My husband and I have just come through a rough spot in our relationship. A lot of it having to do with not paying enough attention to each other but paying too much attention to the kids. And part of it being serious financial stresses and his own hard days at work.
We sat down a week or so ago and had a good talk. The kind of talks that heal but we had been missing out on. We decided that we needed to make some small but necessary changes to make sure we got this thing right – if not for us, but for our three beautiful daughters and for each of us as individuals.
The first subtle change is to watch our mouths, so to speak. Since we are both passionate people about what we think and believe, we have a hard time letting the other one speak and be heard! Time to open our ears and heart and shut our big mouths. Amazingly, this has been fairly easy. The fighting is almost non existent now and if one of us does say something, we step back and apologize. I recommend to all couples to think before you speak. Words are sure hard to take back.
The second re – committment we made was to make time for each other. We can not do “date night” out, per say. We have no reliable sitters and we really do not have a lot of disposable income right now. But we have a ping pong table, a radio and a three car garage that is insulated so that kids can not hear us trash talking each others ping pong skills late at night! And we love it! More than a fancy restaurant and having to get home to let the sitter leave. It’s cheap and still feels like we are treating ourselves!
The third thing was to let some of the stuff go with the kids. I mean, who really cares if they want to dress in mismatched clothes and listen to the same song 80 times on the radio? In the grand scheme of things, does it really matter? Not sweating the small stuff has made our time with our kids even more enjoyable.
Small changes, I agree, and probably common sense to others. But any time a couple can sit down and really hash out the issues they are having – and stick to the promises they make during that conversation – the better off the couple, I think.
Every once in a while it feels good to make a little difference!
I wrote this blog post while participating in the SocialMoms and Cottonelle blogging program, for a gift card worth $25. For more information on how you can participate, click here.