I don’t believe in love. There… I said it. I don’t believe in the fairy tale ‘girl meets boy, they fall in love, boy asked her to marry him, they live happily ever after’ life that has been embedded into girl’s heads for generations. I might have at one time. A long time ago, possibly. Long before the drama of real relationships shattered that image. Before my ex-husband stood in front of our new neighbors, virtual strangers, at my daughter’s 5th birthday party that I worked tirelessly to create, and shared that he was in love with another woman and always had been. Marrying me had been a convenience. A way to have the image of a family life he thought he had to have. A way to be taken care of so he did not have to make any hard decisions on his own. Long before the photos of other women showed up on his phone. Long before he ripped the images of a happy, healthy family out of my head and tore it to pieces.
I kicked him out almost two years ago and just CELEBRATED the one year anniversary of the divorce being final and still have zero desire to let any man into my life at all. I have been on dates… dates with very successful, intelligent handsome men that at one time I would have swooned over for attention. But I find myself sitting across the table picking apart the conversation. Trying to find the cracks where the lies come in. Trying to decide if he is worth the effort or if he is just in it for a brief, unsustainable, good time. They all have ended with my relief to go home alone, curl up in my home, safe from the damaging effects of words that I know so well.
In fact, I accept less dates now and find myself canceling them when I do make them. I stop replying to emails and texts and just have no desire to let any drama into my home. My kids are off limits completely to any man, no matter what, as they are still healing from the immediate introduction of another woman just weeks after I made the ex leave. I have a determined stance not to put them through that on my end. To provide a stable home where the lifestyle is constant. I’ll let the ex be the one bringing woman after woman into their lives as he continues his trek through women he can take advantage of.
Maybe I am bitter. Maybe I am unfairly accusatory and taking it out on other men I meet. Maybe I am too hardened to the false image perpetuated in the movies and on TV. Maybe… but I doubt it. I think I am just a realist and after 41 years have figured out that I am one of those people that just does better on her own.
Except that I am not.
I could not live, breath, function, love without my children.
LOVE.. .true, abandoned, pure, innocent love comes from my children. My three rays of sunshine on a cloudy day. My three joys I get up for. My three excuses to lay around and cuddle despite a sink full of dishes. My three reasons that I am motivated to be a better woman, mother and person. My lessons in life that love is real. True, fairly tale, unrequited love.
Children hold me in their little arms tighter than any man. They kiss me with an outpouring of love and affection like no one ever has. They snuggle with me, holding tightly to my hand, only wanting to get closer in a large bed. They look me in the eyes, want to share my day. Tell me truths without a single thought of a lie (yet… the teen years are coming fast!) They need me, want me and cherish me as much as I cherish them.
The love between a mother and a child is the true love that we all seek in our lives. The trump to heartache. The remedy to disappointment. The proof that magical things do exist on this Earth at any time… any where. It is the purest of love. The most enthusiastic of emotions. The life affirming depth of the soul love that romance novels try to recreate.
These children, my children, that came from me, rely on me, live with me, care for me, are me… are the reason that I do believe in love. They erase the bitterness, lift my heart, create my smiles.
They are my true loves.
So, no… I don’t believe in love. Not the manufactured, you must be in a relationship, must do the hard work to maintain it, love that is peddled in books, TV and perpetuated by those who have to believe it is real to get by.
But I do believe in love. In it’s purest, untouched, refreshing reality.
In children.
Such beautiful thoughts. I’ve been married for ten years but stand firm that the real love in my life comes from my child. I love my husband but my child’s love is different and pure. It’s organic and asks little of me. Thank you for such a thought provoking post.
You are so welcome! Thank you for taking the time to read it and comment!!
There is no love like the love of our children, I always say to my husband that he is replaceable – my children are not.
I’m sorry you were burned so badly and still carry it in your heart. Let it go and let that love you have for your babies shine! :)
Thank you!! They are all I need :)
I hate that you had to experience that with your ex-husband. The love for our children is definitely true love. I do believe in love, though, with the right person. (And I’m so glad I didn’t marry the one person I thought was “the” one many years ago!)
Oh yes!! Missing that bullet is a good thing! LOL
I am sorry you went through such hurt No one deserves to be treated like that.My kids are my life i do not think i could love anyone as much as them.
I’m sorry you had such a rough time. You are right, there is no love like the unconditional love from a child.
Love does take work and dedication. I love the unconditional love of a child.
