I registered my first daughter for Kindergarten today.  The whole process took about 6 minutes out of my morning.  Funny, it has taken hours and hours of restless nights, days on days of worry, and months of research for such a simple task.

I like the school.  It actually reminds me of my Elementary School that I grew up attending.  I like the location, the people were sweet – and understanding – and the halls were colorful and festive.

I hate the school.  It is taking my baby.  My first born.  My infant.

She is not ready.  Ok, maybe I am not ready but I am blaming it on her because I am a 38 year old woman and I should know better!

She, actually, is super excited and her teacher’s say she is more than ready.  But what do they know?  Except they do.

Kindergarten.

WOW.

Really?

Already?

The test just gave me two lines.  The Doctor just told me it is a girl.  I just decorated her nursery and had a baby shower!  I was just up all night with her nursing away.  She was just in diapers. She just learned to crawl… to sit…  to walk… to run.  She just potty trained and moved to a big girl cup.  I just put her in pre- school.  She just mastered the tricycle and got a big girl bike for her birthday!  She just started reading words.

She just got registered for Kindergarten.

WOW.

Really?

Already?

How did this happen?  This instant transformation to a little girl.  No more baby rolls, baby fuzz on her head, or baby coos.  Now it is nail polish and lip gloss and dressing herself.  The only evidence of her infancy hanging on a wall.  She’ll even lose her baby teeth soon.

What will I do all day without her?  My constant companion, best friend, hardest challenge? How do I rearrange my days to allow for her to be gone more than she is here?  Where do I find the courage to trust that she is OK where ever she is?

I suppose it is like every other milestone in her life.  I worry and stress about her hitting one, wish to God that she would not so soon, but once the routine of it settles in, it seems to work out OK.

So maybe if I start to approach it more as a good thing… a new opportunity… a new milestone, I might just make it.

But I am still not ready.