I am a good mom.
A really good mom.
I make mistakes. I don’t get it all right and I am proudly not Carol Brady.
But my kids are loved, cared for and spoiled in the right ways on a daily basis.
Lately, it seems, it is open season on motherhood for me. From Facebook comments to snide remarks from people in my life that have no idea what our life is like on a daily basis to strangers making passing observations – it is all enough to make me scream. The strange thing is… I don’t see why. Why do people judge others that they know nothing about?
Sure, I put my life out here on this site and I share even more on my Facebook page, but does that mean that I get to be told that my parenting skills are lacking just because they are not like someone else’s? Just because I laugh hysterically at my young daughter screaming at me to get up and play with her, does not mean I need to be ridiculed and told that I will pay for it later. Or that I need to be my kids parent, not their friend… a popular sentiment that has been so far taken out of context with overuse, it is almost laughable.
I am also not that mom that can not lay down any rules. My kids have very clear rules, a corner for time out, punishments that stick. I can not let them run wild… they will run all over me. I am confused by the non-schooling trend that is picking up steam. Confused by the ‘let the kids raise themselves’ lifestyle that I was lectured on the other day. In my personal opinion, kids need education, structure and discipline to thrive. But having an opinion does not mean I have the right to JUDGE!
I am somewhere in between, if I had to define my parenting style. I get no greater joy that laughter with my children. Whether is be a family activity or just sitting on the couch watching their latest skit. I harbor no guilt for laughing at them when they are testing their limits. I think it is funny. Partly because they are so impassioned about it… party because they have clearly forgotten who they are dealing with and have forgotten I am Queen Mommy. But mostly because that is the spontaneous, human reaction that I have. I would venture to guess that we have all had reactions others would not approve of. Done things that other’s would not understand. But to take one action and assume my parenting style is wrong is, well… WRONG!
I am my kids friend. They are my best friends. But I am also their parent. Their mom and their dad, raising them to be wonderful, amazing people who can contribute confidently to the world… and still laugh at themselves when they do something that may not be perfect.
Every time I get a compliment about how well behaved they are, how kind they are to others, how well mannered they are and how sweet they are to animals, the words of people who do not know me – or have the desire to get to know me – run through my head. I want to make the person complimenting them go back and share their thoughts on camera so I can say ‘SEE!! They are good kids!’ — despite my inability to fit my round parenting style into someone else’s square ideal.
Parenting is hard enough without standards being thrown on us that are completely unattainable. There is no perfect parent. There are parenting styles some of us would like to emulate. There are moms we look at and want to be like. There are times that we WISH we had those moms who seem to have it all together here to help us.
But there is no perfect parent. No ‘perfect’ parenting style that is better than any other. No judgement that will make me think there is.
And thank God for that.
Because if we all spent all of our time aiming to meet standards others put on us, we would miss what is right in front of us.
Our children.
You are a wonderful mother! It is obvious your girls love you more than anything. Your girls are happy and healthy, isn’t that what every parent wants for their children? You are doing an amazing job and I applaud you for doing it all on your own.
Aww thank you so much. :)
Yes I agree with you. As women we should embrace and support each other (agree to disagree). Rather we seem to compare and dissect other ways of parenting and them because they are different than ours assume theirs is wrong. I am raising my kids the best way for our family, some may think it is weird or unconventional, they should just keep those thoughts to themselves and worry about their own kids.
I agree 100%. Moms are too hard on each other
It happens so much and it’s ridiculous how some people judge other people when they have NO idea what goes on behind the scenes.
I agree 100%. Support, not judgement, is what we all need!
Facebook has been making me feel like a crap mom lately. I already have enough mom-guilt since I work from home and my two preschoolers demand my attention all day without actually getting it. :( Thanks for the good word.
I agree – Facebook can be so harsh and judgemental! I hope this post let’s people know that it is so not necessary!
Sorry but i did laugh at your video myself as youngest daughter acts like that and i laugh i mean what should we do shout at them lol.Anyway as i always say forget what other people say as long as your kids are happy and have all their needs met who is anyone else to Judge how you raise them.Even if i did not agree with someone i respect their choice it is their child not mine at the end of the day.I get so angry with people telling others what to do when they can not even look after their own kids.
I laugh at it still! And I think people always need to think before they type!!
I’m not sure where this trend of judging other moms has come from, but I have seen it a lot myself. No two kids are alike, and when I see people acting like there is only one way to parent it just rubs me the wrong way. This was a great post, thanks for sharing.
You are so welcome. Thank you for commenting!
Even Carol Brady had help – remember Alice!? :) We have to do what works for us.
lol – yes – I need an Alice :)
Parenting is tough, and I’m amazed by the “perfect” moms. I’m pretty certain those moms just aren’t sharing the bad moments. :)
I could not agree more!!
I agree 110% with you on this. No mom or parent can be perfect and whoever thinks they are is fooling no one but themselves! Just because you are being honest and showing your family as they are, no one should criticize you for that!
Thank you!! I am so happy to have the support!!
You just need to tell those other moms to shut up!! I can think of no other words that fit as good as those. We all need to learn to support each other instead of taring each other down.
