The bedtime battles have become insane wars in this house. It has consumed our daytime routines, our night time routines, and our overnight routines.
We have had enough!
So on Super Bowl Sunday, after having to cancel much anticipated plans with great friends because our children were so tired and unruly that we, literally, could not take them anywhere, we sat down and had a talk. How can we get our kids to understand that bedtime is not punishment, nor an evil scheme to ruin their day, and certainly not a result of us not wanting to be around them? And how, we wondered, could we get them to sleep through the night once and for all?
We brainstormed, wrote down ideas, threw balled up paper on the floor, and stared at each other blankly, hoping the other had the answers. It was the most alone time my husband and I have had in years. It was nice.
Our children, and their lack of sleep, inability to just go to bed, and game of revolving sleeping locations has about ruined our relationship! It is so far beyond ridiculous that Supernanny would paddle our hands with a ruler and sternly say, “bad parents! bad parents!”
So we thought and thought, laughed at a commercial, rewound the ones we liked, and then talked some more.
In the end, we had no answers. No magical solution to our every growing exhaustion problem in this house. No instant fix, no one hour show that ended with Mom and Dad learning that the do not have to be incarcerated with their children and can learn to be better parents. No 8 Ball.
But we had an idea. A spurt of green that might blossom into a garden of intelligence should we water it enough. We would, for the first time in a very long time – and by very long time I mean never – form a unified front. We would take back the night, and our “marriage time”, one tiny step at a time.
We would stand together and fall together. Celebrate the victories over our small, sleep deprived, offspring and support each other in the defeats. Sacrifice our time together for a little while longer so that we can bond together and form a parental chain against insomnia, excuses, and tantrums.
Each of us has a child… luckily, Megan is still pretty good about going to bed… we would alternate nights, so that we could not fall victim to their ploys and wit when feeling our weakest. We will sit, next to each other, quietly, in the dark hallway, until our designated child is asleep. When they get up and run for freedom, we will take our designated tot and gently place them back in bed, with a kiss… not a threat.
The yelling will end, the spankings, and empty promises to remove property will fade into bad parenting memories as we slowly, gently, reteach our children something we thought they would be born with… the need to sleep!
When we are done and the war is won and new battles begin to move to the forefront, we will shake hands and congratulate each other on a job well done. And reintroduce ourselves to each other. And fall back in love.
Because if we don’t solve this problem now, our marriage will fall into the abyss of tired disconnect. And we believe that we, and our girls, deserve better than that!
Way to go, working as a team is a great plan! Keep on keeping on!
I was wondering how this was going. good for you for deciding to do it as a team! i love the positives of the plan.
i feel like danny and i are in disconnect right now, too. we're more like roommates at this point in our lives…i hate it, but i know that this, too shall pass.
keep us "posted" about the battles!
I really do think that team work will benefit you both in this situation. I promise that once the kids know there isn't anything to get around and that you are serious, they will stop. I love your gentle approach and if you two are consistent, you and your honey will have some wonderful, quiet time alone! We all need time for our marriage too!
*sigh* 14 years of bedtime battles of one kind or another…through 3 spouses.
I'm pretty sure that this one issues contributed to the downfall of the first two marriages.
And I will simply say this: the kids finally go to bed when they are supposed to; they stay in their beds; they love bedtime (stories, hugs, laughing and then sleeping); they love their rooms.
But the one thing that I am absolutely CONVINCED made the difference????
I finally have a partner who committed to staying patiently and lovingly by my side, as dedicated to creating healthy habits for our entire family as I was…it made all the difference in the world.
Kudos to the two of you for making the time and commitment to take care of this now.
Good luck! :D