And my final archive post of 2010 is one of my all time favorites! This is the one that Tori Spelling retweeted to all of her followers just as I was thinking I was not cut out for this blogging stuff. I was deep in the land of “Who am I kidding, I can’t write!?!” Please enjoy…
Originally posted 7/23/2010
I wake in the morning, rub my eyes and try to decipher which child’s cry I hear. I can immediately eliminate Katie as she has climbed into my bed sometime in the night, sidled herself next to me and pushed me to the very edge of my bed.
I hear the cry again and determine that it is Megan, not so much crying as alerting me that she is ready to depart her crib.
I get up, feel the familiar pulls and spasms that remind me I have a bad back each day. Three c sections with epidurals plus an extra thirty – five pounds has sent my back into early rigormortis that usually takes half a day of picking up children and toys to work itself out. I should go see someone… I’ll add it to my list.
I stop on the way to rescue Megan from baby jail and take my meds. Yet another reminder that I am approaching middle age faster than I can down a twelve pack. I sweep my short hair up into a nubbin for the 998th day in a row, examine my eyebrows that are about 8 trips overdue for waxing, analyze how much longer I can go with my lip hair before people call me a man, and sigh.
I used to be so pretty. And I know I am not hideous now, but if you look at my pictures from five years ago, I am clean, tidy, and refreshed looking. My hair is trimmed and fixed, my nails painted and buffed, my feet are soft and unable to sand deck boards just by walking on them. My legs are shaved, my waist fits in a size 8 and my skin is clear. I used to put on at least a spot of make- up on on a daily basis. And if I didn’t, it was ok. Because my skin was tight, soft and a reason I was carded to buy beer.
I took time for myself, took pride in myself and cared how I presented myself to the world. I had confidence that I was in style, looked sharp and took good care of myself. My car was clean, my house was spotless and my husband was weeelllll taken care of, if you get my drift.
I went to the dentist twice a year, went to the Doctor the second I felt sick, and took my vitamins like a good girl. I was a priority.
I see myself now and wonder what happened to that carefree, fun loving girl. The one that would hop on a plane to Vegas or New York just because I didn’t have any other plans. The one that could tell you more about wine, trendy restaurants and bars than any local paper could.
I look in the mirror these days and see a shell of my former self. My skin had aged and is tired looking, my hair is graying – shhh – don’t tell my husband, I tell him he’s the only one! I need a haircut, tweezing, waxing and shaving. I need a shower for Heaven’s sake! My fingernails are broken, my feet are just plain scary and I think I am wearing the same shirt for the third day in a row.
I am – much – heavier and for the first time in my life my stomach enters the room before my boobs. That’s not a drain on my self confidence at all. No – I am healthy like that. I have tried to lose it. It keeps finding me. Damned built in GPS system.
My house is a mess, my car is reprehensible and I can’t seem to find the time to get either of them to any sort of order. My husband is not as well taken care of thus meaning I am not so well taken care of. If you get my drift…. again.
I have not been to the Dentist in 3 years, and except for an Obstetrician, I have not idea what condition my health is in. Oh, except for a back Doctor about a year ago. I could not move for 24 hours after. I can’t wait to go back.
The last place I traveled to was Wal- mart and I could not tell you if a bottle of wine is from Australia or Calamazoo. I have no idea what restaurants are even in this town, well – except McDonald’s – I know where all of those are in a 10 mile radius. The last bar I went to was called Dusty’s or Darby’s or something like that and had half sized pool tables and full priced watered down drinks. It was the closest one to home in case the sitter called.
These days the closest I get to being hip, trendy and cool is Friends reruns and buying Huggies Jeans diapers for my baby. Plus, I jump into the totally awesome category when I alert my friends of a good clearance sale on children’s clothing! I am really surprised there is no E! True Hollywood Story on me.
But, as I get back to reality, I suppose it is all relative. Life is meant to change, evolve and take you in different directions. Staying in the same daily routine can be boring and uneventful.
I take a deep breath and head out to Megan’s room, stepping over toys, clothes and shoes promising I will get this house clean today. I will fail, but at least I have high hopes. A four tooth grin greets me and I know that trumps any jackpot I could have hit in Vegas.
I hear Sarah coming out of her room, pull- up so full it sags past her knees. Her hair in knots from twirling it through the night. I inhale deeply because I know there will be crying and pain when I attempt to remove the knots from her hair. She alerts me that she has, again, peed in her bed and tells me to “Change it.” I know I should correct her for her bossiness but she is just so darned cute that I can’t get up the energy to do it.
Katie comes down the hall, heads to her room, ignores my Good Morning, closes her door and signals that my day has, indeed, begun. I smile and think, this is only the beginning of the drama queen that will attempt to reign supreme for years to come.
I suppose I have learned that in order to properly tend to my children and have a somewhat sane day, I had to put memories of my old self aside. Even my aching back, tiredness and hair do will have to wait for another time. And instead of feeling like I need to spend my entire day just trying to find time to myself, I have to just face reality and give 24/7 to my children.
I remain confident that they will appreciate this and make sure my Nursing Home has an open bar.
After changing diapers, pull- ups and sheets, settling fights between Katie and anyone who enters her room, attempting knot untangling from Sarah’s hair and picking up Megan for the bejillionth time, I am lost in my new reality.
