebar, eyes red and droopy and dazing off into space, I tell myself that a good Mother would do anything to put the poor, tired, listless child out of her non – sleeping misery. I rationalize that the guilt of watching my poor baby fall deeper and deeper into a sleep disorder far outweighs giving her a supplement to help her sleep.
I fight myself the rest of the day, almost in tears with guilt for letting it even get this bad. If I had only instilled better sleep habits from birth, if I had never let her stay up late just because, if I didn’t let her watch TV past 5, she would not be in this predicament. I think I can try one more time to fight her down to bed. And then she walks up to her sister, pushes her to the ground and yells – sounding very much like me – “you don’t ever come take my stuff again” – EVER!
Thaaat’s it. When you start emulating me, you obviously need to get some sleep!
I crush up a third of a 1 milligram tablet, shaking like I am a criminal making a life altering decision, and throw the powder in her milk cup. As I hand he the cup, I hesitate. What is she is allergic to Melatonin? What if she has a reaction and we have to rush to the Emergency Room? What if I have just started a horrible cycle of having to have a supplement to sleep? Thus persisting a sleep disorder and ruining her chances to ever rest naturally again?
“Mommy, I want my milk and then we go play and watch a movie.”
Envisioning another 4 hour bedtime ritual, I hand her the cup. She downs it faster that I can down a six pack! Defiantly my child.
At first, I think the supplement, vitamin, drug – whatever – has the reverse affect on her. I once gave her a dose of Benedryl because she stepped in an ant pile and got a million bites. Everyone told me it would knock her out. That girl bounced off the walls like Tigger on Speed! I wondered if the same thing was happening here. She was jumping around, talking a mile a minute and did no seem to have any reaction to the pill.
I told her, about 15 minutes after I gave it to her, that it was time for bed. She started to protest but I told her that she just needed to give me time to get her sister’s to sleep and then I would come get her. She bought it and off we went. When we got to her room, she seemed almost delirious. Her eyes were half open but she still wanted to go go go. I laid her down, stroked her hair, wondering what I have done to my poor child, and watched her drift into a peaceful, shockingly fast sleep. It was only 8pm!
You would think that I would pop a bottle of my finest Bud Light in celebration but I am being eaten up by guilt. I called a friend who told me that everything was fine and that a lot of Mother’s she knew gave their kids Melatonin sometimes. “It is like Vitamin C, for goodness sakes!” Hmm – Vitamin C does not send me to Katie’s room every 5 minutes to make sure she is ok! Relax, she says. Take advantage of this and go to bed myself! Get caught up on your sleep so you can be a better Mom!
My ex-husband said the same thing. Except he did not want me to go to bed to sleep. Typical. I ignore him and call another friend.
She says I should not feel an ounce of guilt. It is not like I gave her a sleeping pill!
Didn’t I?
So here I sit, blogging at 12:15am, video monitor perched to the right of my computer screen, focused on my little girl sleeping like a baby, fighting with myself over whether or not I did the right thing. Thoughts that even posting this blog will draw negative comments and a visit from CPS cloud my mind and eat up my words. Intermittently checking the Internet to reread all of the commentary out there about how Melatonin can cause seizures, aid ADHD but is also recommended for sleep deprived children, as long as it is not more than .3 milligrams a day. I feel even more confused and guilty that I could not find a different solution.
As I turn around and see on my bookshelf and entire row on books about babies and toddlers, note the red flags that, most likely tag pages discussing sleep in children, I let a tear slide down my face. I tell myself I was wrong. This guilt I feel now is way worse than the guilt in watching her be tired.
Tomorrow I will try something else… something I can live with. Because I am having a hard enough time being a Mom. I don’t need this guilt following me around too.
**Originally Published 07/26/2010**
Lauren is 4 and she uses a pull-up at night still. I don't think it is expected that they master that yet. She was just under 3 when she was day-time trained. If that is one thing that consistently wakes her (and you) up at night, put a pull-up back on her. I don't know a thing about Melatonin. You may want revisit the conversation with your doctor and then make a decision if it does seem to help. What are you going to do when she starts going to school and can't focus or concentrate because she's too tired… i can't believe the girls are only a year away from kindergarten! Although, you may have it worked out on your own by then. Follow your "mother's intuition" on this one. You shouldn't let anyone talk you into doing anything that you aren't comfortable with.
