You may have noticed that I have been off the radar for a few weeks. Or maybe not, in which case, I am hurt.
The truth is, I have been in hiding. Not from you. Not from my beautiful kids. Not from my extremely rewarding career as a blogger and social media manager. Not from my dogs.
But from the all encompassing walls that were closing in faster than I could buy time to hold them back.
I was completely overwhelmed with life.
My ability to deal with all of the facets at the same time and still come up smiling and happy and confident and assured were dwindled quickly and I just could not find the energy to keep up.
So I went into hiding. Doing the bare minimum to get by. Pouring myself into bed to fitfully sleep with that nagging voice that bothers me all night saying, ‘You didn’t do this. You didn’t do that. You are so. far. behind. on. every. little. thing. in. your. life!’
She is not a great sleep mate, as you can imagine, so I was tired, cranky and a basic jerk to be around.
So when my kids went to stay with their dad last week, I checked out. Completely. I hired a dog sitter, left a check for the housekeepers, and went into hiding at a friend’s house where the pressure was super low and I could sleep all day if I wanted.
Financially Intelligent? Not even a little bit.
I have been writing non stop on this blog for over three years. I absolutely love it. I love you. I love my clients. I love the products I bring you. I love everything about it.
But I grossly underestimated the amplification of my time’s demands after the separation and divorce and the amount of energy and exhaustion it would take to be a single mom. Seriously. Massively. Underestimated it completely.
I kept saying YES! Kept agreeing to crazy timelines. Kept typing despite the fact that I was sleeping three hours a night. It was as if I were replacing the time consuming misery of my marriage with unreachable time consuming expectations for my blog.
I told myself it was for you. So that I could offer you the best of the best. The most honest opinions. The most awesome information.
But I was doing it to hide from me.
I was a better mother. A better housekeeper. A better friend.
But a worse caretaker to myself.
So, despite the incredible demands I have on me and the time I needed to get caught up these last two weeks that my ex husband has my kids, I am in hiding. I’d like to avoid another unexpected week in the hospital, too.
And it is possibly the best decision I could have ever made.
I am back to sleeping 8 hours a night. I sometimes even take a nap! My passion for products, information, self care and my life are amping up with every passing day. My anxiety of “I have to do this NOW!” is subsiding and I am getting my calendar and my realistic schedule back on track.
It feels wonderful!
As I reawaken and gear up to face having my gorgeous girls back, gather my energy for Back to School and return to life as a blogger with a heart and desire to be the best I can, I know that I will face this again. Life’s burn out can happen fast.
Lucky for me, I now know that escaping can be helpful. Now I need to figure out how to do it more regularly, taking that time to care for me, so that it does not get out of hand again.
Any suggestions are welcome!
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