A reality that I fully accept and appreciate more than I’d like to admit. I love my little drama queens – tantrums, personality disorders and all. More than my past freedoms, lavish trips and extensive bar tabs. I love them more than the me that I used to be.
But as I take time to remember me, I pray that I can guide my girls to create the woman that they will be proud to look back on too.
Like this one sooo much!! :)
Another great post! :)
*blush* – thanks guys ;D
I can identify with this feeling! I'm a bit more fortunate in that Dylan's father has him when I do not- and sometimes those Saturdays really are days for R&R.
Your girls are going to grow up to be amazing women- because they have an amazing mother. :) You might feel like you don't have a life right now, but it will come back eventually! ^_^
This was beautiful. So well said. Couldve written this post myself. It's my life too! Would you mind if I copied this to my blog (with credit to you and links to your blog). Never would I imply that I wrote it. I just my readers can totally relate. Email me at fiabellaphotography@yahoo.com
Thank you Staci – I did send you and email but, in case it is lost in spam, I am fine with your sharing my blog – obviously with my writiing credits – as long as you provide me your page so I can add you to my list to watch and can see how my blog is received! Are you good with that? :)
Excellent! Again!
Thank you Lori. I've found that sometimes when I'm feeling a little self pity at what my mommy life has been like so far, the best medicine is reading things like this and feeling like I am not alone! I wouldn't have my life any other way but that doesn't stop me from feeling like complaining every once in a while :)
Not sure how, but I found your blog! I love this post and am a new follower :)
Welcome to all my newbies! We can get through it together! I am honored you would spend time with my work!! ;D
Ciera – THANK YOU for putting me on your site! I am humbled!!
Wow – You are AWESOME!!! I absolutely love this – LOVE THIS – write a book – I will read it…well…I'll buy it and put it on my night stand and read three sentences at a time for 16 years…but you get my point – you are awesome!!
HAHAHAHAHAHA!! Thank you Erin!! I would write a book in a heartbeat… just need an agent, a publishing company, an advance for a nanny, and an idea! LOL But, it is a lifelong dream…. this one will be popping up on archive week… I love this post too!
You are such an excellent writer, I feel completely engrossed into this story…I expecially love the ending.
New follower from the Ring in 2011 bloghop…would love to have you stop by and follow me too! :)
Happy New Years! :)
This is my first time reading this and I just loved it! It resonated with me soooo much! Beautifully written…
Visiting from the blog hop.
Hope you had a Merry Christmas and have the best 2011 ever.
Nancy
http://discoverdirectselling.blogspot.com/
This is my all time fav post too. I found this post thru Tori's retweet! I had no idea about blogging and this post got me into it. xoxo
Really good! Can't all moms relate to those feelings, holy cow, that hits the heart of motherhood for sure. Great post, Lori! Thank you for resharing it. :)
Love this, Lori! Used to be that brushing my teeth, showering, and putting on a bra was just part of my morning routine – now it defines a successful day! :) Have a great new year!!
~ Ashley from The Motherboard (www.themotherboard.com)
LOVE THIS!!!
I'm your newest follower and would love for you to stop by and follow me back!
Happy New Year from Being Frugal & Making It Work!
I am your newest follower. Following from the New Year blog hop. Have a great 2011. All the best for a prosperous new year.
I am your newest follower. I found you through the Ring in the New Year hop! http://lusravesandrants.blogspot.com/2010/12/omg-mummmmy-justin-bieber-said-he-likes.html
Hello. visiting from the ring in 2011 blog hop! Please visit & follow @ http://www.mommiesandbeyond.comn I would love to reach 200 fans before 2011! Happy New Year!
Following from the blog hop. Hope you can follow back.
God Bless,
Shelley
< a href="http://www.mylifeadventurebyme.blogspot.com//">Finding My Life in Faith< /a>
Such a great post! I wrote something similar recently:
The Never-Ending Struggle to Balance Motherhood and Work
http://dagmarbleasdale.com/2010/10/the-never-ending-struggle-to-balance-motherhood-and-work/
Dagmar
Dagmar's momsense
Thank you all so much for dropping by and following! I am not following you all back!
HAPPY NEW YEAR!
hey i just found your blog. I cant relate directly as no kiddos here yet, but loving your work. new follower! x
http://www.RealDadReviews.comFollowing your blog! Please follow back!If you could follow me on Facebook, that would be great!http://www.facebook.com/RealDadReviews
Thanks
The Dad!.
You are absolutely hysterically funny! I read this to my 21 year old daughter, first because it's funny, but second because it's so true and happens to all of us!
I LOVE this post! I wrote a post on my blog about going from being a party-goer to mommy. But this was hysterical (and so true!) I'm going to retweet it so all my mommy friends can read it & relate lol
http://myadventures-in-mommyland.blogspot.com
(I love new friends hint hint hehe)
Fantastic post! What a great read ;)
This is excellent. I have a couple posts similar to this. And I love reading them…to know that I'm not the only mama who goes w/o showers, who wears the same clothes, who never gets to the salon. Misery loves company? Only , I love it!! I wouldn't ever trade this time w/my kiddos…well, maybe for a spa day every now and then!