I think we have all had those days. When the kids wear us out, the husband makes us want to kick him out, and the stress of all we have to do leaves us praying for a sister wife.
One without a uterus.
And most of us can recover. Look at the new day as a new start, decide that creativity would flow freely if we would let it, and restores our faith in our abilities to get it done.
But what happens when those days last a few days? Or they turn to weeks? And before you know it you can not remember the last thing you did as a parent that was right?
How do you dig out of those holes and make yourself feel worthy of being a parent?
Lately, I have felt like I fall into that category of “Just because you CAN have kids, does not mean you SHOULD have kids!”
I am not sure what is going on here. I don’t know if my consummate exhaustion is inhibiting my ability to know how to do this with my kids or whether my inexperience with kids is starting to show, but I am lost. Lost in the land of non listening, angry, demanding children that seem to have hearing problems, minding problems, and respect issues.
And they are still all under 5. I can not imaging the bad habits I will have to adopt to handle them in 10 years. Especially if I lack the ability to deal with them now!
And have we all been there or has my bad planning and desire to have all of my children in 3 years backfired and left me too tired, too frustrated, and too uneducated in child education to do this properly?
I am not a bad mother. They are not mistreated in any way. If anything, I am suffering from parental spoiling syndrome and lazy parenting tactics that are coming back to bite me in the keyster.
And I am too embedded in this norm that I can not seem to shake the habits I am creating in them. The kids that God trusted me with that I feel could be more… well, normal. They could go to sleep when told, eat the food I make, do the things I ask, not bite their baby sister’s cheek, show a little that they have parents, instead of proving that their parents are… lax.
I love my job, I do. All three of them. And the fourth that comes home just as demanding as the little ones. I would not have anything any other way.
But this week, I feel beat down by parenting. A failure in the game of raising children that is set up specifically to cause massive bills to a therapist.
Maybe tomorrow things will get better. They won’t tell me no. They won’t trash their rooms. They won’t bring me to tears. Making me question every little thing I have done since the day the doctor handed them to me.
Maybe tomorrow, I will beat parenting.
Sorry to hear you are feeling beaten down! I don’t have any advice because I usually feel like I can barely take care of my ONE 1-yr old boy…and I have a husband who works from home and really does more than his share of changing poopy diapers and entertaining him so I can get a few things done.
What I CAN say is that after having met you, I cannot imagine that the joyfulness that emanates from you is not a great blessing to your daughters and husband–more than you will ever know. And I can also say that, based on the stories I have heard from friends who are social workers, you must be up there in the top echelon of moms, because you seem to be doing a pretty great job and still have all those concerns.
I had all sorts of ideals before I became a parent, many of which have already been thrown out the window or been put on hold because I suffer intermittently from headaches and depression and simply do not have the energy that would be required to put all those ideals into action. I try to focus on the fact that God knows each of our situations, and each day all we can do is try to do as much as we can, as well as we can, without wearing ourselves out so much that we can’t do nearly as well tomorrow.
Blessings,
“after all tomorrow is another day…”
Hey. Here’s a comment about parenting… from a non-parent — or should I say, from the kids’ side of the whole parenting thing? I am what you might call the result of “bad parenting”, after the trouble-filled downpour caused by my parents divorce nearly five years ago I have been to ten different therapists, to psychiatric hospital, to a youth home, I’ve been through police investigations, I have been called psychotic, I have only recently gotten over self-harm (again, let’s hope for good)… But still, the circle has come back around and I can look back and say my parents aren’t completely rotten. Forgive and forget (or at least the latter).
I find it admirable how much you want to work for your kids. Not nearly all of us have the strength. I’ve been a semi-parent for my sister since I was 14, so even though I’ve never given birth or have never had a child of my own to take care of… I can kinda see through your eyes.
There’s always tomorrow =) *hugs*
I could have written your post yesterday. Yesterday was one of those days where I thought I really just might give up trying to teach them manners and respect and just let all the horrible behavior wash over me, because maybe if I did that it wouldn’t bother me so much anymore. For me, it’s the screaming. And the whining. And the DEMANDING. And do normal children injure their siblings on a near constant basis? Like, is it normal for play to include a non-stop stream of hits and kicks and pushes and screaming at one another?
I give you kudos, because at least you have the presence of mind to tell yourself that you love your job. I can’t stand this. I’m lucky enough to have wrangled some part time work for myself starting in September, and I am literally counting down the days until daycare starts.
I think that there are many parents whom can relate to this. I have always respected, and looked up to your honesty. Thank you for a good post!
Parenting is the hardest job in the world and what makes it even harder is that there is no “right” way to do it. Even within your own family you’ll find that what works for one child won’t work for the next one and each one has different needs, different quirks, and different challenges that you need to help them overcome. I think all moms question themselves at one point… or 20 points. I know there have been plenty of times that I question if I’m giving enough, caring enough, disciplining enough, cooking enough…. the list doesn’t really end. Ultimately you give the most you can and the best you can and you savor the joy of the good days and surrender to the bad ones knowing it starts fresh tomorrow.
For some reason it doesn’t seem like Dads have this underlying sense of not doing enough or not doing it right. Maybe we could learn something from them :) Until then I’ll be beating parenting and being beaten down by it – sometimes in the same 10 minutes – but it’s all worth it in the end. Right?