Something is wrong. I do not have any idea what it could be. But I woke up this morning with that horrible anticipatory feeling in my belly that generally means something is wrong.
I took the girls to school this morning. Everything was well. I kissed Sarah and she went off happily. Katie ran into her classroom and I did not get a chance to kiss her good bye, though I went back and looked in and she was happily huddled with her teachers so I assume she is okay. I pray that this feeling has nothing to do with her and that I do not regret not going in and kissing her.
Megan is fine. A little runny nose but fine. She is here with me and so I know I can take care of her. So I do not think this feeling relates to her.
I just heard from my husband so I know he is safely tucked into his desk. And as long as he stays there, barring some building issue, he is safe.
I suppose it could be finances. I did balance the checkbook last night and that always brings eternal fear to me. Especially since I am anticipating in upwards of $1000 on our electric bill. At a time when it is really inconvenient. Isn’t that the way it always is?
I don’t know. But I don’t like this feeling. To add to it, one of the girls teachers and I were talking this morning about when Megan would start preschool. I told her my gut said to wait until she was 3, like Katie was. And we got into a whole discussion about how our motherly gut instincts were generally right.
That added to my anxiety.
I feel light headed, like I could vomit, and like a crushing weight is on my chest preventing adequate oxygen levels.
I have had this feeling before and it eventually dissipates. I have had it and something has happened.
So, I guess I’ll just sit and wait for my gut feeling to explain itself. But the wait might just kill me!