I have certain inalienable rights.  Rights that are mine alone and have been since my birth.  Rights that I cherish and fight to keep at all costs.

Or at least I did…  until I had children.

Now I have no rights.  I have been stripped, down to the bare carcass of my being, used only to serve, tend to, care for, and answer demands.

OK – so that might be a tad harsh.  A tad.

But the reality of the situation is that I do feel as though all of my basic human rights have gone out the window with the old faded pregnancy tests.

So, I am making a stand.  Right here, on my blog, for all to see.  I am taking my inalienable rights back!  Who’s with me?

My Demands!

I want to pee alone!  Period!  How hard is that?  When you, little girls and toddler that I own, see Mommy head to the bathroom, usually in a sudden rush, brushing by you so quickly that you have to grab the couch to stay standing, DO NOT take that as an invitation to come in and talk to me the entire time I am in there.  No, I do not want you to get my toilet paper for me…  one tiny little piece at a time.  And no thank you, I do not need help pulling down or up my pants, zippering them, or even buttoning them!  And though I know you mean well, I do not need to lift you up so that you can squirt soap in my hands and then help me dry them.  I’ve been doing this a while and I think I have it down pat now.

I want to sit down!  Sometime today is preferred.  On a chair, or comfortable couch, or even a thorn bearing high back chair with “beware of electrical current” stamped across the back.  Anywhere is fine.  And by sit down, I mean for more than 3 seconds, by myself, without toys being thrown at my head.  Or children screaming in my ears.  Just five minutes.  Please.

I want to eat my dinner while it is still warm!  Preferably at the same time you do!  If I give you a plate, a fork, a spoon, and knife, a cup – of your very particular choice – a straw – specified to your color liking, and a napkin, you should be happy.  You do not need the Dora fork over the Princess spoon.  Nor do you need a new napkin to replace the one that has been used to wipe your mouth – or at least close to it – once, and you do not need a green straw because you meant to say green even when you meant blue and got stuck with red. You need to sit, and eat, and leave me the blitherings alone so I can shovel my food in my mouth as fast as possible, get heartburn, feel a little ill, and do the dishes when I am done.

I need showers.  Daily, I prefer.  Showers alone.  By myself.  With no one else.  For an extended amount of time.  While there is still hot water in the house.  I do not need you coming in, sisters in tow, and crowding me out of the warm, possibly soothing, shower stream.  I do not care that you can fill your cup to the brim, dump it over your sister’s head and cause her to scream bloody murder in the sanctity of my shower.  Nor do I care to finally wash my hair after you have decided you are done, step out and yell at me to get you a towel, in the cold water that is left.  Just let me be girls.  I beg you.

I need to get out of this house by myself at least once a month.  When the moon aligns and your father is home and I have the energy and I can get away, please do not come up to me with puppy dog eyes, having dressed yourself in your Sunday best – even if on backwards – after noticing that I might be leaving, and ask me in your most polite voice if you can come with me “Mommy?”  Do not play on my guilt that makes me a pawn in your hands.  Desperately flailing for an excuse that will not send you into hysterics when I leave the house.  Because you know I will take you.  Because I love you.  And we never spend enough time one on one together.  So, I am asking you just out of a pure need to get out alone once in a while.  Save your abandonment issues as a result for your therapist later.

That’s it.  Nothing fancy.  Nothing too complicated.  Nothing that requires you not to be children.

Just a simple request, asking you to please let me have my certain inalienable rights…  back.