It is here. That dreaded time in childhood when no matter what I do, I can not get my kids to stop talking. My husband did not believe that I field questions from the moment I get up to the moment I go to bed… and even in the middle of the night. Until this weekend.
We had a long drive for a birthday party on Saturday and a long drive for a blood drive on Sunday and he got the message loud and clear. And over and over and over and over again.
Mommy, can I…
Mommy, I want…
And on it went. Mile after mile, without stopping, often with many repeats. And even though we had 2 parents fielding the questions, we were still exhausted from the constant, non stop, noise of it all.
Seriously, non stop.
My husband even turned the music up at one point and then we burst out laughing because Katie was still talking.
And talking, and talking… and talking.
So on the way home – after watching them bless the girls who were sitting with them during the blood drive with their continual conversation talents – I decided to come up with some rules in the hopes of taming the uncontrollable.
Good Luck to me, I know.
Rule 1: Each child is limited to 1000 questions – or comments related to a question – each day. Now, I realize the littlest one can not really talk, so she gets 1000 MAMA’s! After their alloted 1000, I am allowed to put on noise blocking headphones and dive head first into chocolate.
Rule 2: The questions asked must have a purpose. No more, “Mommy, can I pick my nose?” ”But why not?” “But why?” “But why?” “But I don’t know why?” None of those questions have a point. And really, the entry question was gross so I have a right to count it as 2 questions.
Rule 3: When I answer your question – I am done with it. I am not changing my mind, changing my answer, altering the result in any way. Asking again just causes me to get agitated and then you will most certainly not like my new answer! Please move on to a new question… if only to add variety to my day.
Rule 4: Asking me a question, not liking my answer and immediately turning and asking your father the same question – while I am sitting right there – will result in the same answer. Different words – usually starting with, “I JUST told you no!” may be had, but the end result is the same. Except that now I am mad. And wondering how in the world your brain computed that that would work!
Rule 5: If you see my eyes start to bulge, steam escaping from my ears, and a crack start to form along my hairline, I advise you to run.
My head is about to blow.
And you do not want to be around for that.
Unless you want to help clean it up.
Which I doubt.
I have seen your rooms!
So that is it. Pretty simple, easy to follow, logical rules.
Write them on your walls, draw them in your books, smear them in banana yogurt on my kitchen table. But learn them.
While I put my head in my arms and realize that I forgot to put in the rule about no questions about the rules.