About once a week, a dear friend and I take our kids out to dinner together. We like to take the kids to a place where they can run around a little, play a little and just be kids. There is one place in our town that we love. The parents can sit under cover and watch their kids play in a large open area. They absolutely love it! If you follow me on Facebook, you see me there a lot. It is fenced in and the food is great too!
Last night I loaded up my girls and headed out. Unfortunately, upon getting there, I find out that they are in the midst of a bee infestation. Going to plan B, we head to another place with a play area, though much more sandy. Already planning for it to be a ‘hose them off in the driveway’ kind of evening, we released the kids to go climb the sand hills and play with abandon.
All was well. We were some of the first ones there, got a great table that gave us full view of our kids and the play area and ordered some appetizers.
About thirty minutes into relaxing, a little boy about 4 or 5 walked up to the large, oscillating fan behind my friend and attempted to put his fingers in to the fan. It was on and not child proof. I fully expected a parent to rush over and remove him from the danger. Not seeing a parent around, and being of the mindset that I would rather be yelled at by an adult than call 911 for a child with an injury, I told him in my mommy voice not to touch it.
He looked at me, thought about it and tried again. A little firmer, I told him not to do it. Still, no parent around at all. I think my voice stopped him because he turned around and walked into the play area.
Counting heads to make sure all of my kids were OK, and not throwing sand, I went back to chatting with my friend. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw the same little boy walk up to a table not far from me. There sat four adults, beers in hand, talking to each other. I went back to my dinner and figured he would not be back to the fan.
A little while later I checked on my kids again and noticed the little boy in the play area with a 5 foot bamboo stick he had found. Now, this thing was at least three times taller than he was. He seemed to be trying to draw in the sand with it. My mom radar went up and I looked over at the table that held his parents. All four adults were still deep in conversation. I watched for a while to see if one would look up and notice the boy with the stick. I must have watched for over 5 minutes while my friend kept an eye on our kids. Not one adult looked up once.
Next thing I know, my little one is running towards me, crying and holding her head. Through her tears I found out the little boy had hit her in the head with the stick. All the tables around me turned around to look at my screaming daughter. But the table that held his parents did not notice at all, and they were not that far away.
Once I calmed her down, I marched out to the play area and told the little boy – who had now climbed with the stick to the top of a sand hill and was swinging it around, barely missing kids heads and faces – and told him to give me the stick. He looked at me like I was crazy. I told him again and he ignored me. So I marched half way up the hill and took it from him. Fully expecting one of his parents to come up behind me and take over, I turned and gave their table a direct stare. Nothing… they did not even look up.
I took the stick and tossed it far away from the play area where he could not retrieve it. By the time I got back to the table, my girls were there eating and told me that the little boy was mean and taking things from kids, throwing sand and just being ‘super mean mommy’.
A few minutes later, I heard, ‘NO, stop that!! Put it down!’ It was coming from a dad that was sitting with his wife at the table behind me. I looked up and the same little boy had found another, smaller stick and a sand bucket and was walking towards a little girl, stick in the air, about to clock her over the head with it. The dad was out there before he could swing and took the stick from the boy.
Again, everyone else looked up at the scene but no parent from that table looked or paid any attention. And this man was LOUD!
After that incident, the server came over and talked to us. She said she had MANY tables complaining about the little boy and would alert the manager to the situation. Next thing we know, the manager is at the table telling the parents that they need to watch and control their child.
I watched as the parents seemed truly stunned that this little boy had affected so many of the restaurants patrons. I mean, they really looked shocked! Which shocked me!
After the manager warning, I noticed that the dad either had the child with him or was in the play area with him. So I suppose I can chalk this experience up to just ‘I finally have a night out with friends’ oblivion?
But honestly, I am a little peeved at the parents. I know that I should have probably gone to them when the little boy hit my daughter on the head. So I take some of the blame for not putting a stop to it earlier.
However, if you take your child to a place where other children are and never once turn around to see where they are or what they are up to, aren’t you sort of falling down on your job? I mean, forget that he was hurting other kids. What if HE were hurt or someone came along out of the back parking lot and took him? How would you even know?
So, I ask, please – to the parents who don’t watch their kids in public… please stop it! If you want to have a night out with adults, hire a sitter. We all need those. But if you go to a family place with other kids and ignore them and they cause problems with other patrons, so many things can go wrong.
What do you think? Do you think I handled things incorrectly? How do you react to the oblivious parent at a restaurant?
