Lately I have been giving a lot of thought to how I am raising my children. Not so much the teaching of good manners, being kind and tolerant to others (needed this Election season for sure), and the proper way to brush their teeth. But to raise children to understand their purpose in life, their calling and their dreams.
Especially when I can not even define my own.
I was watching a sermon the other day about knowing and defending your dreams and living up to your purpose. About how to Believe and reach for them. How to pray the right way so that God can see your efforts and bring the right people in to help you achieve them. It all sounds so… ridiculous.
I don’t even know what my dreams are! I am too concerned with paying my bills, having food in the house, making sure my kids are properly taken care. I have toilets to clean, debt to crush me, a divorce to handle.
Dreams? What are those? And my purpose? Huh?
Once I had them. I remember that. I was young and foolish with limited responsibilities. Things like, “I want to be a Cheerleader“. “I want to graduate from college” and “I want to have children” were all in there. I achieved all of those. And for the most part, they have all lived up to the hype.
But now what? What do I want now? What am I trying to aim for – besides raising well rounded children? How do I reach deep down inside and find a dream that I have and pull it to the surface so that my kids can see me working towards it? Because we all know that teaching by example is one of the best parenting methods out there.
Now I just want to make the bills, hug my kids, figure out the next step. Little stuff. Nothing Earth shattering or impressive, by any means. The same wants and desires as everyone else.
But maybe that is my dream and my purpose now? To raise my kids to see theirs. Maybe my dream is to help my children achieve more than I did? To accomplish what is in their heart without letting the other stuff come in and suppress it beyond recognition?
And no matter how large or small they seem, support them until they can define on their own what their dreams are. Even when I can now show them how I am doing it too.
In which case, I guess I just do it like anything else I do in motherhood. Lift my chin, dig in my heels, say a little prayer that I don’t break my nose when I trip and fake it.
And, hopefully, by doing that, I will see my own in them and it will clarify my purpose.
One can only hope.
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**Originally published 11/7/2012**
This struck a real chord with me. You are so right. Raise your children. Help them to collect things–even He-man toys or comic books. Collecting is an exercise is self-discipline, delayed gratification, building something over time. Feed their interests whatever they are. Feeding their interests by buying books, going to museums, watching documentaries (whatever) demonstrates that their interests are important, teaches them how to learn, and reinforces self-confidence. Give them music–whole dissertations have been written about good that comes from kids learning an instrument or learning to sing or dance. Teach them science. The real world and the way it really works is a marvel. Teach them to care–about others, about the world. Then put them out into the world to be good people. One of mine is a doctor. One is a Chemist, another a mechanic. Another teaches piano. A couple are stay-at-home moms. All are good people. If someone has big dreams or lofty goals, by all means I hope they pursue those with energy. I have just come to question how it is we define “lofty goals.” I think putting good people into the world is a wonderful thing—maybe the most important thing.
I have tears in my eyes. Thank you for letting me have a small rant :)
As a sinhle dad this really got me thinking. Thankfully I am blessed enough yo be able to still chase my dreams and believe that it wi have a positive influence on my children. I also believe that if I can raise them to think for themselves and know that anything is possible they will go as far in life as they choose to.
Exactly! There are too many sheep out there. And you know what happens to sheep… they get lead to the slaughter.
Ah they are so cute in their skates and you are doing a great job! I try to raise my kids with a positive attitude and open mind and always support whatever my daughter wants to try.
This is quite thought-provoking. Like you, I tend to think in more day-to-day and practical terms. It’s almost like I flipped a switch when I had kids, that changed the course of my “dreams.” My dreams are about my kids being healthy and safe and happy…and that’s not a bad thing. Right?
I support whatever decisions that my kids make. I think it is important for them to know they can do anything they want to.
What an inspiring post. How cute are they too? Thanks for this, it’s always great to reflect on how we are doing as parents.
My son’s kindergarten “what he wants to be when he grows up” was a worker at Disneyland. ;) It’s great to encourage our children to do what they love and reach for their dreams.
This is a wonderful post. I wrote some time ago about living with purpose and I have to admit that it isn’t an easy thing to do always. I try though and am trying to get my kids to understand and do the same.
What a great post, I love to see parents who do everything they can to support them and cheer them on through things! I never had a mom who supported me, and I think it is so important to do that!
One of the best parts of motherhood is seeing your children grow up and achieve their dreams. That’s when I feel the most purpose in my own life.
While I’m not a mother, I totally get what you’re saying. When I see my nephew step up and do good things, I feel really proud of how much input I’ve had in his life.
I like to think we are super-supportive… our little man is hoping to be the next Michael Phelps… ha!
I give you props for being such a good mom for your three girls. I think as long as we lead by example our kids can see that anything is possible.
Exactly. We can tell our kids how to act all day long, but what they really learn from is our actions.
What a fun and exciting night for your family. Wish you could come and do that for us.
This was a really great post! Although, all yours are!
I think raising kids to listen to their hearts, think things thru before acting and following their dreams is always the way to go. As parents, we need to support their hopes, wishes, dreams… allow them to make choices and yes, even fail. It’s all a learning experience. Pick ’em up, and keep them going on a good path.
Something tells me you’re doing just fine!! ;)
You’re a fantastic mom and you’re showing your girls how to be strong, caring women, and showing them how much they are loved! Good job, momma!!
The best dream a parent can have is to see them do better than they did. You’re a totally awesome mom!
Hang in there mama. It sounds like you’re having some tough times. Your kids will be strong just like you — you can face the good times and the bad together.
Awwww….Very cute pic! Yes. Being a mom is very hard, but when you look at your kids, that’s what keeps us going. The children are your purpose! You’re doing great, I’m sure!
That is an adorable photo…and a beautiful post. I have a dear friend going through a divorce right now and she like you can’t even imagine finding a dream right now. Chin up! I am sure you are doing amazing!
I struggle with this issue. I think the best we can do is to do our best and lead by example.
It sounds like you answered your own question. Right now is enough.
You are doing an awesome job. I can only hope the same thing for my kiddos.
we do what we can :) the rest? gravy. thanks for sharing
Just recently I realized that I was so busy doing the day to day life/raising children stuff I wasn’t doing anything I enjoyed anymore. I’ve been making changes go my life, just small ones that don’t really take that much effort, and I’ve been happier for it. Great post.
I think we all go threw periods where we question ourselves. Your Kids look so happy in the pictures. You are doing a great job.
I question myself all the time. I always hope I’m doing the right things. You seem to be right on track!
i would be more worried if we didn’t have times when we question ourselves. i think it makes us stronger!
I hope that my daughter is happy and accomplishes as much if not more than her parents.
I find myself questioning what my dreams are too. I am always busy worrying about my family and not much about myself.