The rain is falling down, flooding my yard. Washing out my desire to accomplish anything good. It is wetting my mood and flooding my mind. With the splish splash and a pitter patter on my panes.
I have a list of chores to do, my jobs as described, organized and hung for all to see. I want to do none of it, will try to care little and will feel guilt by my laziness.
I am tired and the rain gives me excuses. My kids are bored, demanding attention for only one to give. A movie, popcorn and a kiss from their mother sooths them into a comatose existence. Free from creativity and play, my time frees up to do what it is I am supposed to do.
I am feeling ungrateful, blind to my blessings. Ignorant of my luxuries and disrespectful to my Lord. This gives me sadness, loathing, and frustration with myself.
Something is off. A tilt if you will. Unstable on it’s axle, threatening to fall, crashing into the glass box and shattering it into oblivion. Is it my being, my levels, my blood? Or could it be my intuition, my insecurities or my blindness to obviousness? It could simply be that I am lazy, unmotivated and inexcusable in my excuses. Creating drama where only reality exists.
Locked in our box, made up of rooms and closets, I wonder what there is I could do. To get me moving, active and break the sedentary lifestyle I have chosen for the day. To accomplish not only the needs but the wants of my children and husband. To make myself useful in my daily routine. To succeed at mundaneness.
I know if I actually move, get up and function, my body will feed with energy and reward itself with accomplishment. Years of making myself get up and go have taught me this. Breaking free of my desire to be lazy day after day and feed off of the neglect to my pride has bode well for me over the years. Rewarding me with career, marriage and children.
So, why, on a day when excuses to have my children sit and be are acceptable, can’t I shake a feeling, respect what is mine and create better than I have right now? If my goals are in reach, why am I folding my arms? Turning my back to my abilities and knowledge of how it could be. Why am I creating nothing when something is so easy to manifest?
It must be my day. To sit, reflect, excuse, laze and dream of a different result.
My day to watch it rain a little rain.