**I don’t post guest posts, generally. Most that approach me want to use my reach to have my readers learn about their business. It generally has nothing to do with what you guys want to see. But I got an email from a long time reader who was recently home from work for a week with sick kids. When she found out another mom, who is a stay at home mom, knowingly sent her child to school sick and now her kids have what that child has, she needed an outlet. I think it is a necessary message. Do you agree with this mom?**
An Open Letter to To the Stay at Home Mom Who Sends Her Sick Kids to School
I am a hard working mother of five kids. I get up every morning, get my kids ready for school or daycare, prepare them for any after school activities, carpool with another family to get them where they need to be and absolutely love it. I would not have it any other way. My husband and I both work out of the home and rely on each other, family and great friends to get it all done. While we both have vacation and sick days, we cherish them and want to spend them on vacation with our kids or attending special events. Taking those precious days to stay home and take care of sick children is necessary, but we would rather use them for something else.
School and sick children go together, however. We are aware of that and expect to deal with it. However, when I am overly conscientious of my kids spreading germs to other kids, and even stay home sometimes at the slightest worry that my children may be coming down with something, I recently learned that other mothers are not so thoughtful.
A few weeks ago I dealt with over a week of sick kids. One came home early from school with fever and it spread through the house like wildfire. Everyone was down, including my husband. I had to take 5 of my vacation days to take care of my family. I was fine with it and chalked it up to just having kids until I found out from other moms that a child in the same class as mine that was originally sick came to the school to administer fever medication to her child. The kicker is, the mom is a stay at home and made a comment in passing that she was ‘sick of her kid being home’ so she sent her to school, with a fever, and was there to give her meds to keep it down. The final straw is that I have talked to other moms who know her and she, apparently, routinely sends her kids to school with fever because she ‘needs a break’.
Now, I am an understanding mom. I know we all need a break from our kids. But knowingly sending your sick child to school to possibly spread it to other kids and then admit you are doing it is just irresponsible. While I can not verify that my child was infected by her child, I am still quite angry that she sees this as an option for her.
If you are a stay at home mom and you have the ability to have your kids home until they are well, why would you send them to school where they can infect kids whose parents face a real hardship if their children get sick? Isn’t that the whole point of your being at home? To take care of your kids? Do you understand that most of us would rather be home to and cherish our time with our kids? Thus making memories instead of making them take medications?
I have spent well over $250 taking my kids to the doctor, purchasing medications and other things needed to take care of my kids. Plus I am out 5 days right before summer when I was planning several trips with my family. Now I have to take one trip off the schedule and work when my kids are out of school.
So here is my question. Should I confront this mom? Question why it is OK to knowingly send her sick child to school just because she is tired of her being home?
I am pretty angry, to be honest. Angry enough to go to school officials and report her.
What would you do? Am I out of line in being upset about this?
I don’t think you (guest poster) as a parent should approach the mom, unless you really know her. Then, explain the repercussions it caused. I do think, however, that parents should approach the school with it and the school should approach the parent. They really should have said something to her when she was there to give the medicine.
I do think it is odd that the school did not notice her giving her kids meds. But schools are busy with so many kids these days. Thanks for the idea!!
We don’t have the option here to send ours to school sick if they are in elementary school they aren’t allowed in the school with a fever and if they are discovered with one at school they aren’t allowed back until they have been with out the fever for 24 hours. Our schools here are quick to call you and tell you please come get your child if they are sick even if they just say my tummy hurts it doesn’t matter the schools here won’t let them stay. This is fine except our county has really strict absentee policies and depending on their grade level they can only miss so many days. I do think though if you don’t work there shouldn’t even be a debate keep your kid at home and save those who do have to work.
I agree. I know some moms don’t have a choice, they have to make money for the household. But if you are home, most of the time you should be able to keep the child there. I’ve been in both spots, it’s just tough all around but I would feel so bad if my child infected someone else.
It sounds like you were really frustrated and needed to vent. This SAHM seems to be an easy target for you, are you harboring a lot of resentment against SAHMs in general? Anyway, it seems ridiculous to write a guest post on a mommy blog attacking and shaming her, especially since your grievances are based on second hand information and assumptions. Your time would have been better spent talking to the school about their sick policies.
Thank you for your feedback. I actually know that this mom was a stay at home mom at one point, so I don’t think it was meant as an attack. I’m sorry it comes across that way to you. I’ll keep this in mind for future guest posts.
I agree. She didn’t question whether or not the sahm’s child got this illness from another child at the school. It’s easy to pick a scape goat. Time to deal with it. Kids get sick. They spread germs like mini crop dusters! Husband and other kids getting sick could be blamed soley on her sick child spreading the germs at home and then also on her for not staying on top of sanitizing everything— see how this snowballs into ridiculous things?!
