This morning I turned on the television for the girls morning dose of Sesame Street, Team Umizoomi, Dora, or whatever else they might be clamoring to watch, and found a breaking news story instead.
A Police Officer serving a warrant was shot and the news feed was following the ambulance to the hospital. I took a break to pray for his safety, his family, and to remember that without these public servants, we would all live in complete criminal chaos.
And then, as the questions started filtering in from Katie, my 4 year old, I started to wonder how I should answer them.
The basics were easy.
“Mommy, is that a hospital car?”
“Yes, baby.”
“Why is it going so fast?”
“It is taking a man to the hospital.”
“Oh…”
And then I knew that the next set of questions would bring up a dilemma I have fought with since becoming a parent. How much of this reality show we call life should I let them see or hear about and what portion of it deserves a real, honest answer, instead of a fluff fib?
“Mommy, why is the man hurt?”
Thinking quickly, not necessarily smartly, I answered her honestly. I told her that a Police Officer was shot with a gun and they were taking him to the hospital so that the Doctors could make him better.
A whole new round of questions began. And those too, I answered honestly.
I don’t know if I should have.
Is she old enough to understand what is happening? Did I just plant ideas in her head that she should not have yet? Will she now ‘play’ like she is shooting her sister and taking her to the hospital?
Or will this just go into her memory bank and recalled next time she sees an ambulance?
It is so hard, this decision of what to share with my kids. Harder than I thought it would be. I do not want to raise kids that are too sheltered, too hovered over, and too coddled and protected. But I also don’t want to scare them unnecessarily, give them ideas before it is time, or cause them to be fearful of life and unknown situations.
But the reality is that no matter how much I try to shield them from the bad of life, they are going to see and hear things that I am going to have to explain. And explain well. In terms that they will have to understand and have to be able to file in the correct place in their memories.
And I am going to have to be OK with that. And pray that the answers come naturally to me.
Or this reality show is going to be a bomb.
I think simple basic answers are best. and they all process the info differently. A lot of it goes over their head sometimes but sometimes they want to act out what they have just learned- which is good for them to process- just let her know what is and is not allowed- like no shooting people, even pretend- but I highly doubt she would pretend shoot her sister-
I hope you are right… it is hard to know though!!! Thank you for reading and commenting!
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WOW!! Thank you so MUCH!
I remember needing to figure out how to explain things and fast, with honesty, yet age appropriate with my eldest. His wasn’t what about the ambulance. He wanted to know all about body parts. So we went to the library and found age appropriate books. What I found is that you need to listen to their question and answer only that which they asked. They really only want to know just what they asked. Obviously in a way that is age appropriate that they’ll understand. Each child dictates what they need to know and when. Don’t shy away from it. Because I didn’t my eldest still comes to me about things he doesn’t quite get. I’m glad he’s coming to me for the right answers and it feels good to know it’s because we built this exchange between us over the years.
Good luck :D
That is great advice and I will be taking it. I like the idea of going to a library when the questions get hard! Thank you!
Ya know…I struggle with that too..how much info to give. But I don’t want them to be sheltered…and I don’t want to traumatize. Finding that balance is so hard. My hubby leaves for a year long deployemnt to Afghanistan in May…and we are really struggling with the issue of what info to give and what to withhold. It’s a very fine line.
WOW Crystal – that will be tough! We’ll be here for you when you need us!
I have been thinking about this lately… and at the same time being very thankful my lil guy is still too little to ask questions! I am glad you shared, and while I have no experience, I tend to like the idea of simple honest answers best as well.
Thank you Branson!! It is a hard thing for a parent, to let them grow up – but not too fast!!
This is definitely a hard decision. I won’t re-hash what has already been said, but I will “second” the notion of borrowing appropriate library books. I answer simply and honestly to questions. You can’t always physically protect them, so you must mentally prepare them to discern. When you begin to do this depends on how curious your child is. I rather my child hear it from me than anyone else.
I agree Pearls!! And I appreciate the advice!! This raising kids thing is hard sometimes… mostly because of all of the gray lines!
I still censor a lot of what my kids watch (ages 12 1/2 and 10) and the news is a big one. So much in there that I really don’t want them worrying about or becoming scared about (rapes, murders, random school shootings, etc) So I have to say, for now, they don’t watch the news. I do realize you can’t shelter them forever and the home is a place where they can ask questions about what they see and process it with guidance from Mom and Dad.
Generally, Kim, they do not either. This was at 9am, I had no idea breaking would be on and probably should have changed it immediately. But I didn’t and there in lies the question… how shelter do I want them to be? I never thought they would see anything until their teens, but things sneak in and I have to deal with it somehow! Thank you for commenting! I SINCERELY appreciate it!
I am pretty honest with my kids, and my parents were with me.
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Lori
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My husband is a police officer and I am so scared of those types of questions from my boys as my answers will have a completely different impact on their views of my husbands work. I think you did the right thing though in answering honestly.
I’m a new follower!
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Thank you for coming by and thank your husband for his service! I am following you back! ;)
Cute Blog! I’m a new follower Happy Friday!! I would love for you to stop and take a look at my blog as well! Thanks!
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