I have a guest post today on http://minimalmom.net/. You can find Cambria, the author of this fantastic blog on twitter at http://twitter.com/MinimalMom and on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/pages/minimal-mom/124038074285489?v=wall. Please take a moment to check her out and Thank You, Cambria, for this opportunity!
Raising kids, I have discovered, comes with lots of questions. Will she have blue or brown eyes, straight or curly hair, and will he have his father’s smile? All good questions that eventually get answered.
And then there are the questions that arise that I may never get an answer to. The ones that cause me to tower over my children with my hands up, Mommy Dearest style and scream, “WHHHYYY????”
I have assembled the top 5 in my house, well aware that the top 5 in your house may vary distinctly.
1) Why, oh why, do you rub your eyes, tell me you are tired, curl up on my lap and fall half asleep, only to pop your head up, jump up like you had a gallon of coffee and go absolutely apes when your father walks in the door? And then, after you have properly greeted him and taken any chance he has had to come in and unwind away, do you then fight going to bed for hours on end? You were just tired! GO TO BED!
2) Why, my dear Sarah, do you insist, regardless of the fact that you have been potty trained for close to a year, on removing your clothes and peeing in the middle of my master bedroom? On my new carpet. You must have heard that we got a waterproof pad when we moved in and are testing the theory that it will not absorb your pee. Note to you: it absorbs the odor so STOP IT!
3) Where are your ears? I know you have them. I counted two when each of you were born. In fact, I think you all have my ears (yea God). So, if you have them, why do you insist on not allowing information you clearly hear to be transmitted to your brains? I know you speak english and can comprehend basic instructions. At least, when other people tell you to do something, you do. So, please, if you have not lost them at a friends house and they work, please USE THEM!
4) Why must I help you with every single thing you do? I bet, and I may be slightly optimistic because you are mine, but I bet that you can do that puzzle that you have done 783 times all by yourself by now. And I am almost certain that you are perfectly capable of opening a cabinet and getting your own cup. And I am fairly sure that you can walk across this house to your room without the luxury of my assistance. I have faith in your abilities so please, LEAVE ME ALONE!
5) And finally, my loves. Why can’t you leave each other alone? If you put a toy down 3 days ago and your sister wants to play with it, let her. It is not still yours just because a professional finger printer can prove that you might have actually touched it at one point in your life. If you are not happy with someone playing with something or touching something you have personally deemed as “mine”, come tell me in a civilized voice. Do not pin your sister to the floor, kicking and screaming in fear, causing me to run full speed ahead, trip over said toy, and land with a thud, splayed out like a blob of jelly for all to see. It is not funny. It isn’t. Stop laughing. I beg, with all of my mommy heart, please LEAVE EACH OTHER ALONE!
That is about it for now. But if you talk to me in about a week, I bet I will have 5 more!