I actually had to stop reading your post and come back later because I knew it was one I wanted to word every single word of. I feel like after reading this we are practically the same person. Our experiences sounds so similar and here I was thinking I was alone. I went through the same thing with my ex husband and while I only have one child, she is absolutely the only thing I care about. No man could ever replace the love I have for her and there is nothing better than going home and snuggling up with her at night. I always remember one thing when thinking about my past and that’s KARMA. Karma takes care of everything in the end. Be strong and thanks for sharing this post. It made my day :)
Thank you so much for your words and reminding ME that I am not alone!! I am shocked at how many experience the same thing!
I always wanted to believe in the happily ever after, but really it does not happen. I love my husband, but it is not a happily ever after and it takes tons of work. The love I have for my boys is so different and I could never imagine my life without the in it. As my mom always told me there is no love like the love between a parent and a child.
I am sorry you went through the ordeal with your ex husband. No one deserves to be treated {or should I say mistreated} like that. I come from a family that places a high value on family. It is all about the kids. I love my children more than anything and I know that I can be coo coo for cocoa puffs when it comes to them. But I do also believe in the fairy tale love. Marrying your best friend and sharing love, laughter, and a life. How could I not, I married my best friend. And although it is not unicorns tooting rainbows all day every day, I feel blessed to have been gifted this life and the opportunity at this type of happiness.
I don’t believe in fairy tales, but I sure do believe in love. Especially in children.
I’m so sorry, what a horrible experience! I’m so glad you have such an amazing love with your children!
Your kids are blessed to have you as their mom. Keep on rockin’ motherhood.
Focusing on you and your kids is the right thing for you right now. It took me about two years to be in the right place to date with an open heart. I’ve been remarried for 17 years, so I was able to be convinced in romantic love again, and I’m glad of it.
I did a post last week called “Shoutout to my Ex” and I kind of understand where you are coming from. Going on dates and then midway dissecting the BS that is being fed to me or trying to really depict his motives which I am seeing in my mind are not genuine.I wasn’t married nor do I have kids, but I think it was horrible for your ex to feed you a lie because of his version of a fairytale life was for selfish reasons. I can see how that can make your heart a little tainted but try not to make it too black because of him because he is living his life…you don’t need a man to valid you but don’t block love if it comes to you either. Love comes when you arent looking hard anyways but its beautiful that you are finding solace in your children!
I’m so sorry you had such a horrible experience in love. The love of children is a very different kind of love than love between a man and a woman. Perhaps one day you will be ready again.
Whoa! I wasn’t expecting that at all. I think that after what you’ve been through, the way you feel is to be expected. That’s a lot do deal with and opening yourself up after that… yeah, I understand your feelings.
Thank you so much for allowing yourself to share and be vulnerable to your readers. And yes- children are what true love means!
I am with you. Love is being a mother. I couldn’t function without my children either. They are what binds me together and wakes me up in the morning. I love my husband in the way a woman loves a ma, I love my parents in the way a child loves their parents, I love my brother in the way a sister loves her brother but I LOVE my children in a way only a mother loves. I would give them my life in a heart beat.
I love my children dearly as well. I do however believe in love. I was greatly mistreated in my first marriage and another serious relationship after that. Gave up on marriage all together. In walks another dream and we are still living it for 21 years.
I love this. Children will get you through the hardest times. I do hope you find love though in the future…even if it’s way down the line when you’re ready! <3
Yes, child love is seriously amazing! Glad that you’re getting those feelings out too, helps with healing!
Children do bring out the amazing in us. They also bring out the unconditional love, without fail. :)
Children are so innocent and pure! Thank you for sharing this story. My child makes me want to be a better person every day! :)
Wow your ex was a douche (I was totally thinking of more very harsh and unpublishable words to put there but settled for douche lol). I hate that he has made it where you feel you can’t let another man in, not because I feel that you have to have a man but because it makes you distrustful of other human in the world :(
There is nothing like the way a mother loves her kids and the love they give us in return! Make it all worth the struggle!
You sound a lot like my mom. I often wondered why she doesn’t take on a companion, but she is content to bask in the love of her children. You really put it into words for me. Thanks for sharing your story!
My brother chooses to raise his child alone. Kids give us the right kind of love that we need.
After my divorce, I knew the only love I needed was that of my children. In time, I wanted more, but girl….I ain’t never getting married again.
I love my children, but i think we all need the love of another human being that is not our blood. That is on the same wave length as us.
It is wonderful that you figured out what you need right now at this time in your life and can be happy with that. Just be open to change and that you might just feel differently in a few years.
Good for you for getting away from him! What an ass to do that! I also don’t believe in the fairytale. Marriage definitely isn’t always rainbows and sunshine!
He did that in the middle of a birthday party? Wow! I’d celebrate being away from him, too.
Kids are such an amazing joy. I’m so glad that you have them to share your love with!