I don’t want to do this today.
Not the have children, stay at home, reap the rewards of a smile and a hug, part. But the sassy mouth, “Mommy I want…”, fighting children, diaper changing, food preparing, nose wiping, “Mommy, Mommy, Mommy”, part of it.
I suppose I am just burnt out. Tired of the constant whining, needing, messiness, personality disorders, doing it all alone, days I have. Tired of telling them no, watching them do it anyway, and then having to be the one that disciplines, re-disciplines, and disciplines some more, only to have them do it again.
I am tired.
I don’t want to fold the laundry for the 878th day in a row. Or do the dishes for the second time this morning. Or wipe down the counters, sweep the ever dirty floors, clean messes off the toilets, pick up the toys, the shoes, the many clothes they put on all day, or them for the 50th time in an hour.
I am tired of the constant, unwavering, screaming and fighting and hitting – them, not me – pushing, shoving, smacking, yelling, inability to share, crying relationship they all have with each other.
I really do just need to go buy that ref uniform, put it on over my maid’s uniform, and layer it with my apron.
Most days, I am ok. Happy to oblige and put effort into my daily life and parenting of my little girls. Most days I get up and want to do better. Accomplish more than the mundane, rigorous, routine of it all. Twenty percent of the time, I succeed. The rest of the time, I just resolve to try again tomorrow.
Today, I don’t want to try.
I want to sit. Stare. Not listen. Do nothing. And have peace.
It won’t happen, I know that. And I will get up and shut off my computer and get it done. Because it is my job. A job generously given to me by God. A job I asked for, even if I did not read the fine print. A job, on most days, I really try to excel at.
But today. I don’t want to do this today.
Love your honesty! Good luck! On those types of days I always deem it an early to bed type of day. (Even if it's 1 1/2 hrs early).
Will you come put them down for me?? LOL Part of my frustration is it is taking 2+ hours to get them to bed… since taking away milk, they stall like pros… :(
Three words for you: I don't either.
I'm having a particularly rough day. I used to work full time, and due to circumstances out of my control, I am now home full time.
I miss cute shoes, I miss going to the bathroom by myself, I miss looking nice, I miss my hair being free of schmutz. I miss knowing that my work has some tangible payoff. I miss being appreciated.
I want to go back. I don't want to do this either. You are not alone.
(((HUGS))) Thanks for posting.
Leigh Ann! I know exactly where you are!! BIG HUGS and email me if you ever need to talk!
You don't have to be it all every day my friend. It's ok to not have a spotless house and it is perfectly ok to just loaf and hang out with your kids.
Nurture you today. Sit and watch movies. The housework will wait another day.
Kim – can I give you my husband's number and you tell HIM that??!!?? LOL
*hugs* etc etc I know what you mean. Those days suck. But youre amazing and shouldnt think anything different.
Aww – thank you hon!!! If I could only be half as good as you!
Found your blog from twitter and LOVE that I found someone in my shoes. No one around here has 3 kids 4 and under. Except me. They all look at me like I am crazy and I feel like I have no right to complain because they might say "well, you should have thought about that before getting pregnant." Not that they would, but I feel like they will. Cause no one understands.
I just had my 3rd baby December 14th. Yesterday was your post for me.
I called my husband with SOS. That is our code for "If you work late your children will be locked in a room and I will be rocking back and forth mumbling." It was a terrible day. 3 yo & 21 month old wanted to play in the snow. Baby girl wanted to nurse for an hour. Soon as the frozen snow monsters came back inside baby girl had to be put down. And she let me KNOW how she felt about that. 3 yo made a mess as I was undressing the toddler and while baby girl screamed.
After everyone was dressed I turned on the TV and nursed and yelled "you better go play with your toys, I need to relax for one minute!"
I really hope tomorrow brings some smiles, some refreshment for you. Today is so much better for me! Baby girl is actually napping and older 2 are playing happily (for now.)
I am your newest follower and will be looking forward to more stories about your clan :)
Hi Annie and WELCOME!! YES! I feel people will say I have no right to complain too. Mine are 4, 3 and 1. The first two were 14 months apart and my last was born when my middle was 20 months. So I can totally relate to where you are now! God Bless and lean on me! I am a year and a half ahead of you and it is hard, but it does get a tad easier!!
