My Perfectly ‘Imperfect’ Mother’s Day

May 14, 2013 By 2 Comments

This year marks the first official Mother’s Day I have had as a single mom.  Although, as most moms can attest, sometimes Mother’s Day – even married – feels the same as any other day.  Except maybe you get a card.

But as a newly thrilled single mom, I wanted to make this day as special as I could for my kids.  And for me in the process.

The kids gave me one of the best gifts and slept late. Like 9am late.  That never happens here.  Like… EVER, so the fact that I got to sleep in too was just amazing!  I then opened the awesome gifts the kids made me at school.  A precious handprint from my Megan, a cookbook with lots of yummies from Sarah and a hand print jar from Katie!

mothersPin It

I had tears in my eyes as I drank in their perfection and smiles and listened to the ‘Happy Mother’s Day’s’ that escaped their lips.

The girls wanted to take me to breakfast so we slowly got up, got ready and headed out.  We had a looooooong wait but eventually ate. I gave the girls each money and they announced to the waitress that they were “Taking Mommy out to Breakfast!”  It was the most special I had ever felt on Mother’s Day!

And then it was time for Mother’s Day to continue by taking my girls shopping for summer clothes!  Yep, that is how I roll!  They needed clothes, I wanted to spend time with them, so off we went.

But as we headed into the store I heard an “Ouch” and then a blood curdling scream.  My 6 year old, Katie, had gotten her toe caught under the metal door and sliced two of her toes open.  And they were bleeding… a lot!

I picked her up and calmly – you know that calm, moms – walked to the register where people were turning to see me holding a little girl, screaming at the top of her lungs, blood running from her foot, down her flip flop and onto the floor.

“Does anyone have a bandaid?”, I ask.  The employees just kept checking out, shaking their head’s no.

“Can you tell me where the bathroom is?”

Still no response from  employees.

A mom who was in line checking out handed me a bandaid and told me that the bathroom was around the corner.

Grateful, I carried my still bleeding daughter down the longest hallway in the world and watched as my other two girls followed the trail of blood we were leaving.  I would have smiled at their amazement at how each splotch on the floor got bigger and bigger but I was preoccupied.

We got to the bathroom, Katie screaming, her blue flip flop now red and put her foot, shoe and all under the water.  As i rinsed and tried to calm her there was a knock at the door.

It opened and the manager of the store poked her head in and said… I KID YOU NOT, “I was trying to find you to help you before you dripped blood all through the store!”

No “How is your daughter.”  ”How did this happen?”  ”Anything we can do to help?”

Nope – Just frustration because she could not find me to so I would not soil her floors.  And, to the point, we left a trail… so it was not like we were hiding.

I responded, “I didn’t see you and my daughter needed attention.”

Clearly frustrated, she closed the door to the bathroom and I never saw her again.  I was, later, dumbfounded and a little peeved.

As we got Katie cleaned up, stopped the bleeding and assessed that, other than some nasty cuts, she was fine, I got paper towels and cleaned the blood off of me and then headed out to spot clean the floors.  I ran into a woman mopping and was at least grateful that I did not have to clean every spot back to the front of the store.

And then we went shopping as if nothing had ever happened.

Later as I relived the day, relishing in the perfect imperfection of it, I smiled ear to ear.  Because with the trauma of bleeding through a store, the joy of listening to my girls ‘buy me breakfast’ or the laughter as they watched me open their gifts, I realized that it was just another day in motherhood.  And I will take all the days like that that I can get!

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‘The Best Mom in the World’

March 6, 2013 By 1 Comment

My kids tell me I’m the best mom in the world.  And every time I hear it, I am overwhelmed with joy that they feel that way.

And then I feel bad.  Because I know that sometimes I am not.

Sometimes I am too busy to stop everything and read countless books, them curled in my lap, sweet heads resting on my chest, pages flipping as I snuggle and try to get all three within my arm span.

Sometimes I don’t feel like it when I have picked up a room for the fiftieth time only to have them converge on it and restore it to the cluttered mess it was before.  I am impatient, frustrated and harsh.

Sometimes I don’t feel like it when I have to put their crying eyes in a corner, take away a toy or scold them for talking back.  When discipline takes the place of a hug.

Sometimes I don’t feel like the best mom in the world when a phone call comes in that I have to take, a deadline looms near or the dishes have to be done and they just want me to come push them on the swing.

Sometimes I don’t feel like it when they talk about daddy’s girlfriend and how pretty she is and how much fun they have with her.

And sometimes I have to stop.  I have to realize that God gave me these children to love, teach, discipline, nurture and grow with for the rest of our lives.  And no matter how many time out’s, how many toys are taken away, how many sharp words and how many people that they meet and love….  I will always be their mother.

I will always love them.  Put them first.  Think of them above myself.  Adore them above all but God.

And then I will realize that maybe…. just maybe… to them, I AM the best mom in the world. No matter what.  No matter when.  No matter who.

Because, really, if it were not for them…

I would not be a mom at all.

And being their mom is the best feeling in the World.

