On Sunday, 1/8, I was the guest poster on ashleyplus3.com!
Below is the script!
Mommy Plays Games
Motherhood has made me a master game player. No one can beat me. Except another Mother. My husband can’t touch me, my extended family falls way short, and strangers can only stand in blanket admiration. I can take out an opponent with a single move and leave them scratching their heads and wondering how one person can be so incredibly talented at every game out there.
After three daughters, 50,000 diaper changes, and countless Pull Up removals, I have mastered Twister. I think Hasbro is actually looking at a new twist so that I will be stumped. I can put my right hand on a diaper, hold wiggling legs with my left, use my right foot to grab the diaper cream, and my left to reach the wipes. I can do it without dropping a baby, knocking over a toddler, and while calming a little girl. I am that good.
I am the creme de la crop of 20 Questions. I am actually thinking of taking my talent on the road to teach others not so versed in my talents. Except I’ll rename the game 200 Questions and travel with four other people whose sole job is to throw questions at me non stop, no matter what my answer. And this must go on for hours at a time with no stopping. I prefer the same question over and over again. It just makes it more fun.
Operation creators need to call me from tips. I can remove a splinter from the toe, popcorn kernel from the nose, and small toy from a biting mouth with ease. I can do it without touching the sides, setting off alarms, or a Doctor’s assistance. Really, it is a sight to see. And while doing it, I can use my master skills at Charades to get my husband to get a band aid, a warm cloth, or an ice pack, without a word.
My husband and I play Tug Of War daily. He used to win, but not anymore. Not since I started staying home. I have an uncanny strength now that comes with spending the day with little, whiney, demanding, dramatic, little girls. Now, when we have an issue, or debate who is right and who is wrong, I pull all of my strength from the underbelly of my exhaustion and frustration and knock him on his keyster with one fail swoop.
And since I pay the bills, cook the meals, clean the house, walk the dogs, feed the plants, water the yard, mop the floors, rearrange the rooms, do the laundry, scrub the toilets, console the kids, pet the husband, check the mail, pour the wine, send out the letters, buy the gifts, take out the trash, and put everyone to bed at night, I would say I have a Monopoly on this game called Life.
Yes. Mommy plays games.