Something has been bothering me since last Thursday night. Nagging at my brain, challenging me to debate it. I conceded, knowing my brain is not keen on letting me sleep if it has something on it.
On one of the rare nights that we only had one child still up at 9pm, my husband and I turned on the TV. Private Practice was on. I have not watched this show in forever, except for the episode where the woman was raped a few weeks back. In the interest of seeing where that story line was, we settled in to watch it, Megan happily tucked in next to me.
This episode saw Addison trying to save her mother’s partner, who was in the advances stages of cancer. Addison fought to find a solution to certain death while her mother slapped her in the face, snapped at any road block she had, and could not bring herself to say “Thank you” when Addison did save the partner.
In one scene, the mother was crying on the hospital bench and Addison’s boyfriend – I can not recall his name but he was haw -w- w t – went out to talk to her. He urged the mother to show appreciation and gratitude for her daughter. When she admitted that she was there because only her daughter could pull off such a miracle, the boyfriend asked why she never told her daughter that.
Her reply was, “I am her mother. That’s not my job.”
Yea it is!
That is what I blurted out, loudly, at the screen. My husband agreed and drifted off to sleep but the comment bothered me.
What do you mean to support and praise your daughter is “not your job?” Then what is a mother’s job? besides the obvious carry a child, birth a child, raise a child, and then help do it again when the child has a child?
Where do children get their self esteem, self worth, and self image if not from their mothers or fathers? It is not something they are born with, like brown hair, blue eyes, and the shape of their lips. These are things that need to be nurtured,developed carefully, and worked on for their entire lives.
Now, I am not talking about babying a child, or even lying to the child. But when my child does something right, I am all about jumping on it and telling her how proud I am of her. I am forever telling them that they can do whatever they want to do and that no one can take away their dreams. That believing in themselves is important and necessary.
I want them to be able to rely on their mental image of themselves when decision get difficult and others try to lead them where they are uncomfortable going. And I want them to reach over others heads and touch those stars they see regardless of who is trying to block their hands.
That, to me, is my most important job.
And when my daughter’s are fake Doctors in a fake hospital, reading lines that someone wrote for them, making sure the camera is angled correctly on their good side, I want to be able to say, “That was my job.” To create that confident, self assured, woman… who knows no matter what she does with her life, mommy will always be proud… and tell her so.
I agree it is the parents jobs to praise their kids. Like you when they do something good, I let them know how proud of them I am. Great post.
You are 100% correct on that one and I probably would have kept my husband up blabbing in his ear about the how the writers' of that show don't know what they're talking about, LoL…or maybe they wanted the audience to hate the mother….
As parents its our job to always be there no matter what. to swallow our pride no matter what. that's just what we do. why? because of something called unconditional love. that doesn't mean I won't tell my son like it is, but I will always support him even if I don't necessarily agree with him.
Positive reinforcement is of course our job! As are teaching skills, social boundaries, and confidence in themselves. We are not responsible for raising children that are 18 years old – we are responsible for raising competent and happy adults and part of that is telling them when they've done well!
I love that show by the way, and I think part of it is that Addison's parents just suck all around and they are showing you can be capable regardless of your parents.
And by the way, Sam, Addy's boyfriend? One of the top two hottest guys EVER!!
I have never seen the show but that comment is rather bothersome to me. It is part of a parents job to lift up their child and praise them. Just as it is a parents job to let a child know when they have done wrong and where they need to improve. My mother has always said to me "I'm your mother not your friend. I will always be friendly but most importantly I'm motherly". What she meant by it was that she would always be there for me and would help me and praise me but that she would always chastise me and teach me right from wrong. It sticks with me now as we struggle with my stepdaughter because her mother is so busy trying to be her friend that she is afraid to be the bad guy when my stepdaughter does wrong. Anyway I know that kind of went off topic sorry LOL. Stopped by from Monday Blog Hop
http://mommywantstoread.blogspot.com/2011/01/monday-blog-hop.html
As a person who watches Private Practice religiously, Addison's childhood is part of why she is screwed up with relationships. Her mother has had a part on here before — yes, the audience doesn't like her. Addison has poor relationships with both parents. She is from a very wealthy family and raised by a nanny. Her mom had a lesbian partner for most of her marriage to her dad, which addison always blamed her dad for the downfall of her marriage with his cheating. it was in her adult life she found out the truth. notice she calls her mom by her first name, not even mom. that describes their relationship. your point though is right on! however, just wanted you to know they aren't displaying this as a healthy relationship. :)
Amen! That is all. I agree 100%!
I totally agree! Good post.
Just had to say it was funny that I was your 200th like and you were my 200th network follower? what are the chances?
I can't agree with you more. I think encouragement and understanding, guidance, etc…in this context is a mother's job. Don't get me started. :-)
Yes, I'm with Kay on this one. Private Practice has never implied that Addison's relationships with her parents were healthy. It was just last season Addison learned that her mother had been in a relationship with that woman, her "assistant" (and Addison had known the woman most of her life through her mom). Her parents have always been distant, but it was her mother who was distant from Addison, and Addison always withdrew from her father because she blamed him for her mother's "unhappiness", etc.
Man, in a normal world, to think I raised a woman as awesome as Addison Forbes Montgomery-formerly Shepherd? I'd make my own mom of the century plaque! :D
LOL!!! Yes – I would too!! If anything, for her uncanny ability to always know what to say… ba bum bum!
Ok – so I did not know the background, agreed. But I still think it is a valid discussion among Moms. I mean, there are moms like that, right? So what makes us not go that direction??
Oh I'm sure there are moms out there like that, dads, too. That's why we need to keep encouraging each other to be the best parents possible. For some mothers, bonding does not come easily. I believe now more than ever we need to implore parents to be better, above the fray. I turned out halfway ok despite my own parents philosophy that kids should just know what is right. That, and I was born again at age 21! It was a wonder I lived to that age as dangerous and carelessly as I behaved for the few years before then. (They thought I was over-parenting my oldest until they saw the difference between their grandchildren.)
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