I have heard it and said it. ‘Mother’s get no time to themselves.” and “A mother’s work is never done.” And yes, it is fact.
I, personally, feel like I am ‘On-Duty” from 6am most mornings to 12pm at night. And sometimes overnight as well. Now, my children are not up those long hours. They sleep until 7am and sometimes will actually be asleep by 9pm. But I am up. And I am not sitting on the couch watching the coolest show on TV.
I am folding laundry, picking up toys, paying bills, working and even laying out my children’s clothes for the next day and prepping their lunches.
So, though the children are not up and asking for something 15 times in a row, I am still mothering and not getting time for myself.
But despite the frustrated posts on Facebook, the funny jokes I come across and agree with – many having to do with the fact that none of us ever get to pee alone – there is freedom in motherhood. You just have to really pay attention to see it.
To me, anyway, freedom in motherhood comes from being able to help a child move from one stage of life to another.
I remember the infant days. And I loved them but often wonder if I could do them again. I remember having these sweet babies attached to me most of the day. Either nursing or snuggling or being carried here and everywhere. And though I LOVED it – oh how I loved it – I recall wishing they would walk faster so that I could just put them down.
The day that they could hold their heads up gave me the freedom to trust other people to hold them – you moms know what I mean on that one – and watching their little bodies roll over for the first time marked the freedom from helping them do just that. Sitting up was freedom from sitting on the floor holding them so they did not faceplant.
Crawling was freedom from carrying them all day and walking, well – at first walking is so not freedom – but, eventually, it was. And as sad as it was to see them growing up so fast, is was a mark of motherhood freedom to not have to hover over them. I could let them walk and play and explore and enjoy the phase of discovery.
As my children have grown, so have my freedoms. Now, don’t get me wrong, I still have them in my sites every moment that they are with me. And I am an attentive – most of the time – loving mom all day and all night with very little time to just sit. I even still have an issue taking a shower with them up lest something happens while I am belting out ‘Gangham Style’ in my perfect shower voice. But as they have learned to fend a little more for themselves, my freedom from the responsibilities of teaching them those skills has gone away too.
I shed tears when my last little one learned to walk and I cheered heartily when my middle daughter learned to swing on her own.
I cried when my oldest graduated from preschool and I rejoiced when she took the training wheels off of her bike.
I was also relieved when my middle daughter stopped twisting her hair into knots and when my oldest one stopped eating her toe nails. Those annoying phases and habits could not end fast enough!
Every step they make toward the dreaded day when they leave my home is a mix of sadness and regret that I did not savor it more and a beam of pride that I got them to that point. I can’t wait to see what they are like as teenagers and grown women but I also want to squish them back to the earlier days when playing with mommy was better than any friend they had.
One day, I will wake up and have real freedom. My house will be empty of all but precious memories. Photos of their childhood decorating every spare space on my walls, monogrammed baby blankets still hanging on the end of their beds, reminders of when they were small enough to fit in them.
My lone feet will replace the pitter patter engrained in my memory and I will wish daily for “Mommy” to be screamed at me 20 times in a row.
But until then, I will continue to be mom 24/7, happily complaining that everything I do in my life is for my children. Anxiously, I will watch for the next achievement, the next phase and the next sign of growth.
And I will drink it all in as if their accomplishments are mine. Freely loving that I have this time and that it is precious.
For me, at least, That is the only kind of freedom I need.
Find more Motherhood Posts at My Recent Writings
Moms are the first influencer and teacher. Not a better job in the world.
I do not complain that much about having so called freedom because when my kids are grown and have moved away well what will I do with myself lol,I do agree with you on this post.
AMEN! Absolutely – I couldn’t agree more. My “freedom” is in my parenting.
I am so off duty after Red falls asleep. I usually take a bath, tea, pjs, and do whatever I want to… mostly veg!
For me it is the rewards of watching my son interact successfully in the world. I take full credit for that as the primary care giver here (normally called mom!).
