I have been through some things in my life that are probably out of the norm. Not necessarily any worse than other people. But things that I just have out there. Even as a little girl, I have used writing as a way to let those experiences filter through me and onto paper, lifting the weight that I had to endure.
When I started this blog, the sole purpose was to write. As it has grown I have turned it into much needed income. Especially now. And I have learned that I really love to give my opinions on things that could help someone else down the line. So the products and such are an outlet as well! And I truly truly LOVE giving things away and making someone’s day. Especially if I know what they are getting is pretty darn awesome!
But as I am starting the new chapter of my life as a single mom of three it is KILLING me that I can not sit down and write all about it. And I know some readers – thank you for your emails – are missing seeing something about what is happening too. But anyone who has been though a messy divorce knows that everyone tells you to hush up and keep your opinions to yourself until the last piece of paper is signed.
So I feel really sorry for you guys at the end of March!
But I think that I am feeling more lost, confused and unsteady because I can not write it down. Well, I can write it down but I can’t get support and opinions from readers who have been through it. You, who I have come to rely on for help, support and making the right decisions in my parenting and life are not a resource for me right now.
And it is frustrating. And I know for you guys too who want – as I have been told – more of the personal writings that used to decorate this blog almost on a daily basis.
I promise you they are coming back! And by the truckloads too!
But this whole thing has got me thinking. How do people deal with things when the avenues they have come to rely on are suddenly lost to them? Whether it be that parent that you talked to an hour every day that passed away. Or that best friend who moved away and even with texting, email and social media, that two hours away is an eternity. Or the neighbor who found a boyfriend and suddenly lost time for you.
How does someone cope when the stresses of their lives when what and who they turn to for advice, concern and honesty are suddenly not there?
Of course, there is God and He and I are tighter than I have ever been with Him right now. And I will forever be grateful for these challenges because they brought me closer to Him. But can one solely rely on God to deal with the complexities of stressors that change lives?
So here I sit, sentences jumping out my head, eager to hit the page, to be hear, to be read, to be understood. And I am blocked by a metaphorical brick wall that refuses to let me through a crevice for even a moment. This is a lonely place, I won’t lie. This emotional isolation.
Thank God I won’t be here long. Because just as pages in a good book are turned rapidly ending the story all too soon, so are the chapters in a bad one. At some point you get to close the book and put it back on the shelf to stay until you want to relive it in a different time in your life.
Until then…. I just needed to write something…
Find more Motherhood Posts at My Recent Writings
Thanks for the post, I am new to your blog, but this was just what I needed to hear today.
Thank you for reading it. Welcome to the club ;)
I clicked through to this from my facebook feed. I don’t know why it caught my attention, but it must have been fate because I am very much in the same boat you are in. I am a Mom with young kids in the middle of a messy divorce and so many avenues of communication and sharing are now closed to me while I slog through this horrendous process. I truly am looking toward the light at the end of the tunnel, because it is one heck of a long dark lonely tunnel I am in. I just wanted you to know you are not alone, and while unfortunately this divorce road has been well paved before us, there are many survivors who will tell you it gets better on the other side … SO much better.
(((HUGS))) and I am so glad I am not along though I am sorry this is the club we are in. Keep in touch and let me know how you are!!! We can lean on each other!!!
I hope you don’t mind me asking, but do the companies pay you to review their products and give them away? I’m interested in trying that out, but don’t know how to get started. Any tips you can provide would be greatly appreciated. Thank you for this awesome article. I always love hearing from other moms.
I don’t mind but I will say, I have been doing this for almost 3 years so I am thinking back a little while. In the beginning I took reviews at no charge regardless of the cost. I do not charge for most reviews if I get a product but sometimes, case by case, I do. It all just depends. Talk to companies and ask them for what you want! ;)
Write it NOW! You may not want to publish it for all eyes to see and at the same time journal it ALL. It is the healthiest outlet I have. It allows me to say anything and everything even if another pair of eyes never gets to read it. It is the most amazing release and it is a way for you to go back in time and do the ‘that was then and this is where I am now.’ I’m a single mom of 2 girls and went through several years of feeling stuck, smothered and unable to use my voice. The truth is my voice was always there I was just afraid to use it until the papers were signed and everything was in black and white. God is in it all and I rely on the Serenity Prayer many, many times a day. Consider this as part of your writing as well. Make a separate journal. Name it the prayer journal and in it list your prayers and what you are thankful for by bullet points. Go back once a month and look at each one and see if and how that prayer has been answered. It may not be answered in the ways you want it to be. Still, look to see. I think you may find that the prayers that don’t get answered means God has something better in mind. If one thing happened and another didn’t it leaves open room for more growth, acceptance, understanding and ultimately peace of mind. Also, the things you are thankful for when looking back use them to move forward. Even the negative ones. Let them teach you who you do/do not want walking on the path with you and the things you do/do not want in your life any longer. :) All best!
