**update** I am not a single mom but when I posted this, I was in the process of ending my marriage. My friend and I are closer than ever as two moms making our way on our own. However, we often still have questions and concerns as to whether we are doing a good enough job. So I thought I would repost this for anyone who might be on the path to single motherhood. My readers have some of the best advice around so, of course, I would turn to you!
I know a lot of people who are happily married. They are working together for the good of each other and their family. Unfortunately, though, it is a well known fact that a vast number of marriages end in divorce.
I have a friend who is recently separated. And though she has known it was going to happen for a while and she, personally, is at peace, she is still scared. She is not responsible for her kids, the house, the bills, and everything in between.
She called me asking for advice and other than – I love you and I am here when you want to vent – I really don’t have much for her. So, I told her I would post to you guys and see if you have any advice.
How do you do it? Can divorce be OK for kids? What do you do when you are totally overwhelmed? How do you handle children who are hurt?
Just leave a comment below. She is reading and listening to everything and just wants as smooth a transition as possible for her and her kids!
If you have advice as a long term single mom for those of us who have chosen to remain single, that would be awesome too! How do you deal with the stress, loneliness and the balancing of life and kids?
**originally published 6/2012**
First of all, I must say that offering to be there for her, is the best you can say. I know that’s all I wanted to hear, was for someone to be there for me.
I think divorce can be fine for kids, especially when the “married” home life was not so good. My ex husband was abusive, so I know it’s better now than it was. I’ve been single for two years.
Over the last two years I’ve learned so much about myself, and I know I can take care of myself and my child, and your friend will realize the same thing too.
I think the most important thing for kids to know is that you are there for them. They need to see you happy, so show them! Play with them, and act silly. When you feel overwhelmed, take a break. Have someone watch them for you, trust me, sometimes you and your kids just need a break. Even if it’s just for you to sit in the quiet of your home. And in due time, everything will fall into place and things go back to a new normal.
Being a single mother is not an easy job. I have been a single mother for the last 18 years – my children were 1, 3 & 5 when I got divorced. I had my moments of wondering “Can I really do this on my own?” The answer is YES! Just take things one day at a time, make sure you have some time to yourself when possible, always reassure the children it was not them and how much YOU love them. I have such an amazing relationship with my sons now because of this. Unfortunately their father was not in the picture all that much and I did the dating thing only to have those guys not only break my heart but my sons’ as well. Just be careful if you do go back into the dating scene and protect your children – In my eyes they come 1st before all others.
I am now a successful Operations Manager in a Fortune 500 company and do very well for myself – showing those other men that YES I can do this – Look at me now!!It is at times like these that make us stronger. Tell your friend I know she can do this, yes it will be tough.
I grew up in a divorced household and to tell the truth I think it was better for me. My parents never fought anymore (at least in frot of us kids), we still got together for holiday meals just like a regular family (neither of my parents remarried) and we had 2 Christmas mornings! LOL I never really saw any discord btwn my parents until I was a teenager and was the one causing it! ;-) I was a single mom to my son for years, married and divorced a man who I thought would be a wonderful father – turns out he was abusive. I let this man raise my son so be very careful who you choose and make sure you know him WELL! I had boyfriends come and go after him but never really let my son get attached or hang out with any of them except 1 who lived with us for around 3 yrs. Another mistake – he was worse than my son as far as maturity. I finally got tired of the fighting btwn them and ended it. I wasn’t raising TWO boys only my own! I am now happily married and have added a daughter to our family. My son is 19 now and out on his own.
Well a follow up to this I just found out that not only was there one guy she is seeing 2. I happened to stumble across emails and text confirming this. I am in complete shock of this to come from someone who is to be a loving wife and mother. I had issues that we could have worked out but she was set on not working this out now I know why
I am a complete broken father of 3 beautiful girl’s that I can not believe she did this and claim to be all these wonderful things.