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What I Learned While Watching My Children Play

January 12, 2013 By 2 Comments

For about half an hour now I have been sitting quietly at my computer flipping around Twitter and Facebook looking for inspiration to take my blog to the next level.  But I am distracted.  Because for that same half hour, my kids have been sitting in front of my on their tablet playing ‘ guess the Spongebob character’ or some game along those lines that has them laughing and joking and acting like….  children.

So, basically, Heaven is in my house tonight.

girls play

But as I listen – and stop to just stare and smile that television mom smile in their direction every minute or so – the realization that I don’t do this nearly enough, hits.  I don’t watch my children play enough.

Boy, am I missing out!

Not only have they totally been getting along, an event so rare that this possibly needs to be studied by science, but they are funny, cute and actually seem to like each other.  A reality that is not often shown in this house, I won’t lie!

But I am loving the interaction – sans the ‘you’re a bootyhead’ name calling , of course – and I am laughing right along with them as they navigate sisterhood like the amateurs they are.

The age differences have disappeared, there are no oldest and youngest, no taller and shorter.  Right now, playing games with each other, they are just children.  Reveling in being up too late, laughing like hyenas and egging each other into louder screeches of pure happiness.

I am so lucky.

These little girls are teaching each other more about love, support and the joy of life than any television show, video game or even me. And I might even be a little jealous at their closeness, their understanding of each other and their innocence.

As we now return to our regularly scheduled evening of “who is the biggest drama queen”, I say a little Thank You to the Big Man above.  Because tonight I got to watch my children play and was reminded that doing this more often makes life too precious to be mad at.

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How to Raise Children with a Purpose

November 7, 2012 By 2 Comments

Lately I have been giving a lot of thought to how I am raising my children.  Not so much the teaching of good manners, being kind and tolerant to others (needed this Election season for sure), and the proper way to brush their teeth.  But to raise them to understand their purpose in life, their calling and their dreams.

Especially when I can not even define my own.

I was watching a sermon the other day about knowing and defending your dreams and living up to your purpose.  About how to Believe and reach for them.  How to pray the right way so that God can see your efforts and bring the right people in to help you achieve them.  It all sounds so…  ridiculous.

I don’t even know what my dreams are!  I am too concerned with paying my bills, having food in the house, making sure my kids are properly taken care.  I have toilets to clean, debt to crush me, a divorce to handle.

Dreams?  What are those? And my purpose?  Huh?

Once I had them.  I remember that.  I was young and foolish with limited responsibilities.  Things like, “I want to be a Cheerleader“. “I want to graduate from college” and “I want to have children” were all in there.  I achieved all of those.  And for the most part, they all lived up to the hype.

But now what?  What do I want now?  What am I trying to aim for – besides raising well rounded children? How do I reach deep down inside and find a dream that I have and pull it to the surface so that my kids can see me working towards it?  Because we all know that teaching by example is one of the best parenting methods out there.

Now I just want to make the bills, hug my kids, figure out the next step.  Little stuff.  Nothing Earth shattering or impressive, by any means.  The same wants and desires as everyone else.

But maybe that is my dream and my purpose now?  To raise my kids to see theirs.  Maybe my dream is to help my children achieve more than I did?  To accomplish what is in their heart without letting the other stuff come in and suppress it beyond recognition?

And no matter how large or small they seem, support them until they can define on their own what their dreams are. Even when I can now show them how I am doing it too.

In which case, I guess I just do it like anything else I do in motherhood.  Lift my chin, dig in my heels, say a little prayer that I don’t break my nose when I trip and fake it.

And, hopefully, by doing that, I will see my own in them and it will clarify my purpose.

One can only hope.

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How to Raise Children With Laughter

August 3, 2012 By 4 Comments

Lately I have been yelling at my children.  More than once a day.  And this is probably the second or third day in a row that I have.  It seems that no matter how many promises I make to myself every morning, by evening I am done with my resolve.  I yell, getting them to accomplish what I want – generally going to bed – and then spend the evening scouring the internet in complete guilt wondering why an almost 40 year old woman feels the need to yell at three very small children.

And the advice as to how to stop yelling at a 6, 4 and 3 year old is vast.  Divide and conquer, generalize the rules across the board… just grow up and stop yelling!  It can all be all together overwhelming and not helpful at all.

So, today, I sat down and made a list of the things that frustrate me to the point of yelling.  And then I wrote a solution  next to them.  Not an easy task, I will admit.  In fact, it was probably the hardest thing in the world as I had three children and their friend here and the noise was deafening.  And two of mine kept fighting.  And I was tired.

But it had to be done.  I had to come up with a way to solve my bad parenting habit so I could teach my kids to overcome their bad acting up behaviors.   I have, in the past, been consistent with time out, removed favorite toys, ignored bad behavior and – via Michelle Duggar – had them repeat everything 10 times.  All with frustrating results.  So I wanted to come up with something NEW, innovative, effective.  Anything to make me look like a parenting genius instead of a mad woman!

Here is a little of my list.

Problem:  Won’t go to bed
Solution:  Ummmmmm

Problem:  Hits sister
Solution:  Ummmmmmm

Problem: Destroys her room
Solution:  Ummmmmmmm

Problem: Tells me no
Solution: Ummmmmmmm

And then I gave up.