Thank you Kat!! I so appreciate your support and advice! I do still write just behind the scenes and it does help! I will keep it up and love the idea of the prayer journal. :)
Finding you,finding your voice will take time, time to heal. Maybe you can write about how your divorce made you fight for what is right, the best thing to do for the kids. I myself have fought to keep from divorcing. I went though family seeing who is there for me, not many of them are. neither are the friends over the years.
It is truly amazing, Jamie, how many people are not there when you thought they would be. But there are also a lot of people that will surprise you and be there for you when you thought you had no one. I will pray for you and hope that things get better! Stay in touch!
Is there a legal reason why you can’t share? If you don’t mention names (or slander) I don’t see a reason why you can’t ask for support. Isolation is the hardest part of a divorce. And you certainly can’t discuss it with your children! So why not here?
I started reading this because of the title “Emotional Isolation”. I feel that way right now, and I am happily married. While you write to vent, I talk. And I feel like I have no one left to talk to. But withdrawing isn’t the answer, either, which I tend to do.
My advice to you….pray for strength, be true to yourself, do not isolate and write! As long as it’s done the right way. You are NOT alone. Prove it to all your readers who may be feeling the same way!
Thank you Michele. The main reason I don’t write is that I don;t think I can be truly objective and share my story without it being taken out of context. So I write behind the scenes and as this comes to finality I will reread and share in a way that is more adult than some of them are sounding now. As far as your situation, I am so sorry ;( I wish I could gather everyone up who is in the same boat as I am and have a get together so everyone could share and get advice. many prayers and I hope you check in with me!
I wont write much, I have isolated myself to the point of agorophobia, I don’t like to ‘share’ or ‘talk about it’. I was widowed in ’03, have had 7 other very close people pass since then, and pets and other losses. I have many issues I face daily and sometimes can’t so I stay in bed for weeks straight. I hate when people say they understand, or your not alone-but I just wanted to say this post was very meaningful to me, and you worded it better than I ever could. Just…thank you for writing and posting this, it made me feel less of ‘the only one’ even though our demons are ours and ours alone.
Raine – your welcome. I have found that even at my darkest I am never alone. It may be a stranger on the internet or the lady drinking coffee next to me alone at the diner or a post on a blog. Someone out there knows the deepest of darkness and has somehow struggled their way out of it. I send many prayers out to you and much love for the light to shine so you can see a glimmer of hope. I am here and so are my readers – who, hands down are the most honest and loving people out there – so reach out to us when your ready!
I am so happy you are writing ‘in the moment’ behind the scenes. The emotional writing will hit home for so many of your readers. Just know everyone is here for you!
Your amazing, Mallery…. thank you ;)
I feel the same way as you, but I’ve been going through it since April. I’ve joined a specific group on CafeMoms so I have SOMEWHERE to share and feel supported. Mine is extremely messy too, much to the detriment of the child, but try as I might, I could not make it go any better. My parents will listen if I talk to them, but they are far away, and really, there is nothing much anyone can do or say until it ends. I look forward to that time, creating my new reality, and moving on to see what God has in store for me. Please know that we all here support and care about you, and pray that you have a positive resolution soon.
(((HUGS Donna))) I am sorry we are in the same boat and even more sorry that your child is in the middle. I am here for you too so stay in touch and we can help each other through it!
Funny I should see this now because I too am the mother of 3, but unlike you I haven’t started the “journey” yet so to say. I’ve been preparing myself for quite some time now for the actual battle. I just had a baby 6 months ago so I was sort of forced to take it slow. I want to get this done & over with as I’m dealing with someone else’s mental illness that has completely isolated all of us & left me with almost no support. I can’t blog about it either & go through my usual channels. If I said what I really wanted to say I have a feeling 99% of people would be shocked by all that I’ve put up with. I try so hard to be the voice of reason & support for others, but here I am now all alone. It sucks. Please share with us when it’s done.. I need to know others have been through it & I can get through it too. :)
(((HUGS)))) I am always here and can hopefully offer some support. It is a really rough place to be but I am shocked at how many are understanding this post and are going through it too. I am here and will write what I can. Thank you for making me not feel alone!
Keep strong mama. Separation and divorce are difficult times for any mom or woman. There’s a message board on Babycenter that if you ever have time I think you should check out. http://community.babycenter.com/groups/a3135/divorce_and_custody. You can join (and keep yourself as anonymous as you want) and get tons of great advice and support. Or you can just stalk and read all the great comments, lol.
I hope you can find the support and peace you need at this difficult time. **Hugs**