When I had children, my friend set changed. My non – children friends, whether single or not, went on with their lives and I made new, mommy, friends. I started out friending anyone who had children and then, over the years, whittled out the ones I didn’t have much in common with, and now, have settled into wonderful, fulfilling, friendships that I cherish dearly. I miss my other friends and, thanks to social media, I get to keep in touch with them. But 98% of my friends and friendships now, revolve around our kids.
And the children of my friends are my girls friends. Since their birth, we’ve pretty much frequented the same houses for play dates, the same restaurants when we want to get out – McDonald’s, and raised out kids together. It never dawned on me that one day, they would make friends of their own. With no connection to me at all.
It is an odd feeling when one of them says, “My friend is {insert various name}.” and I don’t know them or their mother. It is a bit unsettling, really. I don’t know anything about these kids. I can’t judge them by their grades, test scores, or extra – curricular activities because, well, they are in preschool.
Already, they are asking to go to other children’s houses and have children here. Granted, it is mostly the neighbor’s, but I know the friend that I know nothing about is coming. She is going to be dropped at my door, accompanied by her mother – whom I will have a short conversation – and, hopefully, picked up four to six hours later. In tact. At least, that is the goal.
And I will be asked to reciprocate. To drop my precious little babies off at a house I do not know the ins and outs of. I assume I will be stalking the house for the next four to six hours. At least until I know that they will be returned to me. In tact. Or at least close to the condition I dropped them off in.
The nuances of this are so new to me. They are making friends. One day, they will make a friend I won’t approve of. Maybe even have a – gulp – boyfriend I don’t like. I will have to be “that” Mom who lectures until her face is blue, attacks with emotional pleas, and bribes with new cell phones and personal transport pods – what? It could happen! – to get them to drop that friendship, in the interest of replacing it with someone more favorable…. to me.
Sigh. I am so not ready for this. Can’t I keep them within these walls, visiting and playing with the kids I know and have watched grow? Shelter them from the storm of low self esteem, image confusion, and other fun and exciting pains that accompany growing up? I’d like them to have friends I choose. Friends with mother’s that are my friends. Mother’s that will be alert and top of their kids, thus disallowing favoritism and encouraging fair play among the kids. Pre-approved moms and kids, so to speak.
I know, I know. I can’t. They have to grow. Against my better judgement. And make friends. And I have to let them. And maybe God has a switch he turns on that helps me deal with it when the time comes. Nestled next to the “letting them go to kindergarten” switch.
I just wish he wouldn’t flip it for another ten years or so…
Hi Lori,
I'm sorry about the FMBT link not working yesterday morning and wanted to thank you for still participating, we really appreciate it.
I am your newest follower.
Happy Holiday's!!
Stacy
http://www.sjunkie.com
Oh those are the days! I remember my kids finding friends, wanting to go over, and them come to our house. My daughter is still 15 and I still have the rule that if I don't know their parents they can't go to their home.
Last year my daughter wanted a friend to come over and I agreed. Her parents let me pick her up from school and didn't have a clue who I was or where I lived. That should've been my first sign. Needless to say my daughter is not allowed to hang out with her. She is not a good child at all. I can't stop her from talking to her at school, but I can stop her from going to that girls house.
Thank you Staci! I am so glad to have you!
WHAT??!!?? You picked her up and her parents did not know where you lived?? Holy Cow! How does your daughter respond the the restrictions? And how scared are you to have a 15 year old daughter! I will be terrified, I am sure!
Oh, I'm not ready for this either! Good luck stalking houses – you'll have to switch out vehicles from time to time so they don't recognize the same vehicle driving past their house :)
~ Ashley from the Motherboard
HAHAHA!! Or I could just sit on the curb and have them bring me coffee while the kids play??!!??
Oh boy, am I glad my kids are just three and one. I really am dreading the teenage years and all the fun things that go with them, including some friends I inevitably won't approve of.
It is not a chore I am happy about! LOL