And then I laughed.

Really?  Me, a woman driven by creativity could not come up with one single way to redirect my children to a better outcome when they drive me to complete insanity!

And then it dawned on me.  I am looking at this parenting thing all wrong!  Instead of approaching it as an “I MUST be stern and raise them right now matter what so help me God!“, I should let my carefree, fun loving personality shine through!

Can’t I laugh through raising my kids?  Approach it with a sense of humor instead of a sense of desperation?

So, I tried it.

And come yelling time for bedtime, I took a deep breath, put a smile on my face and attempted to laugh through the repeated coming out of the rooms, the begging to ‘sleep over’ in each others rooms – I promise, this is NOT a good idea – and the constant asking for things, also known as ‘what can I make mom do so I don’t have to go to bed?’ hour.

As they threw tantrums, went limp on the floor to prevent being carried, and ran in circles expecting me to chase them, I just smiled and found humor in their scrunched up faces, their determination not to get some much needed sleep and, even at one point, was full on laughing at the familiar antics.

“Mom, don’t laugh at me!”

OK, so maybe I need to perfect my technique.

But at the end of the battle of the bedtime blues, an hour and a half later, all three girls were in their beds.  There were no tear stains, I was not exhausted from the experience and I felt like I accomplished something really great!

So instead of scouring the internet for tips to help me, I am reading reviews of the latest toys to plan for Christmas.

And that is what I really thought motherhood would be like.

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Ungrateful Children: Nurture or Nature?

June 29, 2012 By 6 Comments

This has been a crazy summer for my kids so far.  I have been ill, as you guys know, so the going and doing has been cut to a minimum.  I try to keep them occupied with other things besides television but – let’s face it – a 5, 4 and 2 year old need activity.

So the day I was released from the hospital I made my husband stop off at the kids cheer gym and dug deep into my scantily lined pockets.  I dropped almost $400 for them to go to cheer camp for 3 days, 9 – 4pm, this week.  Yes, a steep price to pay, but I trust the gym and the activities were non stop.  Cheer, tumbling, face painting, acting, singing, a movie at the movie theater across the street, lunch and so on.  They were geared up to have a wonderful time and I could have an additional week to rest, get caught up and have three days to myself this summer.

We talked about camp for a week.  The girls went to bed early, got up excited, dressed and got ready without fuss and were over all super – DUPER excited about it.

Even Megan, who has never been to pre-school or babysat really, ran in happily to enjoy the fun.

The first day was a short day – I picked them up at 2pm.  I missed them but was glad for the break.  Before I could even get them in the car and ask them how their day was, the begging for MORE started!  ’Mom, can we go to Cherry Berry?’, ‘Mom, can we go to Target?’, ‘Mom, can we go to Walmart and get colors and cookies and toys ’cause we need more!’, ‘MOOOM, we’re bored!!!’

HUH?

No ‘Thank you for the day, Mom.’,   No ‘We really had fun and can’t wait to go back!’, No ‘That was awesome, Mom!  YOU are awesome and the queen of all things fabulous!’  OK – so maybe that is a stretch.  But  a simple thank you would not hurt them.  Especially being raised by a mom who sees good manners and gratefulness for what you have as more important than just about anything else.

The next two days were the same thing.  Except they were late days.  I did not pick them up until 4pm.  But even exhausted the demands to give more, do more, have more started before we even got into the car.  I’ll be honest, I almost cried with frustration at their ungratefulness.

Now, before I go on, I will say that, I really REALLY try not to spoil my kids.  I am of the thought process that kids should be told no and often lest they drain me of my entire retirement fund trying to get bigger and better things.  Besides, between birthday’s, holidays and other trinkets they get throughout the year, I could go forever not having to purchase anything from them but clothing.

And food.  They have to be fed.  It’s the law.

So when we are in a store and they ask for things, overwhelmingly the answer is NO!  And NO… and NO… and ‘you don’t need that’… and NO!  So I really do not understand why my kids think that they get to have everything that they want, no matter what?

So the question is:  Are ungrateful kids the product of Nature or Nurture?

I see on Facebook almost daily moms complaining that their kids are ungrateful.  That they bleed them dry with “I want” and “Can I have” and “Give me that”! I am inclined to believe that these are really good moms that set reasonable boundaries so it has to be nature that causes this ungrateful trait in kids.

However, I also see moms that give their kids anything and everything they want and they say Thank You and I appreciate it and they take care of what they get.  Instead of flinging them against the wall just to see if they would ‘hold up’ to the structure.  True story.

So they must nurture their kids to be grateful for what they have and get.

If it is nature, then how do I pay nature off to take this trait away?  And if it is nurture, what am I doing wrong?  And if it is both, can you please send me a bottle – and by bottle I mean case – of wine.

Because if I hear one more time that the ‘$400 week at cheer camp is over so what are you doing for me next?’, I might just have to run screaming from the house to the nearest insane asylum.

And parenting class.  ’Cause clearly I am doing something wrong!

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