The night time wetting is something you can't really train, that's more of just waiting for the brain to be ready to tell your body to get up. Sorry to disappoint you, but James is 8 and if we don't wake him to go (well, he doesn't really wake up) before 10:30 or so, I'm changing sheets and doing laundry. Ped said "normal" age to stay dry through the night is anywhere from 2-10! Jack (7) has been dry through the night since about 4-5. JS Joshua still isn't, and Cubby isn't either. No biggie, and nothing you can do about it! :)
On the melatonin–I take it myself every now and then, although I should every night. I agree with Kay that the sleep thing will be worse when she has to deal with school. But you should do what you're comfortable with. You're a stellar mom, you know, and you'll be able to tell what's right for your girlies! <3
Hi I am your newest follower from Mom Bloggers Club!
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I don't know what a twitter hop is???
I am going to your blog now!
Hi Lori,
I found you on Mom Bloggers Club and after reading your post, I felt as if your were my mirror image!! Hey, Cheers!! Join the group, you are not the only one! My family thinks I can be paranoid sometimes when it comes to parenting my four kids…But I believe in Mother's intuition!
Keep it up and stay strong!! Bless you and your family!
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Lori-
In taking my Anatomy and Physiology class I learned a LOT about the brain and how it works. With her being so sleep deprived, it is going to cause more harm in the long run if it continues to go on. Melatonin is something our brains are supposed to make, and not all of us produce it like we should at night for one reason or another. You're not being a bad mother for giving it to her. I PROMISE. In fact:
" Epidemiologic studies have begun to explore selected relationships between chronic partial sleep deprivation and sleep disruption related to primary sleep disorders, mood and performance deficits in children and adolescents, and academic failure. Studies of sleep in children with primary behavior and learning problems have further supported an association between sleep restriction and performance impairments. Evidence indicates that children experience significant daytime sleepiness as a result of disturbed or inadequate sleep, and most studies suggest a strong link between sleep disturbance and behavioral problems."
http://www.nhlbi.nih.gov/health/prof/sleep/res_plan/section2/section2a.html
I don't post this to make you feel bad about NOT giving her melatonin, but want to point out that there are consequences to getting too little sleep. Granted, more work needs to be done in pediatric cases, but she needs her sleep and so do YOU!
I would never have suggested something like that if I knew how much it would tear you up! I am so sorry! I totally agree with Kristey, as that was the same research and conclusion we came to. I hope you at least get sleep tonight.
Abbey
Seeeeeee. I told you that no one would be mean about it. Also I am kind of disappointed that I didn't get to kick anyone in the shins. Oh well, I guess that means I just need to go play some european football. :P
ABS!! I think it was a faboo suggestion and it DID work! I just think that I am way too chicken to try new things!!! YOU are awesome!! No worries ;)
Mel…. I have a few people in my life who need a good kick… I'll send their addresses!
Hey Babe…Glad to see Mel was right. Was doing a bit of reading on this myself the other day 'coincidentally' and I really wouldn't beat yourself up about using it. Sometimes when children go a long time in a non-sleeping pattern they need some sort of help to re-set them.
The hyped up but tired just sounds normal for an overtired child. Talk more with your dr about melatonin…since it seemed to work for her (the key is how she acted the following morning) And see what your Ped's take on it is.
If it's not for you then don't do it.
Glad to see all the hits you are getting. Kudos to you. I'm writing a bit more frequently but nothing like what you are turning out. Keep it up my dear.
Oh and Rowan wears pull-ups at night too…half the time they are dry and half not. I don't ever sweat night-training…that happens when it happens.
Hey “mom”, night terrors just don’t “happen”. Have you simply asked her is “she is afraid to go to sleep” for some reason ? Ask if she thinks “something bad will happen to her “. It can be a sign that someone has abused her in some way. It could be something she is eating or drinking…so maybe a close look at the diet ? Does she take meds ?
Melatonin is naturally produced by our brains, some of our brains just need a little help. Your daughter needs the sleep, as does mine, giving them melatonin is a GOOD thing. It’s not drugging them. Plus, you’re setting her up to relate bed with sleep and help kickstart her own body’s healthy melatonin production.
Hopefully you can conquer your fears and guilt and realize that you are doing a GREAT job. Parenthood is hard, be kind to yourself.
And ignore Sheila V – she obviously doesn’t understand the concept of supporting other parents, and has clearly never had a child with night terrors (they are not correlated to abuse).