Mitch
I think I am in a unique situation because I am divorced from my kids dad & they spend a few nights there a week, so I do get actual freedom.
Amen! Although being a mom is exhausting and I wish I could get a break from time to time, being a mother is the best thing that ever happened to me. I know I will miss these crazy days all too soon.
I definitely have the freedom-less thoughts. I cherish the free time I do get here and there. And I definitely don’t take for granted that my son wants me ALL the time. :)
I have moments of alone time.. but never freedom.. there is always someone needing a drink or sandwich and they are still too short to get it. themselves…
Hear! Hear! Such a great post! Time with children is cherished time, and as the mama of two grown kids, and one well on her way, I know how fast that time goes.
I felt like I was “on” all the time and then one day my babies were all grown up. I miss those “on” days…..
On the rare occasions that my children and quietly playing in their rooms I try and kick my feet up and close my eyes, if only for a minute or two. It’s rare, but does happy.
I try to savor each day but it is hard sometimes. I really do need to slow down and pay attention to each thing that happens in our days.
I really liked this post! I am a SAHM- so I really get this! “There’ll be days like this my mama said!”
This is great. You have such a way of putting things into words.
This post is so good – the important things are free! Love from my family is what makes my world go around.
I’m an empty nester now. But I felt the same way you do!
You have captured what it means to be a mom. And I am right there with you. Went to bed at 12am last night and up at 5:30 with the family dog needing to go potty. I think tonight I am going to bed early though.
We were just talking to our 15 year old daughter about how she will be leaving soon, and it made me realize just how precious the small amount of time we do have with her is left. As much as I love me time, I like spending it with my kids more.
Motherhood is challenging, but one of the most awesome gifts from God. I would be nothing without my kiddos
Love your view on this. I am definitely happy we have a child. Though she is 13 and currently driving us crazy, we have experiences with her that my married but childless older sisters just don’t have. It shapes us and helps us be more appreciative, more loving, and more empathetic.
I love seeing how much my kids have grown. Now my sisters are having babies and I can help them with some of the same things I struggled with.
Motherhood is a wonderful gift, even though it is so challenging at times. We are never really “free” from it, but I know I wouldn’t have it any other way!
Motherhood is awesome! Even after a rough day, I still feel that way.
There’s nothing better than motherhood. My 3 older one’s are almost out of high school and I’ve cried along the way. My two little one’s still have me working ’round the clock and even though it’s exhausting, I love every minute of it.
Motherhood is definitely an experience. I wouldn’t trade it for the world :P
motherhood is a game of balance, sanity and decisions. I wouldn’t trade it for anything though
Those sound like great memories! I’m not a mother but I know when me and my siblings all moved out my mom would call and reminisce a lot about memories she had of us when we were little.
What a bittersweet post indeed! I feel your mommy pains at times, and know someday I will miss it all too!!
Very bittersweet! It is nice when they are old enough to start putting on clothes and not falling down stairs!
Amen to that! It’s so tough being a mom and knowing when to let go. Thanks for your honesty
Being a mom is one of the toughest jobs in the world. I am a single mom and some days I just want to scream and run away.
Although it is challenging, most wouldn’t trade motherhood for anything. Experiences the teenage years are great as well
They really do grow up fast. Sometimes I really miss the moments when my kids were young also.
I know exactly how you feel. I feel as if I’m never off duty too.
I wouldn’t trade motherhood for anything, but it is challenging. There are good days and bad, but in the end, I love it.
It’s true one day we will have all the time in the world just to wish we didn’t. They grow so fast. My oldest turned 9 this year. I can’t believe that she is growing so fast.
Nothing has been more fulfilling in my life than motherhood. I tell my kids all the time that I’d give anything to start all over and do it again with them just because I love it all so much.
I love nothing more than being a mommy! While there have been certain phases that aren’t my favorite or moments that I’m sure I’ve lost my mind, I LOVE everything mommyhood has given me.