I am having a day much like yours today, and I only have 2! It is so hard sometimes! My mom was here this weekend because my husband and I went away over night Saturday night (before you say how lucky I am, this was the first time we had been away in over 4 years!). I am frustrated today because I see that my girls only act the way they do for me, no one else, not even their dad. They save all of their whining, crying, fighting, demanding, squealing, for me. Like you, some days I am ok with it and I get through, but some days, like today, it is all just too much. I had to send both of them to their rooms while I prepared lunch just to avoid the chaos and so I could think! Hugs to you and I hope your day gets better!
YES YES YES!! What is IT with kids being totally out of control for us and good for everyone else???? UGH!! ((HUGS)) We'll all get through it together, right?
I felt that way yesterday b/c on top of my normal duties I've also been a nurse for my husband who had foot surgery last Monday. I ended up ignoring the things I hate the most; vacuuming & tidying up. Today I woke up in a better place and knocked that stuff out first thing. Though I know it won't last long I am content now that my house is in order.
I feel you Lori! I have maybe 2 people in my life that I share these sentiments with because if I shared it with other moms that I know, whoo! THey'd probably look at me cross-eyed and say I was unappreciative.
Keep on keeping on.
Tawanna
http://www.momsguidetotravel.com
Ditto, ditto, and double ditto.
As my baby girl wails at my feet because she only took a 30 minute nap today and if I let her fall asleep now (as my DH did on Sunday when I dared leave for Zumba class), she'll be up partying until 11 PM… again.
*Kelly
We all have times we need a break. Maybe find the local high school who likes to babysit and unwind for a night. It may do a world of good. All the best!!!
Clay
http://www.tantrumstroublesandtreasures.blogspot.com
Thanks for the follow. I'm following you back, and I also tweeted your post!
http://www.caringforourblessings.com/
I felt exactly like this today. And yesterday. And I probably will tomorrow. Sometimes it feels like Groundhog day. It's the same thing over, and over, and over… And then something happens to break the cycle. Hang in there! Thanks for such an honest post about what motherhood is really like sometimes.
Thanks Morgan. I hope tomorrow is one of the better days for you!
Hi Lori . . .
I have those days . . . I usually go to bed and pull the covers over my head. Or make a cake.
Thanks for following my food blog . . . I'm following you back :)
Have a wonderful Wednesday . . . Gina
http://ginasitaliankitchen.blogspot.com
http://fabulousfrugalista.blogspot.com
. . . and many more!
Wow! I thought I was the only one! I wish they would put this in one of those 'What to expect when you are expecting' books. I thought I was going insane a when they were smaller, then I started home schooling my daughter a few years ago. And now I am home schooling both. I have a very strong willed, gifted daughter. You would think it would be easier because she is smarter. Yeah right. I can feel my heart start to pound in my throat when she stalls. I could right a blog just with my experiences in home schooling that child. And then since my 4 year old is doing pre-k, he doesn't have to do as much. So guess what he is doing when she is trying to do her lessons? I hear 'Mom!!! he's hitting me!!, Mom!! he's making noise!!, Mom!!! He's bothering me!!!' They fight all day every day. Your blog post feels like you spied on my life.
Has your husband hit you with this one yet? "Honey could you try and get the house cleaned up today?" It makes me feel like I sit at home all day and watch talk shows. I run a business and home school for goodness sakes, I will try to have your house spotless and your dinner waiting for you on the table as soon as you walk in. You've worked such a hard 8 hour day. (while my days are more like 16-18 hours).
Sorry this is so long, your post just got me going.
Shavon – welcome to your parallel life. Except that I don't homeschool but I am considering it. And YES -my husbands comments on my house are insane! He stayed one day a few weeks ago and he did NADA!! I came home after working for a friend, then clean up the mess HE created and made him dinner! never ending! LOL Keep reading, I bet you find more that just me here in your same shoes! WELCOME to ALL! ;)