I have an ongoing, running dilemma in my house. Which child gets what she wants over the other two?
This situation causes fighting, whining, frustration, and drama every single day. I have no clue what to do about it.
During TV time, they each want to watch something different. Well, I am not a believer in having 75 televisions on at once, so I tell them that they have to work it out and come up with one together. They never seem to be able to do that, however, and the whining begins.
“I want Scooby -Dooooooo!”
“I want the Doodleboooops!”
WAH WAH WAH WAH WAH!
Until I am so tired of it, they get sent to their rooms, where the whining might be muffled, but the destroying of the rooms begins. And the coming out to beg again. And the tempers flare and then we are in disaster mode.
It is really quite ridiculous!
The same thing happens at meal time. Katie wants pancakes, Sarah wants mac and cheese, and Megan just wants to eat. I tell them that I am not a short order cook and they get what I make. But neither of them seems ok with brussel sprouts and liver for breakfast…. is that mean?
So they fight. And the scream. And they go to their rooms.
And the tempers flare. And it all falls apart.
I need help. I know I do. Like of SuperNanny proportions. But she is busy. Very busy.
So, I pray. I beg. I think – that one hurts. And I pray some more.
So far, no solutions have dawned on me for dealing with my demanding spawn. They spend a lot of time in their rooms, which has lost its effect as they have learned to love being in there, and they spend an exorbitant amount of time in time out. They have been stripped bare of “things” and have lost going places as a result of their inability to deal with not getting their ways.
It is old. Like my hair style. And wardrobe.
But I digress.
I guess, in the end, this is the crust of motherhood. The part we would like to cut off and discard with our maternity clothes. The fat we would like to skim off the top, knowing it is not healthy for us to have. The part that keeps us from breeding continuously.
But no one else is going to do it for me. So, I take a deep breath, say another prayer and dive back in.
And I still have no idea who gets to choose.
Have you tried a schedule? Either certain days they choose one or each chooses at different time slots for TV, have them help menu plan? I used to work in a group home and this was the only way we could accommodate all the different likes of 8 teen boys.
For those things that are less variable, such as the TV show choice, try a calendar. When all is calm, sit down with the girls and allow them to choose the day they want to watch "their" show. Divide up the entire week of TV time evenly and if there is any left-over, suggest that you choose that time slot.
This removes you and them from the decision at the time that you are selecting the show. The calendar becomes the "rule" and no person gets "blamed". You simply say, "our calendar says that we watch Scooby Doo today" and you should find that this is accepted much more willingly, especially since they helped create it. They will also know that everyone will have their day.
If a child doesn't like the show, despite their prior agreement that the calendar rules, they can opt to play in their room, but they are not allowed to spoil the TV time for the others.
Generally speaking, blaming "the rules" is successful in many areas of discipline. Younger children don't tend to go that one step further and say, "but YOU made the rules, so you are still the bad guy". They just know that rules are to be followed and when they are reminded that something is the rule, they are much more likely to comply in comparison to what we get when we say, "because I said so!".
Just something we have been successful with. Maybe it will help you?
I have read numerous books on raising kids. I highly recommend books by Dr. Kevin Leman. He is very funny but his ideas DO work!
To sum most of them up he says: Pull the rug out from the little buggers!
Basically, shock em! Don't let them shock you and get you all riled up. That's their goal!
This is what I would do (or DO do!)
For a while, NO choices. That's right. I'd put some show on the TV and say, that is what you will watch if you choose to watch.
This is what we are having for dinner and you can eat it or be hungry.
When there is a squabble and they each want to do something different, take their choices away. You choose for a while until they learn how to figure it out before mom chooses. BUT, in order for that to work, mom has to choose for a while to establish a pattern.
I'll give you an example from our family. I watched Dr. Kevin Leman's "Making Children Mind Without Losing Yours" and he said this. When your child is leaning back in his chair at dinner and has been repeatedly warned in the past not to do that, pull the rug out! Take the chair away. He doesn't need a chair to eat.
Sure enough, one day that is what happened. Son #1 was warned and still leaned. We took the chair away for ONE meal and he never leaned back again.
We weren't mean about it. We didn't yell at him. We just matter of factly said that he could stand for dinner.
I hope this helps! Here is the link to his site: http://www.drleman.com/store/
Love,
Janet
http://www.homeward4.blogspot.com
Ohh.. I really like Rosey Bear Boutique's idea.. Blame the rules. I'm going to use that just as soon as my Lil Diva learns to talk and actually say what she wants, instead of random screeching.
Meanwhile, many hugs to you. I have so been there in frustration. I think most moms have.
It IS a tough one – we deal with it every day, too. One wants to play princesses, one wants me to read him a book…
You are right about not wanting to be a short order cook – I make one thing, and they have a choice to eat it or not…And no one has died of starvation yet! lol.
the schedule thing is ahrd. for me it was.. "what if we are gone all day on G's day, then he gets C's days to make up and C gets made- and trickles to K's day…
or we just skip to C's day and G gets upset…..
I go with "rolling dice. 1/2- G goes…3/4-C goes….5/6- it's Ks"
because my boys have always liked dice and dice games- this usually works. and it's not "ME" saying whose turn it is.