Lori
I would too be frustrated that a MOM period sent her child to school with a fever. This is PAST the sick point. Frustration on your part is not at all out of line. Any mom who sends her child to school knowing they aren’t well is what is ridiculous… this is not about harbored feelings against SAHMs. Seems someone could be guilty. Its about taking responsibility of your children and being responsible and considerate of other people. I bet if someone knew someone had a contagious disease and their kid was around your child you’d think twice about being ok with your kids being around that one??? ….. If you say you’d let your child be around another child knowing he/she will contract sicknesses due to irresponsible actions of your own SHAME ON YOU. You’re just as ignorant as the mom that sent he/she off to infects the others. That’s just selfish… pfft
We as moms know what a fever will do… it will take the wind out of your sails for sure. Why would any mother want to send their child anywhere but into her tlc in their own home to nuture and nurse them back to health at any cost (CERTAINLY IF YOU ARE A SAHM) yes SAHM that’s just LAZY and unloving. I’ve been both a SAHM and a working mom. I missed MANY days of work to care for my children and now my grandbabies. Whether it be the simple cold, a fever, pneumonia to just not feeling good. Its the natural mom thing to do.
If anyone thinks its ok to send off your own sick little one… that is RIDICULOUS!
My girls are 22 and 24 and I have 3 grandbabies 6mos, 3t, 2t that I care for daily. I still help my girls when they’re ill and I’d never send their babies off with a fever. If my girls couldn’t stay with them, I’d take time off to do so.
Momma Bear
I agree. I think that it goes beyond just having to deal with your child,. If you would never let your child hang out with a sick kid, don’t ask other kids to do it. Thank you for your awesome comment!
Good grief! I’m a SAHM who also occasionally works outside the home. I keep my kids home from everything when they’re sick. It’s a stressful thing to deal with multiple sick children when you have schedules and commitments to keep where you work at or away from home. It is common courtesy to avoid public situations when there a risk of infecting someone else. It’s the golden rule people!
I agree!! And we know how bad we feel sick, why would we ask our kids to muscle up if we wouldn’t, you know?
You are not out of line at all! I agree with you 200%! I am super (perhaps overly so) vigilant about making sure that my children do not spread germs to others knowingly. I not only think about spreading it to other children and their working parents, but what about newborns and the elderly? They too cannot afford to come down with flu and fever etc. I am blessed to be a stay at home Mom and I thank God for it everyday. It’s a no-brainer to me that keeping my kids home when they’re sick is part of the benefits of not working outside the home. Sadly in this day and age, no one cares about anyone, but their self. I wish the world were more compassionate and put themselves in others shoes, if they did, I believe we would see less of the selfish behavior in the Mom you described. I would definitely report her.
Thank you. I agree that there are so many more people that could be adversely affected by exposing them to a sick child. A lot of it we can;t help, but if we can, it is our responsibility to make sure we do what we can!!
Your title and the way you wrote the message,making SAHM standout isn’t good.Whether a mother is working or not she is still a mother.I can tell you that its just not SAHMs that are guilty . I do know number of instances where a working mom send her kid to playschool/daycare just because she wanted a break.
And implying that SAHM doesn’t have anything to lose money wise/vacation time by making her kid stay at mom? There are bold choices taken by mothers across the world everyday and some are putting kids before money and even if it means adjusting the budget to one income,giving up careers they worked hard for years..
So if SAHM doesn’t have anything to lose by making her kid stay at home,then working moms don’t even care about their kids.how about that? I personally know of 2 working at home mother families that tried to unload their toddler on another SAHM,just because and never even bother to say hello to her before.
I apologize if it seems one sided. However, this was a working moms point of view that I, also, think is valid. I have been all three – working out of the home, stay at home and now working from home and I understand her frustration. Yes, stay at home moms are not sitting on the couch doing nothing all day. I was never busier that I was as a stay at home mom. But they do that the most flexible schedule compared to working moms. So though I understand how some see this as inflammatory, I see it as a great way to open up and have a healthy discussion about all moms and the expectations we have of each other.
A start of a healthy discussion would be to stop judging each other on second hand information.
I have been all three too,and no matter if we work or not,the responsibility is still the same as mother.
I agree… and this one is sparking a conversation that I see some good and unity coming from. Hard subjects that start off heated can often lead to more positive, accepting results.
Hmmm. It is definitely true that mom’s should never send a sick child to school just because they don’t want to bother dealing with them. However, it’s important we recognize that it’s not always the mom’s fault. I know when I was in middle school I would never tell my mom when I felt sick because I didn’t want to miss class, and have to deal with making everything up. You have a good point though!
Wait, you have FIVE kids you can’t afford to raise without two incomes? And you think the STAHM has a problem? Good grief. I’ve been on both sides of this issue and frankly, it was ridiculous the amount of time I spent running errands and taking care of kids while trying to work. Staying home is no picnic either.. All mom’s are guilty of dropping their kids off at school with the sniffles and a low grade fever.