I was at a girls night recently and a very weird conversation came up among four women. Two divorced, two not. I am not sure how we hit on the topic, I am sure we were chatting about our significant others, but somehow the comment, “People who get divorced just give up!” hit the air.
And hung their, stagnantly, for all of us to watch levitate awkwardly.
And it was one of the previously divorced women who said it. Thus making it more… legitimate? Maybe?
A somewhat serious, but still attempt at a light-hearted conversation ensued. Why do people get divorced? Aside from the obvious reasons of infidelity or abuse or some other unacceptable issue, what could be the reasons?
The other women who had been through one just said that they could not find a middle ground and staying together was becoming toxic to her and their children. So, for their health and the happiness of their kids, they divorced. And she felt, at least, that they were truly better off- especially for the kids – apart. But that the decision was not made lightly and was many, many years in the making.
I have known many a divorcee – enough to where I should have probably thought this comment not so unusual. But of all the reasons, they “feel out of love”, they “were different people” and some just “could not stand another moment of being with that person.” But not one of them exhibited the typical behavior of someone who would give up? At least in the divorces I have know about, all of them have tried. Some for many years. Marriage counseling, endless attempts to reconnect, help from the Church and so on were all avenues couples in distress had taken.
But what struck me the most about this entire conversation was the sentence that then followed.
“What are you going to do if you get tired of your children? Walk out? That is basically what you are doing when you walk out of a marriage.”
This comment stunned me to the point that here I am, several weeks later, and the only way I think I might be able to get this of my mind is to write it up. Really? A divorce – and we are talking one from a seemingly fine marriage with no major issues as mentioned in it – is the equivalent of walking out on your children because you are “tired” of them?
Again, the comment was made by one of the divorcees.
I am sure my mouth gaped wide open and I know I could not speak, but the comment was passed over in the interest of saving the festivity of the night. But it bothers me… to the point of almost tears when I think of it. And I am not the only one that it bothered. A few of the ladies later said they were about to explode!
Has it come to this in our society? Where people are so opinionated and narrow minded that they make blanket statements with no regard to circumstances or others points of view?
And has hypocrisy become a way of life? What happened to consideration, listening to the whole story, understanding and empathy?
I know many people who are happier divorced. I know many people whose kids are happier after a divorce! So how can it be that the parents are automatically deemed quitters and failures?
What do you think? Is our society becoming more open or closed minded? And is it OK to spout your opinion no matter who you are around or what you have experienced personally?
Are people too opinionated these days?
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