To be fair, this is one instance (unless you’re aware of other instances with this child and his parents) where the parents not paying attention. Parenthood has taught me so many things, and more things to come, I’m sure, but boy have I learned empathy. The one thing I noticed about your story, that you spent the least amount of time pondering, was how stunned the parents were to learn their child had run amok. Now, there could be lots of reasons why, including the child being annoyed at his parents for not paying attention, and causing trouble to get it. But unless I hear from the parents, or you can provide other instances of non-supervision, I’ll let my mind consider lots of reasons why they weren’t watching this one day.
I absolutely see your point and agree that it is totally valid. I should have put that we were there for over 2 hours and it was the last 15 minutes that the dad was notified. So if I were at a place, I would want to know where my kid was for that long. And I do say this could have just been an ‘I finally out’ moment. I am generally empathetic to parents, this just seemed to go way too far for way too long, in my opinion :)
There are no excuses in my book for when a child hurts another and the parents take no notice. If your child feels the need to hurt himself, while I don’t want him to, that is up to you to stop your child. However he should never be allowed to get mine or others. You need a night out that’s totally understandable then take a night out and get a sitter! Do not expect your child to supervise themself and use the excuse “I needed a night out” as though that justifies your child’s bad behavior.
I agree – like I say in the piece, we all need one. But if you are not watching your child, horrible things worse than this can happen!
I am very Mama bear when it comes to my kids. I would have probably done the ex
I am very Mama bear when it comes to my kids. I would have probably done the exact same thing. Although the right thing to do would have been to go over and get his parents attention after he tried sticking his fingers in the fan. Especially since he didn’t want to listen the first or second time. That being said I don’t think you handled the situation wrong. It doesn’t matter if as a parent you needed “a day out” you still keep an eye on your kids or get a sitter.
Anytime my husband and I go out if I’m not watching our kids he is. If I have to walk off I vocalize that I am stepping away so keep an eye out.
Men in general do not have that mothering instinct and for the mom not to have noticed any of this, as wrong as this sounds, doesn’t say much for her. I do hope they learned something from this experience.
I agree that men tend to get sidetracked. This dad, once notified, was the only one paying attention though. The mom just seemed lost in what she was doing.
I think the parents didn’t care what the boy did as long as he did not bother THEM. Don’t understand people like that.
I have been reading a series about mommys around the world and how they parent. One thing we americans do different from other countries is we forget it takes a village. It is very common in other parts and even expected for all the adulta to contribute in “parenting” to the kids that are near them.
That being said Inhave no problem correcting kids that are play in ways that are disruptive to the kids around them especially when it’s mine. The first time it happens I will correct the child the second time it happens I will ask the child where are your parents and take the child to the parents and say did you know that this is going on this way they are now aware that other people are watching and that we would like it if they watched as well.
Also I have found sometimes that some children are very spoiled and their parents do not correct them so if I have already corrected them with this matter they kind of know that I’m going to call them on it and the behavior is not acceptable.
I know the post is about public places but I just had my son’s birthday party yesterday, and 24 hours later I am still upset at parents that came to the party stayed and did not bothered to check on their kids….I do not mind the parents staying and I welcome that but it should not be taken as an opportunity to go talk to other parents and leave the host to deal with your unruly child…or use her or him as a sitter!! One of the kids ate so much he ended up throwing up and the mom knew he was not supposed to eat so much because of condition he has…I felt embarrassed to stop him from eating so the payment was a horrible mess.
Oh wow… yes, you are right to be frustrated. I have hosted many a party at my house and am amazed at how many parents just let their kids run wild here. Parenting does not stop when you enter a public place, including a friends house. I am sorry this happened at the birthday party :( They would not be invited back for sure!
I’m astounded by the poor parenting I observe where I live. We live on a very busy street and we have kids about age 8, 9 and10 riding their bikes and skateboards in the middle of the street. Cars come through beeping and they don’t move. People come to complete stops and throw their hands up in the air. I personally drive in the opposite lane as long as no cars are coming to avoid hitting them. The streets are for cars not kids. We have sidewalks, backyards and grassed common spaces where they can play. We are just feet from a grass playing field where they can play. These parents are never home or they never come out to make sure their kids are behaving properly. It’s like they either don’t see the issue or they don’t care. These kids come close to damaging vehicles in the street too. It makes me think a child will be hit before the parents start paying attention.
I used to work at Chuck E. Cheese in Salem, Oregon and it is infested with parents like the one’s you described above—IF NOT WORSE. At least once a week someone would leave a used baby diaper on the Pizza tray that needed to go through the hot dishwasher and back out on your table. I can’t think of anything more crass and disgusting. The worst job was cleaning out the plastic ball tub where kids would freely urinate. I wouldn’t let my kid play in a ball tub after that.
Oh my GOSH!!! I can not even imagine what it is like to work in a place where parents are so disrespectful!! UGH!!