I could not agree more!!
I’d like to be a fly on the wall in some of those “perfect” moms homes. I’m sure there are plenty of skeletons in their closets.
Yep!! In fact – they might have more than those that are honest about it!
I agree that judging when we disagree doesn’t help much. I also agree though, that for my children structure, education, and consistency are important.
Yep – I agree as well. Sometimes, you have to laugh though
People judge so much these days because they can. Social media makes it easy to put ourselves out there and their is always going to be someone who does not agree with what we do. We are all so different. Plus, it is easy to judge things we know nothing about. Social media gives usually silent folk a voice and loud folk an even louder platform. No one is perfect. If folks think they can do a better job, I like to tell them to show me just how perfect and free from error they really are. Usually a challenge shuts them down.
They totally should do a video series of they think one style of parenting is perfect!
Sad this happens. Wrong as it is… it is usually the imperfect ones who feel they must bring others down to their level.
Isn’t that the truth!!!
No one is perfect. Plus, I think that parenting advice from strangers on a social network doesn’t work as they don’t know you or your children.
Yep yep yep!!!
Good for you and well said. Who’s business is it anyway. As long as your kids are loved and sheltered, you can do it your way. And I am glad to hear someone besides me say that it is all right to have our kids our friends as well as our children. I so agree with you.
Thank you – I am so glad to know there are more like me out there!
applause!! applause! there’s not a lot of black and white in life!
Thank you!!
Where is all this mommy war stuff coming from? I keep seeing this everywhere. I just wish people would let each other live their lives and be the mom that their kids need and not worry about being judged
I think social media gives people a platform to spout without thinking!
It is so hard to be a mom today! There are so many people willing to point fingers and pass judgement. We all should be supporting each other!
Yep – we need to start a movement!! Lol
I love that you said that you are friends with your kids! I hate the whole “you can’t be your kids friend” crap. That is crazy! Kids listen to their friends- so why not be friends with them to help with the parenting??
Thank you!!!!! I think you can be both and should be both!!
Noone is perfect. We can all only try to be the best person (and parents) we can be. It’s not someone else’s place to judge, particularly if they aren’t in your shoes.
Yep – In fact, I think more understanding would be warranted!
Facebook lets people say things they would never tell someone in person. It’s easy to judge when there’s a computer screen or phone in front of you and no one can see you.
Yep – and I actually think this is a disadvantage of technology!
I love this! No one is perfect….being a great parent means trying your best!
Exactly!! And we all have different kids!
I love when people tell you that you should be harder on your children because if nowadays if you look at your kid funny Social Services is there in a heart beat. So which set of people telling you how to raise your kids is right? Who do you try to please? Personally from what I’ve seen and read on your blog you’re doing a great job, you keep doing it ;)
You are so kind Cassie!! I am doing the best I can and learning every day!
I love this post! Everyone has their two cents on how you should parent these days!
Thank you so much :)
I think every parent should do what works best for them. It’s just insane how many people have an opinion on the parenting subject. Even those who don’t have kids! I may not agree with everybody’s parenting choices, but I would never tell them how it “should” be done from my point of view.
Agreed!! Why can’t we just all be supportive?
The rage of the Mommy battles really tires me. Seriously, unless a parent is placing their child’s well being in harms way, others need to zip it.
THANK YOU!
The ending statements are so true! If we’re so worried about everyone else, we miss those moments with our kids
oh goodness I needed this! I am in this stage in life where I feel like everyone is judging my motherhood. I am a mother of two girls ages 2 and 3 they are only 18 months apart. My hands are always full! I feel like a chicken with its head cut off sometimes. But I do try my hardest to be the best mother in my ability!
As a mom of 3 girls, the 1st 2 14 months apart and the third 20 months from the second, I stand and applaud you on your dedication and mommying. *It is never easy!! *
I really needed to read this. We all try to be the best mom we can.
Amen! I’m always amazed when people think they have the right to tell others how to parent. We are all doing what we feel is best for our children!
I know!! It’s like everyone HAS to be right!!
YES! Love this SO much. We are all the best moms we can be, at least most of us and that’s all we can do is be the best us:)
This is so true. It’s sad that as mother’s we judge other mothers. No one knows what goes on other then the snidbits we share. So we aren’t bad moms. Kudos for posting this!
So true! I love your first statement. We live and learn as we go, there were no instructions yet I know my boys are happy as well. I might not have a lot but what I have a lot of “LOVE” that seems to be worth more than money
Love this post! I think it is important to make sure that we do not judge ourselves top harshly either–that tends to be MY weakness. I am my own worst enemy and harshest judge!
I think those “perfect moms” have something to hide! We do the best we can, and no one is perfect!
you are a great mother i love seeing pictures of your little girls they are so cute. I like the way you are raising them to be happy and healthly. Keep the good work up and keep sharing !
Thank you so much!!
I simply adore you and I love your parenting style!! Keep up the amazing job that you are doing…. your daughter’s seem like pretty amazing little ladies!!! <3
You just made my day!! I so appreciate you and your taking the time to comment!!!