I was looking at the girls baby pictures today.  Getting lost in their tiny toes, half done yawns, and baby smiles was something I needed.  It had been a rough morning.  Complete with non stop whining, an overly tired mother, and a desire to run back to girl’s weekend and make it last another week.

I got to thinking as I lightly touched the pictures of their baby cheeks, chubby fingers, and conjured up the feeling of holding a tiny baby, what happened?

What happened to these sweet, smiling, loving babies who wanted nothing more than to laugh and play, reaching for their mommy for snuggles and kisses?

What happened that turned them into demanding, sassy, disrespectful little girls?  Where stomping of feet and slamming of doors is par for the course and smiles and hugs sometimes seem strangely like a manipulative move?

How did it come to this?  Where they pin each other down to take a toy and knock each other down because they want to get out of the door first?  Or throw a fit in the store because they want the pink yogurt and it is all sold out?

The only rational reason I can come up with for their personality disorders is that they were all raised by me.  Now, I am not saying I am a bad mother or anything, but I am the common thread that links them all together.  So how can I not take personal offense when my 3 year old comes up and tries to kick me because she wants me to push her on the swing for another hour and all I want to do is go pee?

Prompting the inevitable question…  where did I go wrong?  How did I, the person they spend 85% of their time with, create these little diva monsters?  I can’t blame nature because they were born pure and sweet.  They were not born with a mean bone in their bodies, right?

And I know other kids have issues but mine seem to be a little over the edge!  Of course, I could always blame that on the fact that mine are all so close together.  But other mothers have kids close together and theirs don’t seem to be as nutty as mine!

Adding to the self – evaluation as a caretaker, I don’t know how to undo what has been done!  Or at least I don’t think I do.  Time out stops the actions for a moment but I do not think I have managed to break one single bad habit in my girls.

Katie still bites her nails, Sarah still whines from sun up to sun down, and Megan – my sweet, thought I was doing it right, lovable baby, is starting to fight and hit with her sisters!

Say it isn’t so!

The bottom line is…  and no one can give me a good reason why I should believe differently… that these girls were doing great in life.  They were all sugar and spice and everything nice…  and then came me!

So how do I deal with that?  How do I make it so that I take the control back and have an inkling of a clue on how to deal with them…  instead of a tear of frustration because I can not get them to do the simplest task?  Where are the resources that work?  The ones that point me in a direction, work for more than a day, and get real results?  Because I have racked up my Swagbucks trying to find them and so far, they are remiss.

I guess I will just keep trying.  What else can I do?

And I will pray…  a lot… that despite the damage that has already been done, I can manage to still raise self – respecting, honest, kind girls.  Anything else might just break my heart!