I think I am burnt out on parenting. After 2 weeks of almost non stop parenting alone- my husband has been traveling – I have hit the wall.
And I feel terrible about it. And guilty. And like a bad mother.
Especially after the horrific and appalling daycare fire in Houston this week.
I KNOW I am lucky to be able to stay home and take care of my kids. To make sure they are eating what I want them to, reading what I want them to and watching what I want them to. And that someone is with them all the time should tragedy strike.
And I have made an effort to hold them tighter, love them more, and appreciate that I have them more… and understand that they are growing too fast.
And then – on the 7,567th Mommy, or the 86th fight, or the 853rd “I need:,”I want”; Get me”, I lose my grip on the reality of how good I have it. I start to roll my eyes if I hear them call me, let tension and anger enter my instructions to them, and let tears fall as I wish I could just have five minutes alone.
It was kind of nice when my husband was gone, at least at night. I managed to get them all to bed at a decent hour and had some time to myself. Of course, I chose to clean, do bills, organize drawers and fold laundry. Because all of that had to be done too. I wish I had watched movies, drank some wine, and taken a long, hot shower.
But I felt like a bad housekeeper. Like I was falling down on my job. And like I was unappreciative of how hard my husband works to give us this life. And relaxing would have made me feel guilty.
But now he is back, and let’s be honest, he is a lot of work all on his own. We have an old fashioned type of marriage. I take care of the house and him and the kids, and he takes care of supporting us and spoiling the kids… for the most part. It is not that I want him gone, I don’t at all – but it did seem like my work load was more relaxed and less ‘do, do, do’.
But even thinking that makes me feel like a bad wife. And unappreciative mooch. And guilty.
So, I wonder… is this just Mommy burn out? Am I just suffering from too much of a good thing? Unable to balance my life so that it is about more than my kids?
Or is it just a selfish rant. Meant to incite sympathy and supporters to my side. Justifying my guilt… empathizing my self induced stress?
I do have my first real weekend away in years coming up in two weeks. A whole weekend with a dear friend. We have been planning it forever but now that it is on the horizon, instead of being excited, I am worried. That taking this time to go play means I do not love my family. That I will be there and just want to come home because I miss my constant companions. That I will come home and wish I could have stayed longer…
I don’t know.
I think, like with any job, every one just needs some time to recharge. But when you are a mother, that time is null and void. Because even if I do find time to get out, get away, tend to myself a bit, I am still wondering about the kids and my husband. What do they need? Are they OK? Do I need to check in? How fast can I get home if there is an issue? And on and on.
Sometimes, it is just easier to put myself last and hope that in the future, I will move up the importance chain.
Until then, I will just continue to wonder if I can claim mommy burn out… or if I am just on a selfish rant.
I don’t think this is selfish at ALL. I feel like this a lot because my husband works upwards of 15 hours a day and I NEVER…literally….NEVER get a break. I don’t go anywhere without the kids and I am ALWAYS the designated driver if I do (the last time was like 4 years ago).
Being a mother and a wife is hard. You have to allow yourself that much at least. And that glass of wine and a long, hot bath? A VERY good idea!
Hugs to you!
Thank you Bella! MY hubs works 15 hours a day in a normal basis so feel for you. But the OOT stuff just threw me for a serious loop! I am too the designated driver and I do not understand that! 5 years of pregnancy or nursing should reward me a crazy night, right?
I am drinking that wine! Have some with me!
It sounds like burn out to me…I think I’m going through the same thing lately. I have had very little patience and I have been feeling almost depressed about it all….and guilty for feeling this way too.
Do you think your husband would watch the kids for a few hours, so you can get out of the house alone. Even just going to the bookstore, grabbing a coffee and a magazine off the shelf might help. Just do something totally for you. Don’t shop for food or for your family…just something frivilous. We all need a break now and then and time to ourselves.
Good Luck!!
Well – I actually left – just to save myself! I went to JCPenny and bought my kids some clothes, I admit. But I did stop at Starbucks and get a venti hot cocoa! LOL It was not great, but I got out… sometimes that has to tide one over, you know? Thank you for not making me feel like a pathetic whiner! ;)
You are not alone…mommy burn out is very real. Some women are literally “super moms” or something and can get through it all without being overwhelmed. Not me. I need breaks and time to myself- and when the hubs is OOT, it gets hard and I can totally relate! I don’t think it is selfish at all Lori. Enjoy that glass of wine. :)
Keri
Thank you Keri!! You are amazing! I agree, I am no supermom, nor will I ever be one. And I may just give up on even trying to be one… that might help! ;)
I agree with the above posts. Mommy burn out is definitely real. My husband sometimes travels weekly, Monday thru Thursday’s when he is on a project. I only have one child but by the time Thursday comes I am so tired, so worn out just done. Then of course, I have to please my husband when he is home or I am the bad wife. I don’t think there is a balance, ever. When you are a mom and a wife, especially a stay-at-home mom, you put the needs of everyone else above yours because that is just the way it is. Sometimes, I wish I didn’t quit my job at least if I had a job I would have time alone. But I love being with my daughter all the time, I love watching her grow up and I love the fact that I have not missed a thing. So I’ll take my little bouts of unhappiness just to see her smile. You go momma! These moments come and go but in the end you are a Super MOM!
I agree 100%! I miss my career sometimes. I worked hard to establish it and though walking away for my then 1 yo daughter was easy, now I miss the adult contact and monetary praise. But I would never in a sec go back and miss a single moment of my children’s short childhood now. Thank you for saying I am Super mom… that is a new one ;D
Completely normal! As mom’s we all need sometime away. To refresh ourselves and renew our energy. Otherwise we could become one of those moms that you hear about on Nancy Grace. I hope you take your much needed weekend away. You will appreciate it and your family will have a new appreciation of what you do. Have a little fun, Momma!
Thank you Nancy! I just pray no one gets sick, my hubs does not get called out of town, or my car does not break down! Because we all DO deserve a weekend away!
I feel exactly. the same. way. I am in pretty much the same situation (where I take care of everyone and the house and my husband works long hours to bring in the cash part of the equation)
I have a lot of things to say. Things like:
-Of course you are burned out. No one can do a 18-hour, 7-day-a-week job without breaks and not feel burned out, no matter how much she loves it.
– It’s not about balance, it’s just that they’re always there, needing you. You are doing the best that you can, but it can’t prevent the burnout.
– I think that, in lots of ways, society wants us to be grateful for this job, with double the hours of a normal job and no pay. People say things like, “I’m glad I get to stay home with my kids.” and I think it has the connotation that it’s all fun, or a vacation, or a breeze. So when it tires us out, when we need a vacation, we not only feel guilty, we feel lazy to boot.
Anyway. Enough of a rant from me. I’m thinking of you as your ladies’ weekend approaches, and hoping the guilt stays away.
Thank you Leigh Ann! I appreciate the support and knowing that I am not alone! I wish girls weekend were here already… LOL Thank you for commenting! ;D
What you’re feeling is completely normal. I really don’t believe there are SuperMoms. I think they have a great mask on when in public but fall apart in private. It’s really hard when the kids are young and need you all the time. Then they get older and don’t need you in the same way.
What you need is someone close to you who is experiencing the same way. Open up, be completely honest, and you’ll be amazed at how good it feels to find someone who feels the same way!
By the way, Mommy Burnout doesn’t make you a bad, less-loving, caring person. It means you’re human!
Good luck!
xo Susie
I am hoping next weekend is my rant weekend! LOL Thank you, I love that I am not crazy!
Well I will apologize first for being so honest but….
How dare you be so selfish and expect to have time to yourself??? I mean really…a woman/mom/wife/superhero/taxi/boobookisser/homemaker/accountant/chef/nanny/dr/doitall is not supposed to want or need down time. I can’t believe that you would even think that a all-in-one kind of person should dream of a time of sipping wine and relaxing on the couch.
Now…. I am a working mom…my husband drives me insane and on the rare occasion that he does leave the house for a night I L.O.V.E it! This weekend will be the first time in 16 years that I have gone on vacation without my kids. I couldn’t be more excited. Don’t get yourself to where I am….My daughter will be 16 in June, and in 16 years I haven’t gone and had any girl time…no dinners with friends, no movies, nothing. I’ve dedicated myself to the kids and now I’m no where near old but feel like I’ve missed out on a lot in life. Not because of my kids…but because I chose to make them my entire being, my entire identity. At 16 she doesn’t want me so much…so now I don’t know who I am and I’m BORED!
LOL!! I love it!
OMG- 16 years??? PLEASE – party it up and have some wine for me! YOU DESERVE IT!!